The Kids We Couldn't Adopt
I’ve wanted to adopt children since I was a small child, so I feel more than prepared for the adoption process. What I wasn’t prepared for—what I couldn’t ever imagine—was having to decline the adoption of a child.
Unfortunately, we’ve had to make that choice three times in this process, once about a month ago, once about 3 months ago, and once about 6 months ago. All—for different reasons—were the most heartbreaking decisions we’ve ever had to make, however this last one took me out at the knees for about a month; I was definitely in mourning and just unable to even talk about it for a while. I shut myself off from all my online presences to just try to give myself time to get through it.
The Baby We Couldn't Adopt
She explained that our match was a woman, who I will call "Sarah," who was in rehab for opiate use, who didn’t know that she was pregnant for 24 weeks, and was clean as of the moment. Sarah's mom also wanted a partially open adoption and wanted to talk with me via phone that day. The baby was a boy, she was here in the state (as opposed to China), and she was due in just 8 weeks!
The Child We Couldn't Adopt
In looking through these gorgeous faces, a 5-year-old boy stood out to my husband and I. In his picture, he’s smiling and leaning in, and there’s a spark to his eyes. In reviewing the brief overview on him, it said he had a condition where the ribs grow inward and often constrict the heart and lungs. Seeing that, it made sense to us that his bio also mentioned that he tired easily with exercise.
We had no idea what we were about to find out.
4 Things to NEVER Say to Someone Who is Adopting
As an adoptive parent, you know that you'll have to deal with unwanted comments for the rest of your life, especially if the child looks different from you. However, I don't think most of us knew the things we were going to deal with in the process of adoption.
In the hopes of saving some other "in-process-to-adopt" parent some grief, here are four things never to say to someone trying to adopt, and what you should say instead: