How to Put Down Things You are Not Supposed to Carry

Mantra for 2023: PUT IT DOWN.

For a lot of us, carrying everyone else's stresses and pain and worries is a way of life.

It's so automatic that we don't even notice it happening, until we start having shoulder pain…

And aren’t sleeping well…

And feel completely keyed up all the time. 

I find that this is particularly hard for empaths…

We are trained to look for solutions to people's pain and suffering.

We WANT to make it stop.

We WANT to help.

And that's amazing! 

But, if we don't know where we end and the other person begins, it becomes a problem.

A BIG problem.

We end up unknowingly carrying a big ol' backpack filled with other people's stuff.

In this state, you cannot relax. 

You are on hyper-alert, desperately trying to solve at least a few of the things you are carrying.

You start buckling under the weight.

Eventually, you break.

If you break, you are no good to anyone.

But beyond that, YOU deserve to be happy.

YOU deserve to live a good life.

YOU deserve to have energy for yourself.

YOU deserve to be present. 

So, how do you stop carrying everyone else all the time?

You begin by realizing that others have the same power you do.

They have the same free will to make their choices.

And they are going to use that power in the way they wish.

You realize that you can show up, give them your best, and then put it down. 

What they do from there is on them, not you.

This came up last week on my practitioner certification call...

One of the students had serious shoulder and neck pain; it was clear that she was carrying everyone else on her back. 

So, we took a look at what she was carrying...

Her mom was in pain and needed to go to the doctor.

She had repeatedly begged her mom to go.

And yet, her mom was not going to the doctor, and she was very stressed about this. 

I asked her: "Can you MAKE your mom go to the doctor?"

She replied, "No."

"So, you have done what you can do. Put it down."

The same was true for a worry she had for her 25 year old son...

"Can you make him do what you believe is best, and probably IS best?"

"No," she replied, laughing. "He has always been stubborn, even from a small child...I could never tell him what to do."

"So you have 25 years of experience that tells you that you are only going to stress yourself out trying to hound him to do what's best. Put it down."

By the time we had gone through the list of things she was carrying, she told me, "You know what? My shoulder and neck pain is totally gone!"

She had put down the emotional backpack, releasing all of the stress and worry. 

You can do this, too.

Take a look at the things you are carrying. Then ask yourself:

"Have I done what I can?"

"Have I shown up and used my personal power in the best ways?"

"Can I MAKE this person take the positive steps I know would be best for them?" (SPOILER: The answer to this one is 'no." 😂)

Then, make the choice to put it all down. 

You've done what you can.

This is where your responsibility ends and the other’s begins.

See other people as powerful.

See them as having the same power you do to make choices.

Understand that you are using your power as you choose, and they are using theirs as they choose.

They may choose to stay stuck.

They may be so attached to pain and suffering that they use their power to stay that way. 

Or, they may use their power to move forward in a way you didn't expect, but is best for them.

Put them down.

Then look at how you can use your power in the best ways.

What can you do with all the extra energy you have when you put down the responsibility for others' lives and choices?

What can you do to stay in the present moment and find joy for yourself and your life?

What steps do YOU need to take to live your best life now? 

Do that. 

And, throughout the day, remind yourself to not carry others.

Stand up, act like you are taking the backpack off, and say out loud, "I am putting it down!"

P.S.

Are you carrying heavy burdens and are in pain?

Are you dealing with life stressors or past trauma and have pain or disease?

If so, make 2023 the year you learn to listen to your body and heal.

When you understand the message your body is sending you in pain or disease, you can heal everything - your body, your mind, and your life…

Because it is ALL interconnected.

That trauma you went through as a child is showing up as low back pain today.

Or that divorce you had two years ago is affecting your legs, causing aching pain as you try to move forward.

Or dealing with a toxic boss is showing up as a sore throat and shoulder pain.

Your body is desperately trying to tell you where the wounds are that need healed…

What life experiences need shifted….

What relationships to change or release….

But you can’t understand until you know how to translate the whole message behind every ache, pain, lump, bump, or rash.

Every symptom has an underlying meaning…

But you have to learn the language - like learning a foreign language.

You don’t know that “Hola!” Or “Bonjour!” means “hello!” until you are taught that…

Likewise, you don’t know that a stabbing pain in the left shoulder means you are being attacked by a woman in your life…until I teach you that! 

And, like learning a foreign language, once you learn how to translate symptoms, you know how to do it for the rest of your life.

If you are ready to bring power and healing to your life NOW?

Join Body Language: Deciphering Your Body’s Clues so You Can Heal today! 

Right now, it’s only $222 for everything….

Including group mentoring with me once a month AND a 20 minute private session where I translate the message behind your pain or disease and get you on the path to healing.

It’s an over $3,000 value with everything I include…

This is the lowest I will offer this in 2023, so join now.

I can’t wait to help you bring power and healing to your life! 

(It’s my favorite thing to do!) 

As an empath, you feel the emotions of the world as your own.

One of the most difficult and debilitating things about being an empath is that you feel other's emotions as your own; it can be extremely difficult to be able to tell whether it's your emotion you're feeling or others emotions from around you.

You'll also notice that there are times when you wake up and just feel amped, worried, anxious, and on high alert. There won't be anything in your immediate world that's particularly disturbing, so it's hard to figure out why in the world you feel so "off."

Then, maybe a couple hours later, you find out that some major disaster or seriously stressful event has happened in the world. So, what you were feeling in the morning - without even knowing it - is the collective feeling of stress, sorrow, and fear that goes along with some trauma or tragedy on a large scale.

You didn't know, but you KNEW.

When you are an empath, you are a lot like a radio receiver.

You are unconsciously tuning in to all the waves of emotion, information, feeling, and experience in the whole world (or in the people right next to you) all the time.

And, when you are unaware that you are doing this, it can be BEYOND overwhelming and exhausting. Think of someone sticking you in a room with 400,000 speakers, all tuned to different kinds of stations - from political to rock to rap to country to EDM to whatever - and you can understand how quickly that would bring you to your knees and overwhelm your senses.

If you are an #empath, the EXACT same thing is happening to you every second of every day, even when you are asleep. If you don't learn how to turn it off sometimes and to manage how much to take in, you WILL burn out. (Believe me, I have been there!)

An easy way to learn how to control this is to check out my video "Becoming an Aware Empath: Learning to Trust (and Strengthen) Your Abilities" - https://youtu.be/kaevZVwKdGQ.

If you like this, please follow me on social media, like, and share!

#emotionsoftheworld #feelingdeeply #empathsfeeldeeply #empathfeels #empathfeelings #empaths #empathic #empathicsoul #empathicbadass #empathsvsnarcissists #empoweredempath #empathwarrior #empathrising #empathtruth #areyouanempath #empathytest #empathtest #empathinstitute #tarameyerrobson #empathcoach

The 5 Worst Places for an Empath - and How to Survive Them All

Did you know that some everyday places can be a war zone for an Empath? It's true. When you are super-sensitive to all the subtle changes in an environment and are also a sponge for people's emotions, some very normal places can become overwhelming. Here are five:

1. Hospitals:

As an Empath, you soak in all the pain and suffering of the world, whether or not you are consciously aware of it. It stands to reason that a hospital—a veritable castle of suffering— would be a truly awful place for you to be.

When my husband had a total hip replacement, the hospital staff recommended that I stay with him in the room. I was more than happy to do this, but I didn't realize what a toll it would take on me. Not only was I not sleeping much because of worrying incessantly about him, hearing various beeps, and being woken by hourly nurse visits, but I was also soaking in all my husband's pain as well as the pain of everyone on the whole floor. 

By the third day, I walked outside to get some air and just burst into tears. Being inside the hospital constantly for over 72 hours was a serious mistake for me, as it would be for you, if you're an Empath. 

2. Planes, Trains, and Buses

Because you are so sensitive to both subtle shifts in your environment as well as other people's energy, any mode of transportation where you are crammed in with lots of other people in a space that is moving and you cannot get away is pretty awful. 

Add to that the fact that you will feel every shift in altitude, bump, and turn and hear every noise, and it’s kinda hellish for you. 

3. Group Therapy Sessions

Group therapy is great for a lot of things, but for an Empath, it can be debilitating. While others feel better talking things out, the Empath in the group will be absorbing all the pain of everyone there. And, because Empaths are such natural healers, it's a safe bet that the Empath in the group with be the one that everyone looks to for help and healing, even when the Empath is there for healing themselves. 

One caveat on this one: If you can find a support group for Empaths, that is good for you. With a true support group filled with others like you, you can be heard and supported as much as you offer healing and support. Better yet, you will know that there are others like you out there in the world, and that can be really healing. 

4. Violent or Traumatic Films

I don't go to violent or traumatic films. I learned a long time ago that they would totally blow me out energetically, and I would pay for it with a sick feeling in the gut, shakiness, or exhaustion for days afterward. it's just not worth it to me, and it shouldn't be to you, either. 

Not only will the extreme sound effects bother you more than a non-Empath, but you will go on the director's emotional roller coaster much more than anyone else. You will FEEL the movie and feel for the characters in a way that is vastly different from non-empaths, and it will wear you out. 

I'd avoid them. You are absorbing enough of the difficult energy of the world; you don't need to add to that. 

5. Angry Offices

I worked in an office where I could feel the boss's emotional state before I ever saw her. She was an angry and seriously unbalanced woman, and she purposely led in a way that made people afraid of her. She was a total control freak, and by making everyone fear her, she got total loyalty and total compliance, which fed her crazy need for attention. 

It was awful. You'd scurry around, hoping that she wouldn't single you out for humiliation during that day's meeting. You could hear her screaming at co-workers behind closed doors. 

I would walk out of that office shaking, exhausted, and seriously off-center. I felt like a shell of myself, and I rarely felt the kind of joyful inspiration that is my normal. 

Have to go to one of these places? Here's how you survive. 

1. Limit your time or take breaks. 

People think I am crazy because I opt to break up a long flight with a stop rather than take the direct flight. However, I know I will do better if I can get on the ground and get away from others for a bit. 

If you can't do this, go to the bathroom and clear your head. I know it sounds silly, but the bathroom is one of those places where you can guarantee that you will get some time and space to yourself! Go in there and take a few deep breaths to calm yourself and to detach from all the emotional energy around you.

2. Put your shield up.

An energetic shield is one of the most useful things for an Empath, and it is also super easy to do. To create a shield, you simply imagine that you have a bright light that emanates out from your stomach and all the way around you, front and back, top and bottom. Imagine that this light is whatever color you would associate with protection or safety. When you are done, it should look like you have a colorful Easter egg of light surrounding your body. 

3. Practice grounding. 

Grounding is also an easy but essential practice for anyone that is a highly sensitive person. there are many ways to ground yourself, but some of my favorites include taking off your shoes and standing barefoot on the ground, holding on to a tree, or visualizing that you have roots of light that shoot out through the bottom of your feet like roots from a tree. I like to imagine that any stress or negativity is flowing out the bottom of my feet into the ground. 

The main thing with grounding is to do whatever makes sense to you to feel like you are standing on a solid foundation and reducing the build up of energy. It’s a lot like touching a wall or a wood dresser when you feel like you’ve built up a static charge (something that is now a frequent experience for me living in Denver); when you ground yourself, you are releasing the build up of all the emotional energy you’ve picked up moving through the world. 

4. Listen to your body and respect yourself by setting clear boundaries. 

Finally, if you are in any of the above places (or you know you will be), make sure to pay attention to how your body is feeling. If you start to feel tension in your shoulders or stomach, or a sense of unease in your legs, it’s time to make sure you get away from the situation for a bit. 

In addition, before you go, make sure you set clear boundaries about the amount of time you can deal with the situation as well as how you are going to interact with others. For instance, it’s very common for the Empath in the family to be the one sitting with an ill relative all day and night, while everyone else heads out to get lunch or coffee. This is not good for the Empath, nor is it fair. Instead, make sure to communicate clearly how much time you can be in the hospital, and create a schedule with others to make sure the ill loved one is getting support at all times. 

Or, perhaps all your friends are pressuring you to go to a violent movie. For your own good, it’s okay to say, “No, you guys go ahead. I’ll meet you for drinks afterwards.” You do not have to make them understand your reasons for not going. A simple, “I’m just not interested in that film, but you guys have a good time.” is perfectly okay. 

I realize setting clear boundaries is easier said than done, but it is critical for any Empath in the above situations in order to keep from being overwhelmed and exhausted. 

Are there things you do to help yourself stay centered when you are in one of the above difficult places? Please share them - I’d love to hear about it. 

5 Ridiculous Myths About Being an Empath

Like any group of people, stereotypes and myths abound about Empaths.

Because of these myths, I get many questions from unaware Empaths who don't believe in their empathic abilities because they don't fit into these stereotypes.

Common questions are: 

• I think I might be an Empath, but I'm not an introvert. Does that mean I'm not one?

• I've heard Empaths are generally depressed. I'm highly sensitive but also super happy; I guess I'm not one then?

• I'm very logical, but I hear that most Empaths are more creative. Is that true?

Unfortunately, if you think you're an Empath but do not fit into these stereotypes, you might not seek the help you need to understand and protect this important aspect of you.  When you don't know how to turn it on and off, you can run out of energy pretty quickly. Suddenly, you end up super exhausted and unable to keep doing the good you want to do in the world. 

Let's just go ahead and keep that from happening, okay? 

It's time to bust some of the most ridiculous myths about being an Empath: 

 

1. All Empaths are introverts. 

This one is beyond false. Because they are constantly bombarded with experiencing other people’s emotions, Empaths may need to retreat to a quiet space more than other children. However, I know many Empaths (myself included!) who are extremely outgoing and who love people. 

2. Empaths are outsiders. 

While the common thought is that highly-sensitive people never quite fit in, that isn’t always the case. 

I am very much an Empath and was cheerleading captain all the way through college. I have an Empath friend who was the baseball captain. Of the many Empaths I work with, the vast majority were very involved in many school activities through their youth and are part of organizations and big groups of friends now.

In fact, many Empaths thrive on being part of a good group of people. When an Empath is balanced, they end up drawing positive energy from the experience of connecting with others and also put a lot of positive energy into any group they belong to.  

3. Empaths have few friends. 

Because Empaths see people’s true nature rather than the facade people put on, they are less likely to be concerned with cliques. Because of this, they are much more likely to reach out and become friends with people from many different walks of life, not concerning themselves as to whether one friend fits in with another. 

This tendency will often show up early in life; an Empath kid might have a friend who plays football, some that are in the band, a friend who acts in the school play, and one who writes for the newspaper. As adults, this will translate to friends that are everything from artists to accountants, are a wide range of ages, and are every shade of skin under the sun.

4. Empaths are always creative. 

Because of their sensitive nature, most Empaths do tend to have a more artistic side to them. However, that doesn’t mean that the only subjects they are drawn to are artistic in nature. 

Many Empaths end up doing very well in math and science and go on to become doctors, nurses, or therapists. However, Empaths can do well in any field, as long as it allows them to use their creative brains in ways that will help the world. 

Even better, because Empaths are more willing to discuss ideas with people from many different groups of people, they are also more likely to make breakthrough discoveries that cross conventional boundaries in all areas. 

5. Empaths are likely to be depressed. 

It’s true that Empaths can end up overwhelmed by all the emotions they take in on a daily basis, which can make them very sad and even depressed sometimes. However, this is often more about the empath being worn out by the depth of pain they feel from others than it is about being authentically depressed.

Unfortunately, in my experience, this myth can use Empaths to be misdiagnosed with depression, anxiety, and even bipolar disorder. 

When an Empath is taught how to keep negative emotions at bay, a profound shift often happens. The Empath finally feels like they have tools to be able to navigate an overwhelming world and is able to stop worrying about others all the time. When this happens, an Empath can finally start being happy and centered. 

Are you an Empath? Would you like to feel empowered and happy?

Sign up to be the first to get into my upcoming Empath Institute when it reopens! 
 

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