Guess What? You Don't Need to Be Perfect to Be Worthy (Really)

Are you a perfectionist? 

A lot of us are (including me), and that’s not a good thing. 

When you hold yourself up to a perfect ideal, you are telling life that you do not deserve love, respect, or any other good thing unless you meet that ideal. Of course, it is impossible to be perfect, so you end up feeling like a failure because you never get what you want. 

Perfectionism is also at the root of most addiction. Anorexics think that they will be lovable if they are thin. Alcoholics and drug addicts fear that they will never be as perfect as they think they need to be, so they drown this hurt and pain in the bottle or with pills—at least this way, they can have a reason why they are not living up to the ideal. Workaholics are always striving to prove themselves worthy of their jobs, love, and the respect of others by working themselves into the ground. Overeaters are often so frustrated at feeling that they will never measure up to the ideal body that they just eat—this way, they have control over how they failed. Plastic surgery addicts are chasing their individual belief of the perfect body, believing that attaining it will earn them love and approval.

Perfectionism is a nasty thing, because it never allows you to be good enough, lovable enough, or just enough. A perfectionist could do an absolutely perfect job, but they will only see the little flaws that no one would ever notice. Happiness is elusive for a perfectionist, because there is always something more that can be done to make their work, life, or body better.

This way of life will literally eat you alive. It is self-hatred, plain and simple. To live up to some fictionalized ideal, you will restrict eating, exercise excessively, and work until you have pushed way beyond your limits. You will beat yourself up for every single slight, mistake, or imperfection, and make yourself sick with worry that someone will find out that you are not as great as everyone thinks that you are. By making the ideal more important than you and your heath, your body will get the message that you do not really care about yourself, often resulting in disorders such as chronic fatigue and mononucleosis. 

Stop abusing yourself! It’s time to start taking care of yourself and learn to accept yourself as you are now. Understand that no matter what messages you have received on what makes someone perfect, none of it is true. There is no ideal, and there is no perfect person. You are perfect as you are right now. 

Choose to connect with your inner beauty and truly love yourself for being you. Choose to be authentic to yourself, your instincts, and your needs. When you make a little mistake, take a deep breath and say “So what?” Everyone is entitled to make mistakes. 

Instead of seeing your “flaws,” realize that these very flaws are what make you unique and desirable. After all, Cindy Crawford could have seen the mole on her lip as a flaw, but it became a real asset for her career and a very desirable beauty mark. Jennifer Lopez could have listened to mainstream media and believed that her backside as too big, but instead it is a real strength for her and her career. Beyond just celebrities, look around at all of those that you admire; notice how their uniqueness is actually a true benefit to be loved and admired.

You are just as beautiful. Feel it in your spirit. Accept it in your soul.  

The Flow Method Questions and Actions: 

1. If you are a perfectionist, why do you feel that you need to be perfect? Are you afraid of not measuring up? Not being loveable? Not being accepted? Were you raised in a family where every little slight, action, or word was analyzed and blown up to massive proportions? Do you still fear that one word or phrase will cause a catastrophic response?

2. How often do you push yourself beyond your limits to chase an ideal? Where did the ideal come from? Can you make yourself worthy of taking care of yourself? Try using the affirmation, “I love myself. I am good enough in every way. I am perfect just as I am.”

Would this article help others in your life? I'd be so grateful if you'd share it with them - and I bet they would be, too! Much love and gratitude!

3 Ways to Know that You Are (Finally) Ready to Make a Change

Every person has had that moment where they have decided that they just cannot put up with a situation anymore and must make a change. However, getting to that point - or finally knowing that you are ready - can be challenging. How do you know that you are ready for change? These three signs will tell you:

1. You get angry at things you used to just put up with.

Day after day, you slog along in a job you hate, dealing with a boss you despise, and working with co-workers that drive you crazy. You put up with it, telling yourself that you need the job, that it’s not that bad, that it doesn’t actually crush your soul. One day, your boss sends you yet another request for the same information you have provided 10 times before. She’s done this hundreds of times, and hundreds of times, you have begrudgingly given her what she’s asked for. This time, you can’t stand it anymore and write a furious e-mail giving her a piece of your mind.  

Not only is this possibly a career-ending move, it also lets you know that you are finally ready to make a change. While many people see anger as a negative emotion, it is often the indicator that you are finally sick of putting up with your current situation you or relationship and are ready to move on. 

For me, I can distinctly remember the moment that I knew I had to end an engagement. My fiance was yelling about God-knows-what yet again, and I was raising my voice to yell back, “Shut UP!” It dawned on me that I don’t believe in resolving conflict by yelling, yet here I was, yelling to be heard. Right then and there, I knew I needed to make a change.

Going forward today, check in with yourself. Which long-standing situations in your life are finally making you angry? What about situations that have caused anger for a long time? Make note of these, and know that you are ready to make different choices. 

2. Instead of dreaming about a new life, you begin planning for it. 

I cannot tell you how many people I work with that tell me their life dreams and then qualify them, saying things like, “I have been dreaming of this my whole life.” or “I have always wanted to do this.” Of course, right after that usually comes, “But...”

Dreaming is a wonderful and definitely necessary part of moving forward authentically in life, but too many people get stuck there. Dreams without actions just don’t come true. 

Have you begun reading books about how to do the things you dream of? Have you signed up for classes or other experiences that would assist you on your path? Have you begun creating a list of things that you need in order to be successful? Then you have taken critical steps forward. You are ready to move from dreaming to acting.

If you are at this point, you will also notice a critical shift in the way you speak about your dreams. Instead of saying, “I need to,” “I’d like to,” or “I wish I could,” you will begin saying, “I have to,” “I am ready to,” or “I am.” Notice that one set of words are “dream” or “future” words, while the others are “action” or “immediate” words. 

When you finally shift from imagining yourself in a new life to actually planning for how you can make that dream happen and speaking about those actions in the present, you know you are ready to move forward.

3. The perceived pain of making a change seems far less than the pain of staying where you are.

For many people, the pain of leaving a bad relationship or job is so intense that they just stay for years. After all, they might be miserable, but it’s better to “deal with the devil you know.” right? 

For some, I suppose it is. However, there will come a time when you literally cannot take the situation you are in anymore. Perhaps you notice that you have aches and pains, or get sick more often or more seriously than you used to. Maybe you are completely drained of energy after being on the job or with the person in question, and do not have energy to do things you love to do.

It’s at that point that the scales have swung in favor of making a change. While every major life change comes with its challenges, when the pain and exhaustion of the situation you are in has become overwhelming, you are at the critical point. If you have said to yourself, “I have to end this,” “I cannot take it anymore,” or “I am over this,” you are ready to make a change. 

Take inventory of situations in your life that are draining you or making you sick. How much more do you think you can put up with? Have you hit that critical tipping point where making a change is more appealing than putting up with more of the same? If you are at the end of your rope and feel that change is more positive than staying stuck, you are ready to make a shift!

Are you in a situation now that you need to get out of? What is the situation? Do you think you are ready to change?

Feel on the Verge of Outrage Fatigue? 5 Simple Strategies to Stop from Burning Out

 

It’s almost impossible to turn on your TV, computer, or phone without being bombarded with more bad news. 

With one cause after another needing (and deserving) help, and one tragedy after another creating a sense of outrage in our hearts, compassionate people run the very real risk of experiencing “outrage fatigue.” At it’s essence, outrage fatigue causes caring people to become so overwhelmed and exhausted by the awfulness of it all that we hide away, shutting down from everything as a survival instinct to a heart that cannot take anymore hurting. 

It’s an understandable defense mechanism. Unfortunately, getting to the point of shut down means there is a void in compassionate people helping the world, leaving non-caring and unscrupulous people free to go forward with their harmful agendas. 

What are empathic people to do, then? We can’t just keep beating ourselves down with an unending onslaught of tragedy and expect to be able to keep going, but we are also desperately needed in the world. 

The good news is that you can fight outrage fatigue and still engage in creating a better world. Here’s a game plan to surviving, thriving, and making a difference in difficult times: 

1. Pick one cause to focus on.

When we scatter our energy by getting involved with every new crisis or cause, our efforts become less effective and we become more exhausted. The more we do this, the more likely we  are to become so fatigued that we’re unable to do anything more. 

In contrast, by picking one cause that really speaks to our hearts and souls and then focusing all our energy on positive solutions there, we maximize the good we can do. Even better, When we pick a cause which we are passionate about, we have the energy to work towards positive solutions. 

Worried that some causes won’t get help? Trust that the cause speaks to the heart of another caring person who is putting all their energy into that one. 

2. Take a break from all media for a defined period. 

Tragedies happen every day, but when we are thousands of miles away and unable to provide realistic help, connecting to every single one compounds a sense of helplessness and, eventually, apathy. Unfortunately, the 24 hour media cycle means that if we are connected to our phones, computers, TVs, or newspapers, we are being hit with the latest horrifying thing in the world. 

It’s literally an assault on the compassionate heart. 

To combat this, mindfully disconnect from all media for a set amount of time. How much time is best? It’s whatever you feel you need to be able to refresh your soul. Listen to your heart and then take that amount of time off, whether it’s a day, a week, or a few hours each day.

Then, take a walk in nature. Enjoy friends and family. Read a great book. Do something that allows the heart to feel relaxed and whole. 

3. Seek other kind-hearted people. 

When things seem dire, finding a group of kind people to hang out with is a breath of fresh air. Call up your most compassionate friends and set a dinner date. Find a Meet Up group or support group in your area. 

There’s only one rule: No one can discuss tragedies or complaints. All focus needs to be on positive moments, compassion in action, or uplifting ideas. 

4. Begin a gratitude practice. 

Once your emotions have tapped in to one tragedy after another, it’s easy to see only bad in the world. 

Shift this reality by focusing on what you are grateful for each day. Create a gratitude journal, and take 5 minutes at the end of each day to write down 10 things you are grateful for. This simple practice refreshes the spirit, reconnects the heart with the positive, and brings more good into the physical reality. 

5. Practice scheduled self-care. 

With so much need in the world, who has time to take care of the self? 

Running from the latest cause to signing the latest petition to healing the latest broken life, it can feel that there is no time to take care of yourself. 

However, denying self-care is the fastest way to head to outrage fatigue and total burnout. 

Combat this by scheduling non-negotiable personal time every day, even if it is only ten minutes a day. Schedule a bigger chunk every week. 

What should this personal time be? Whatever refreshes your soul. For some, it’s taking a hot bath. For others, it’s a walk in nature. For someone else, it might be taking a drive with music blaring or taking a dance class. 

Whatever it is, treat it like a doctor’s appointment or business meeting; whatever you would normally need to organize in order to get to an appointment, do so. Work it out with your significant other to take the kids or dogs for an hour. Ask for help with other things in your life if you need it. 

Whatever you do, make it very clear that this is an important appointment with yourself, and you are very serious about keeping it. Then keep it! 

Listen: My Interview with Unstoppable Coach

Want to know what my worst, most crushing moment was? The moment when I almost gave up on my business? Or how about why I decided to work with Empaths? Want to know the secrets I use to grow my business? Have you ever thought about being a coach and want to know more? 

Listen to the super-fun, extremely open interview I did with the lovely Millette Jones!

You can listen below in the embedded player, or visit these links to download: 

iTunes: http://www.unstoppablecoach.co/itunes

Stitcher: http://www.unstoppablecoach.co/stitcher

Also, make sure to visit Millette's site to make sure you never miss an episode of this inspiring podcast: http://www.unstoppablecoach.co/tarameyerrobson

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