Feel on the Verge of Outrage Fatigue? 5 Simple Strategies to Stop from Burning Out

 

It’s almost impossible to turn on your TV, computer, or phone without being bombarded with more bad news. 

With one cause after another needing (and deserving) help, and one tragedy after another creating a sense of outrage in our hearts, compassionate people run the very real risk of experiencing “outrage fatigue.” At it’s essence, outrage fatigue causes caring people to become so overwhelmed and exhausted by the awfulness of it all that we hide away, shutting down from everything as a survival instinct to a heart that cannot take anymore hurting. 

It’s an understandable defense mechanism. Unfortunately, getting to the point of shut down means there is a void in compassionate people helping the world, leaving non-caring and unscrupulous people free to go forward with their harmful agendas. 

What are empathic people to do, then? We can’t just keep beating ourselves down with an unending onslaught of tragedy and expect to be able to keep going, but we are also desperately needed in the world. 

The good news is that you can fight outrage fatigue and still engage in creating a better world. Here’s a game plan to surviving, thriving, and making a difference in difficult times: 

1. Pick one cause to focus on.

When we scatter our energy by getting involved with every new crisis or cause, our efforts become less effective and we become more exhausted. The more we do this, the more likely we  are to become so fatigued that we’re unable to do anything more. 

In contrast, by picking one cause that really speaks to our hearts and souls and then focusing all our energy on positive solutions there, we maximize the good we can do. Even better, When we pick a cause which we are passionate about, we have the energy to work towards positive solutions. 

Worried that some causes won’t get help? Trust that the cause speaks to the heart of another caring person who is putting all their energy into that one. 

2. Take a break from all media for a defined period. 

Tragedies happen every day, but when we are thousands of miles away and unable to provide realistic help, connecting to every single one compounds a sense of helplessness and, eventually, apathy. Unfortunately, the 24 hour media cycle means that if we are connected to our phones, computers, TVs, or newspapers, we are being hit with the latest horrifying thing in the world. 

It’s literally an assault on the compassionate heart. 

To combat this, mindfully disconnect from all media for a set amount of time. How much time is best? It’s whatever you feel you need to be able to refresh your soul. Listen to your heart and then take that amount of time off, whether it’s a day, a week, or a few hours each day.

Then, take a walk in nature. Enjoy friends and family. Read a great book. Do something that allows the heart to feel relaxed and whole. 

3. Seek other kind-hearted people. 

When things seem dire, finding a group of kind people to hang out with is a breath of fresh air. Call up your most compassionate friends and set a dinner date. Find a Meet Up group or support group in your area. 

There’s only one rule: No one can discuss tragedies or complaints. All focus needs to be on positive moments, compassion in action, or uplifting ideas. 

4. Begin a gratitude practice. 

Once your emotions have tapped in to one tragedy after another, it’s easy to see only bad in the world. 

Shift this reality by focusing on what you are grateful for each day. Create a gratitude journal, and take 5 minutes at the end of each day to write down 10 things you are grateful for. This simple practice refreshes the spirit, reconnects the heart with the positive, and brings more good into the physical reality. 

5. Practice scheduled self-care. 

With so much need in the world, who has time to take care of the self? 

Running from the latest cause to signing the latest petition to healing the latest broken life, it can feel that there is no time to take care of yourself. 

However, denying self-care is the fastest way to head to outrage fatigue and total burnout. 

Combat this by scheduling non-negotiable personal time every day, even if it is only ten minutes a day. Schedule a bigger chunk every week. 

What should this personal time be? Whatever refreshes your soul. For some, it’s taking a hot bath. For others, it’s a walk in nature. For someone else, it might be taking a drive with music blaring or taking a dance class. 

Whatever it is, treat it like a doctor’s appointment or business meeting; whatever you would normally need to organize in order to get to an appointment, do so. Work it out with your significant other to take the kids or dogs for an hour. Ask for help with other things in your life if you need it. 

Whatever you do, make it very clear that this is an important appointment with yourself, and you are very serious about keeping it. Then keep it! 

How to Stop Auto-Helping: 4 Steps to Deciding Whether You Should Get Involved

Are you a compulsive helper, or, as I call it, an "auto-helper?" 

If you instinctively help regardless if you have the time, money, or inclination to do so and end up running the to rescue for every sob story or cause which crosses your path, then you are.

Because you help automatically, you can end up getting in way over your head with the amount of assistance or money which is requested. When this happens, you'll either push yourself to the point you are financially or physically broke, or you’ll develop resentment over all you’re doing with no one assisting you. 

Obviously, neither is an option which is going to allow you to continue to do the good you wish to do in the world. 

I've had to (painfully) learn this lesson, and I can tell you that it's better to go through the pain of having to say no immediately than to be driven into the ground and then be forced to say no to everything because you are beyond exhausted (or quite sick) and need time to recover. 

To avoid getting to this place again, I've put in place a 4-Step “Yes or No” Evaluation Method for whether or not I should get involved in a particular situation: 

Step 1: Evaluate the person or cause for what it is, not what you believe it to be. 

Believing in the inherent good of people and the power of second chances also means I've been blinded to a person's real intent in asking for assistance. I've also helped the same person multiple times, even though I had been burned by them before. And, I've given weeks (or years) of time to various causes, jeopardizing my own ability to make an income by putting their needs before my business’s needs. 

No more. Now, when someone asks for help, I first evaluate the person or situation in black and white terms (not with rose-colored glasses). I ask these questions: 

1. Is this a specific situation which they need some assistance to get through? 

2. Or, are they the kind of person who always wants (and gets) help, but never does anything with it? 

3. Have I been burned before, jumping in and saving the day for this individual or cause without any assistance from them? 

4. If this is a cause, is it one I feel passionately about? Am I already committed to helping another cause? (I suggest choosing one—and only one—cause to help at a time.)

5. Is it a legit emergency? (See #4 for determining an actual emergency, because not all emergencies are really emergencies.)

In practice, it looks like this:

If this is a person who always asks for extraordinary help and does nothing with it, I pass. If it’s a situation where I’ve been burned before, I pass. If I’m not passionate about it or already helping another cause, I pass. 

If it’s a person who just needs a little assistance to get through and will work to help themselves, I help. If it’s a cause I am passionate about and I am not already committed to something else, I help. If it is a legit emergency (see #4 on how I determine an actual emergency), I help. 

Step 2: Evaluate how much time, money, and effort you are able to put in. 

If this is a person or cause you determine you can help, set careful boundaries on the kind and amount of help you can offer. 

First, set expectations. Simply say, “You know, I think I can help, but I need to look at my schedule to see what I can do.” 

Then, sit down and figure out how much time you are willing or able to spend. Is two hours a week? An hour? Or, do you realistically not have time to give without affecting your wellbeing or income? 

If you don’t have time, say no.

If you think you do have some time (or money), cut whatever amount that is in half, especially if you are an Empath (and you likely are, if you are an auto-helper). Being an Empath means you think you can do more than you realistically can; cutting in half ensures you’re more realistic about what you can do).

Communicate that amount to the person you are helping. Be very clear, and do not be dissuaded. If they try to ask for more, just keep saying, “I’ve carefully evaluated what I can do, and this is as much as I can offer. I hope that is appreciated.” 

If—as so often happens—demands for time or money begin to creep upward, immediately set the boundary once again. A good thing to say is, “You know, I was looking at my schedule and realize I am really burning candles at both ends. I have to cut back the time/money I am offering across the board, so I need to go back to only doing ________ (insert whatever your original amount was).” (Or less, if you have figured out this is not a good situation for you. It’s okay to say “no,” even after you’ve said “yes.”) 

Step 3: Set careful limits on what is required for your continued help. 

Have you ever noticed that, upon receiving your help, some people begin to expect help, suddenly becoming seemingly incapable of helping themselves? Or how they start dumping everything on you, making no effort to help themselves? 

This is what I am talking about. If you are an auto-helper trying to break this destructive habit, it’s incredibly important you continuously evaluate whether the situation is one you want to keep being involved with. If you don’t, you can get pulled into doing more...and more....and more....and more. Without constant reevaluation, it is all too easy to fall into this potential black hole without being aware it's happening—until it’s too late.  

Step 4: If it's a true emergency or a critical situation, get involved (with a caveat)

Make sure the situation is actually critical or an emergency. Since some people will make you feel everything is an emergency, let’s take a look at what an ACTUAL emergency is. Which of these would you label an emergency?

1. Witnessing a car accident happen in front of you. 

2. Friend wanting you to drop everything to listen to the latest drama in their family.

3. Mom’s best friend dies.

4. Mom having a bad day.

5. Someone you care about has a heart attack.

6. Someone you care about who rarely takes responsibility for themselves asks you to pay their car payment or rent.

7. Friend needs a ride to the hospital for stitches.

8. Friend wants free business help for the business he started.

9. Friend wants help setting up the house for a cocktail party. 

If you said 1, 5, and 7 were emergencies, I’d say you were right. Number 3 might be an emergency, depending on the situation. The rest of them are non-emergencies and need to be treated as such, using the evaluation method above and the questions below. 

So, the next time someone asks for your help and presents it as critical, take a breath and ask yourself if it’s REALLY an emergency. To decide, ask yourself these 3 questions:

1. Is this life-or-death? If yes, it’s an emergency. 

2. Is there truly no one else (including the individual involved) who can help here? 

3. Would this person be in this situation if they simply planned better (this is often the case with last-minute requests for help with a work or social situation)?

4. Can this person solve their own problem? If this person could work a bit harder, get a second job, sell something on eBay, hire someone, or jump in there and make the effort to dig themselves out of the situation, then it is not an emergency and you should not drop everything. In fact, you should be going back and deciding if you even should help at all. 

Believe me, I get how difficult breaking this habit can be. I have struggled with it for most of my life, and I still struggle with it today. However, putting these rules into practice has helped me help myself, which allows me to keep helping those who really need and deserve it. 

I hope I’ve given you some good sentences and phrases to use to be able to hold to your limits and say “no” - I find that one of the common things with compulsive helpers is that we don’t know HOW to say what we need to say, and we become overwhelmed with fear or the feelings of the other’s need, and then we give in. Using these words and phrases - and practicing them so you are ready - can give you a tool in all situations.

You have many ways you help people each day, too—it’s important that YOU have the energy to keep doing the good you do in the world as well!

Want to find out if you are a true Empath (if you are a serious auto-helper or people pleaser, it's highly likely you are!)? Take my free Empath Test and find out now!