7 Life Experiences You Will Definitely Have if You are an Empath

Being an empath means that you will often feel quite different from everyone you know. The good news is that there are more empaths than you might think, AND that we all have a lot in common — including these 7 life experiences:

1.  You’ll be overwhelmed by large crowds and not know why.

As an empath, you feel everything going on around you, whether you are aware of it or not. Because of that, being in large crowds, whether it is for a party, a concert, a shopping trip, or any other place that lots of people convene, can be absolutely overwhelming for you.
 
In such a situation, you may start to feel anxious and even want to flee. You’ll likely think (or be told) that something is deeply wrong with you.

There’s nothing wrong with you; you are just too open to everyone’s competing emotions and energy and are getting totally overwhelmed.

Which brings me to my next empath experience…

2. You’ll sometimes feel like you feel the pain of the whole world and want to completely shut down.

I used to come home at the end of the week, climb in bed fully dressed in a suit and heels, and pull the covers over my head. I literally could not take one more bit of stimulation and needed total quiet. I would describe it to my husband as if all my nerves were on the outside of my body and felt like they were guitar strings that could not take one more person plucking them.

If you’ve ever felt like that, you are definitely an empath. Science is finally catching up with what those of us that have been empaths for a long time know: Our nervous system is literally wired differently than non-empaths. Because of this, we walk around sensing the subtle changes in environmental pressure, emotions, sounds, temperature, and everything else that most people are blissfully aware of.
 
Needless to say, this is pretty damn overwhelming. I liken it to being shut in a room with 400 speakers pointed at you, with 400 different kinds of music and talk radio on full volume blaring at you. ANYone, empath or no, would be overwhelmed and frizzed out after a short time of that.
 
As an empath, this is literally what is happening to you as you walk around all day, especially if you don’t have tools to shut it off. So, it’s pretty reasonable if you sometimes feel like I did, and need to hide under the covers for a while to recover.

Of course, this can also lead to the next empath experience….

3. You will feel out of control of your emotional state sometimes. 

Because you pick up on others’ emotional states whether or not they say anything about how they are feeling and whether or not there are any visual cues to tell you what’s up, there will be times when you will enter a space feeling totally happy and good, and suddenly feel extremely anxious and sad.

This emotional swing can seem like you might be bipolar*, but, if you are an empath, it’s just a moment-by-moment reality of being too open to everyone else’s energy.

4. You’ll be told that you are “too sensitive.”

Or a crybaby. Or a wimp. Or a tree hugger. Or a hippie. Or a “softie.” Or a doormat. Or weak.

In our culture, strength and dominance are often glorified, and emotional vulnerability, kindness, and compassion are often seen as a sign of weakness. 

Nothing could be further from the truth. The fact that you are still standing even with all the emotions you feel every day is a freaking testament to your strength. It’s easy to go through life with even the saddest or most traumatic things barely making a dent to your emotional state. But, when you are carrying the trauma, difficulty, worry, stress, and sadness of everyone you meet and the whole world every day, and you are still expected to function as a normal human being - and you DO manage to function as a normal human being, that deserves a freaking badge of honor.

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You are an empathic badass, and that is real strength.

5. You’ll be bullied.

It’s an unfortunate reality that the more sensitive kids are the ones who are bullied. Or, as was the case for me, the empath kid will stand up for another child who is being bullied and then become the target.

This can carry forward into adulthood, where an empath adult finds themselves targeted by a bullying boss, friend, or even partner.

People shrug off bullying as a “rite of passage” for children, but that ignores the incredible long-term impact on the victim. In fact, bullying has been identified as one of the ACE predictors for issues such as alcoholism, depression, and certainly low self-esteem. In my practice I see how these emotional wounds are carried and cause pain and disease as well as negative life patterns, such as not believing in oneself enough to choose positive experiences.

If you are an empath and were bullied, please understand that it wasn’t you. You were the target of kids that didn’t feel good about themselves and took it out on you for a sense of power and control. If you are struggling with the long-term impacts of this, please either reach out to me or a qualified therapist for help.

If you are currently being bullied - or if you have an empath child who is bullied - please consider signing up for the Empath Institute. I have a ton of tools in there to help stop the bullying as well as to recover from being bullied and reclaim your sense of self and power.

6. You’ll attract a narcissist, or be raised by one.

Empaths are like moths to a flame for people on the narcissistic spectrum. I cannot tell you how many I have personally encountered, and every day in my practice I work with empaths who either found themselves in a relationship with one, were raised by one, or both.

Narcissists have a huge vat of internal pain and lack of sense of self that needs to be filled by someone offering them love and support. Unfortunately, because of their own levels of self-hatred, they actually hate the person who loves them. They may act like they are better than others, but internally they have little self esteem, so the thinking goes “If this person actually loves and cares for me and I am such an awful person, then they must not be worth much.” At the same time, because they don’t really feel lovable, they are terrified of losing the empath who does love them, so they use all manner of intimidation, manipulation, love bombing, and whatever else they’ve got in their bag os tricks to keep the empath under their spell.

It’s disordered thinking that traps empaths in co-dependent and often abusive relationships. Because we MUST take away others’ pain in order to stop feeling their pain, we end up putting aside all our worries and personal needs to help that person. The problem is that you can never help a narcissist. You cannot help someone who doesn’t truly believe that something is wrong with him or her. There is no amount of logic or care or love or goodness that you can possibly offer that will help a narcissist to wake up and see how wonderful you are.

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist now, please seek help to get out (or just get out). At the end of this article, I will list a bunch of resources I love that can be a huge help to you.

If you were raised by a narcissist or have gotten away from one, please take time to heal yourself. Please understand that you were not a weak person for getting in to this relationship; you are just a caring person who tries to take away others’ pain. That makes you very attractive to a narcissist, who is hurting inside.

7. You’ll have a major difficulty saying “no.”

Empaths come into the world with a whole bunch of tools, such as the ability to heal other people, the ability to feel other’s pain and suffering, the desire to help the world, the desire to do good, and more.

What we do not come into the world equipped with is healthy boundaries. Because of that, saying “no” is almost impossible until we learn how to create a hold those boundaries, and that takes some work.

There are easy ways to start setting energetic boundaries in a way that allows you do so without feeling completely freaked out or weak. One thing I recommend is to start a “shielding practice” which allows you to start setting your boundaries from your core. It’s amazing how helpful this practice can be! There are many ways to Shield, I but I like to imagine that there is a bright, powerful ball of light that is in my solar plexus/core/stomach. Imagine that this ball of light is whatever color you would associate with safety or empowerment. Then, on each inhale, imagine that it gets bigger and brighter, starting to move out and around your body in steps (for instance, on the first inhale, have it surround just your core. On the next inhale, have it go all the way to your knees and all the way up to your shoulders, etc). Finish by having the light go all the way over your head at least a foot, and all the way under your feet at least a foot.

I have the entire Shield practice as well as a downloadable guided Shield meditation - and lots more tools and practices that can help you with all of this - in my Empath Institute, so consider getting on the list to join when it reopens, and you’ll have access to all of it!

What other life experiences have you had that seem to be common to empaths? I’d love to hear about it.

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The 5 Worst Places for an Empath - and How to Survive Them All

Did you know that some everyday places can be a war zone for an Empath? It's true. When you are super-sensitive to all the subtle changes in an environment and are also a sponge for people's emotions, some very normal places can become overwhelming. Here are five:

1. Hospitals:

As an Empath, you soak in all the pain and suffering of the world, whether or not you are consciously aware of it. It stands to reason that a hospital—a veritable castle of suffering— would be a truly awful place for you to be.

When my husband had a total hip replacement, the hospital staff recommended that I stay with him in the room. I was more than happy to do this, but I didn't realize what a toll it would take on me. Not only was I not sleeping much because of worrying incessantly about him, hearing various beeps, and being woken by hourly nurse visits, but I was also soaking in all my husband's pain as well as the pain of everyone on the whole floor. 

By the third day, I walked outside to get some air and just burst into tears. Being inside the hospital constantly for over 72 hours was a serious mistake for me, as it would be for you, if you're an Empath. 

2. Planes, Trains, and Buses

Because you are so sensitive to both subtle shifts in your environment as well as other people's energy, any mode of transportation where you are crammed in with lots of other people in a space that is moving and you cannot get away is pretty awful. 

Add to that the fact that you will feel every shift in altitude, bump, and turn and hear every noise, and it’s kinda hellish for you. 

3. Group Therapy Sessions

Group therapy is great for a lot of things, but for an Empath, it can be debilitating. While others feel better talking things out, the Empath in the group will be absorbing all the pain of everyone there. And, because Empaths are such natural healers, it's a safe bet that the Empath in the group with be the one that everyone looks to for help and healing, even when the Empath is there for healing themselves. 

One caveat on this one: If you can find a support group for Empaths, that is good for you. With a true support group filled with others like you, you can be heard and supported as much as you offer healing and support. Better yet, you will know that there are others like you out there in the world, and that can be really healing. 

4. Violent or Traumatic Films

I don't go to violent or traumatic films. I learned a long time ago that they would totally blow me out energetically, and I would pay for it with a sick feeling in the gut, shakiness, or exhaustion for days afterward. it's just not worth it to me, and it shouldn't be to you, either. 

Not only will the extreme sound effects bother you more than a non-Empath, but you will go on the director's emotional roller coaster much more than anyone else. You will FEEL the movie and feel for the characters in a way that is vastly different from non-empaths, and it will wear you out. 

I'd avoid them. You are absorbing enough of the difficult energy of the world; you don't need to add to that. 

5. Angry Offices

I worked in an office where I could feel the boss's emotional state before I ever saw her. She was an angry and seriously unbalanced woman, and she purposely led in a way that made people afraid of her. She was a total control freak, and by making everyone fear her, she got total loyalty and total compliance, which fed her crazy need for attention. 

It was awful. You'd scurry around, hoping that she wouldn't single you out for humiliation during that day's meeting. You could hear her screaming at co-workers behind closed doors. 

I would walk out of that office shaking, exhausted, and seriously off-center. I felt like a shell of myself, and I rarely felt the kind of joyful inspiration that is my normal. 

Have to go to one of these places? Here's how you survive. 

1. Limit your time or take breaks. 

People think I am crazy because I opt to break up a long flight with a stop rather than take the direct flight. However, I know I will do better if I can get on the ground and get away from others for a bit. 

If you can't do this, go to the bathroom and clear your head. I know it sounds silly, but the bathroom is one of those places where you can guarantee that you will get some time and space to yourself! Go in there and take a few deep breaths to calm yourself and to detach from all the emotional energy around you.

2. Put your shield up.

An energetic shield is one of the most useful things for an Empath, and it is also super easy to do. To create a shield, you simply imagine that you have a bright light that emanates out from your stomach and all the way around you, front and back, top and bottom. Imagine that this light is whatever color you would associate with protection or safety. When you are done, it should look like you have a colorful Easter egg of light surrounding your body. 

3. Practice grounding. 

Grounding is also an easy but essential practice for anyone that is a highly sensitive person. there are many ways to ground yourself, but some of my favorites include taking off your shoes and standing barefoot on the ground, holding on to a tree, or visualizing that you have roots of light that shoot out through the bottom of your feet like roots from a tree. I like to imagine that any stress or negativity is flowing out the bottom of my feet into the ground. 

The main thing with grounding is to do whatever makes sense to you to feel like you are standing on a solid foundation and reducing the build up of energy. It’s a lot like touching a wall or a wood dresser when you feel like you’ve built up a static charge (something that is now a frequent experience for me living in Denver); when you ground yourself, you are releasing the build up of all the emotional energy you’ve picked up moving through the world. 

4. Listen to your body and respect yourself by setting clear boundaries. 

Finally, if you are in any of the above places (or you know you will be), make sure to pay attention to how your body is feeling. If you start to feel tension in your shoulders or stomach, or a sense of unease in your legs, it’s time to make sure you get away from the situation for a bit. 

In addition, before you go, make sure you set clear boundaries about the amount of time you can deal with the situation as well as how you are going to interact with others. For instance, it’s very common for the Empath in the family to be the one sitting with an ill relative all day and night, while everyone else heads out to get lunch or coffee. This is not good for the Empath, nor is it fair. Instead, make sure to communicate clearly how much time you can be in the hospital, and create a schedule with others to make sure the ill loved one is getting support at all times. 

Or, perhaps all your friends are pressuring you to go to a violent movie. For your own good, it’s okay to say, “No, you guys go ahead. I’ll meet you for drinks afterwards.” You do not have to make them understand your reasons for not going. A simple, “I’m just not interested in that film, but you guys have a good time.” is perfectly okay. 

I realize setting clear boundaries is easier said than done, but it is critical for any Empath in the above situations in order to keep from being overwhelmed and exhausted. 

Are there things you do to help yourself stay centered when you are in one of the above difficult places? Please share them - I’d love to hear about it. 

Feel on the Verge of Outrage Fatigue? 5 Simple Strategies to Stop from Burning Out

 

It’s almost impossible to turn on your TV, computer, or phone without being bombarded with more bad news. 

With one cause after another needing (and deserving) help, and one tragedy after another creating a sense of outrage in our hearts, compassionate people run the very real risk of experiencing “outrage fatigue.” At it’s essence, outrage fatigue causes caring people to become so overwhelmed and exhausted by the awfulness of it all that we hide away, shutting down from everything as a survival instinct to a heart that cannot take anymore hurting. 

It’s an understandable defense mechanism. Unfortunately, getting to the point of shut down means there is a void in compassionate people helping the world, leaving non-caring and unscrupulous people free to go forward with their harmful agendas. 

What are empathic people to do, then? We can’t just keep beating ourselves down with an unending onslaught of tragedy and expect to be able to keep going, but we are also desperately needed in the world. 

The good news is that you can fight outrage fatigue and still engage in creating a better world. Here’s a game plan to surviving, thriving, and making a difference in difficult times: 

1. Pick one cause to focus on.

When we scatter our energy by getting involved with every new crisis or cause, our efforts become less effective and we become more exhausted. The more we do this, the more likely we  are to become so fatigued that we’re unable to do anything more. 

In contrast, by picking one cause that really speaks to our hearts and souls and then focusing all our energy on positive solutions there, we maximize the good we can do. Even better, When we pick a cause which we are passionate about, we have the energy to work towards positive solutions. 

Worried that some causes won’t get help? Trust that the cause speaks to the heart of another caring person who is putting all their energy into that one. 

2. Take a break from all media for a defined period. 

Tragedies happen every day, but when we are thousands of miles away and unable to provide realistic help, connecting to every single one compounds a sense of helplessness and, eventually, apathy. Unfortunately, the 24 hour media cycle means that if we are connected to our phones, computers, TVs, or newspapers, we are being hit with the latest horrifying thing in the world. 

It’s literally an assault on the compassionate heart. 

To combat this, mindfully disconnect from all media for a set amount of time. How much time is best? It’s whatever you feel you need to be able to refresh your soul. Listen to your heart and then take that amount of time off, whether it’s a day, a week, or a few hours each day.

Then, take a walk in nature. Enjoy friends and family. Read a great book. Do something that allows the heart to feel relaxed and whole. 

3. Seek other kind-hearted people. 

When things seem dire, finding a group of kind people to hang out with is a breath of fresh air. Call up your most compassionate friends and set a dinner date. Find a Meet Up group or support group in your area. 

There’s only one rule: No one can discuss tragedies or complaints. All focus needs to be on positive moments, compassion in action, or uplifting ideas. 

4. Begin a gratitude practice. 

Once your emotions have tapped in to one tragedy after another, it’s easy to see only bad in the world. 

Shift this reality by focusing on what you are grateful for each day. Create a gratitude journal, and take 5 minutes at the end of each day to write down 10 things you are grateful for. This simple practice refreshes the spirit, reconnects the heart with the positive, and brings more good into the physical reality. 

5. Practice scheduled self-care. 

With so much need in the world, who has time to take care of the self? 

Running from the latest cause to signing the latest petition to healing the latest broken life, it can feel that there is no time to take care of yourself. 

However, denying self-care is the fastest way to head to outrage fatigue and total burnout. 

Combat this by scheduling non-negotiable personal time every day, even if it is only ten minutes a day. Schedule a bigger chunk every week. 

What should this personal time be? Whatever refreshes your soul. For some, it’s taking a hot bath. For others, it’s a walk in nature. For someone else, it might be taking a drive with music blaring or taking a dance class. 

Whatever it is, treat it like a doctor’s appointment or business meeting; whatever you would normally need to organize in order to get to an appointment, do so. Work it out with your significant other to take the kids or dogs for an hour. Ask for help with other things in your life if you need it. 

Whatever you do, make it very clear that this is an important appointment with yourself, and you are very serious about keeping it. Then keep it! 

5 Ridiculous Myths About Being an Empath

Like any group of people, stereotypes and myths abound about Empaths.

Because of these myths, I get many questions from unaware Empaths who don't believe in their empathic abilities because they don't fit into these stereotypes.

Common questions are: 

• I think I might be an Empath, but I'm not an introvert. Does that mean I'm not one?

• I've heard Empaths are generally depressed. I'm highly sensitive but also super happy; I guess I'm not one then?

• I'm very logical, but I hear that most Empaths are more creative. Is that true?

Unfortunately, if you think you're an Empath but do not fit into these stereotypes, you might not seek the help you need to understand and protect this important aspect of you.  When you don't know how to turn it on and off, you can run out of energy pretty quickly. Suddenly, you end up super exhausted and unable to keep doing the good you want to do in the world. 

Let's just go ahead and keep that from happening, okay? 

It's time to bust some of the most ridiculous myths about being an Empath: 

 

1. All Empaths are introverts. 

This one is beyond false. Because they are constantly bombarded with experiencing other people’s emotions, Empaths may need to retreat to a quiet space more than other children. However, I know many Empaths (myself included!) who are extremely outgoing and who love people. 

2. Empaths are outsiders. 

While the common thought is that highly-sensitive people never quite fit in, that isn’t always the case. 

I am very much an Empath and was cheerleading captain all the way through college. I have an Empath friend who was the baseball captain. Of the many Empaths I work with, the vast majority were very involved in many school activities through their youth and are part of organizations and big groups of friends now.

In fact, many Empaths thrive on being part of a good group of people. When an Empath is balanced, they end up drawing positive energy from the experience of connecting with others and also put a lot of positive energy into any group they belong to.  

3. Empaths have few friends. 

Because Empaths see people’s true nature rather than the facade people put on, they are less likely to be concerned with cliques. Because of this, they are much more likely to reach out and become friends with people from many different walks of life, not concerning themselves as to whether one friend fits in with another. 

This tendency will often show up early in life; an Empath kid might have a friend who plays football, some that are in the band, a friend who acts in the school play, and one who writes for the newspaper. As adults, this will translate to friends that are everything from artists to accountants, are a wide range of ages, and are every shade of skin under the sun.

4. Empaths are always creative. 

Because of their sensitive nature, most Empaths do tend to have a more artistic side to them. However, that doesn’t mean that the only subjects they are drawn to are artistic in nature. 

Many Empaths end up doing very well in math and science and go on to become doctors, nurses, or therapists. However, Empaths can do well in any field, as long as it allows them to use their creative brains in ways that will help the world. 

Even better, because Empaths are more willing to discuss ideas with people from many different groups of people, they are also more likely to make breakthrough discoveries that cross conventional boundaries in all areas. 

5. Empaths are likely to be depressed. 

It’s true that Empaths can end up overwhelmed by all the emotions they take in on a daily basis, which can make them very sad and even depressed sometimes. However, this is often more about the empath being worn out by the depth of pain they feel from others than it is about being authentically depressed.

Unfortunately, in my experience, this myth can use Empaths to be misdiagnosed with depression, anxiety, and even bipolar disorder. 

When an Empath is taught how to keep negative emotions at bay, a profound shift often happens. The Empath finally feels like they have tools to be able to navigate an overwhelming world and is able to stop worrying about others all the time. When this happens, an Empath can finally start being happy and centered. 

Are you an Empath? Would you like to feel empowered and happy?

Sign up to be the first to get into my upcoming Empath Institute when it reopens! 
 

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