Why Empaths Have Hyper-Responsibility Syndrome - and What to Do About it

Do you have hyper-responsibility syndrome (lots of empaths do!)? 

Here’s what it is, how it drains your peace and power, and what to do about it! 

Do you ever feel like you are responsible for everyone’s problems?

And beat yourself up that you cannot solve them?

Do you drop everything anytime someone is in need? 

Do you feel like you are always on high alert, making sure you are the first one to sense any kind of problem - so that you can jump in and fix it? 

If so, you’ve got what I call hyper-responsibility syndrome. 

It’s common with empaths…but why?

As empaths, you already feel things others don’t

A change in energy in the room

A shift in emotion

Even other’s pain

Because of that, you are kind of like a canary in the coal mine - your empath senses allow you to be the first to know if something is off. 

That’s actually great - from a biological perspective, the world needs people like us to warn when there is danger! 

But from a life perspective, it’s not the greatest - 

Because what happens is, consciously or not, people in our lives decide that they are going to use that super-sensing power we have and get us to fix their problems for them.

Or, if you were brought up in a toxic household, the super-sensing power of yours became a survival tactic - 

Maybe you could sense when your dad was about to go on a rage, so you could get your younger siblings out of there…

Maybe you were the one that knew your mom was getting depressed again, and ran to her, trying to make her happy.

Maybe you sensed when your mom and dad were going to have a huge blow out, so you jumped in and tried to make the peace.

These are all very common experiences for any empath growing up in a difficult household.

What happened out of this?

You took on messaging that it was YOUR fault if you couldn’t avert issues in the house…

That it was your responsibility to make your mom happy or your dad calm - which is impossible! But everything in your hyper-sensitive body told you that you should do it.

As an adult, this negatively impacts your life in many ways:

1. You unconsciously pick toxic or difficult relationships with people you think you can fix.
   

2. You unconsciously take on more work than everyone else in your job.
   

3. You drop any of your own priorities anytime anyone says they need you or your help.
   

4. You end up carrying everyone else’s problems, trying to fix things that they will not.
   

5. You get taken advantage of, because manipulative people in your life make you believe that you “owe them.” 
   

6. You stay on high alert all the time, never resting. 
   

7. You lay awake at night pondering all the possible things that could go wrong and planning out what you will do in any of these scenarios. 
   

So, how can you fix this?

Step 1: Consciously accept that you are not responsible for everyone and everything.

This was a HARD one for me…it’s truly only been the last few years since I finally was able to actually embody this truth into my being.

I learned from a young age that I should “make everyone better.” Of course, that’s completely impossible! But I had to try.

As I grew, I continued to be responsible for everyone else…even for things that I could not POSSIBLY be responsible for! 

Here’s the thing: 

You can know the right direction for someone.

You can want to help them.

You can given them your very best.

But you cannot make them change.

And you are not responsible if they don’t.

Here’s a mantra I started saying to myself over and over in order to finally believe this (you should, too!):

“I did not create this issue, and I cannot solve it. I can offer love and help, but I cannot fix this for them. I am not responsible for the outcome.”

Step 2: Identify where you are hyper-responsible.

Take out a journal and think about the people in your life.

With each one, ask yourself: Do I feel responsible for how they feel? Do I feel responsible for fixing them or fixing difficult circumstances for them? Do I often do everything to solve one of their problems, while they do nothing?

I had a client do this practice with her son. He was 40 years old, and she was still bailing him out financially, emotionally, and even physically. She kept telling me all the reasons why she had to keep doing this, despite the fact that it was draining her emotionally and financially, and it was putting an enormous strain on her relationship with her husband. 

“But if I don’t do it, he won’t have anywhere to live! He will lose his son! He will be angry with me! He might stop talking to me!” 

You can probably see where this is going, but here it is: 

The son realized that he didn’t have to take any responsibility for himself or his life by simply manipulating his empath mom to keep saving him. Meanwhile, the son was using drugs (but they weren’t really his - honest!). And leaving his 8 year old son home alone (it was his girlfriend’s fault, not his!). 

It went on and on. 

She absolutely had the BEST of intentions, but her son was never, ever going to learn and take responsibility for himself if she kept running to his rescue.

Now, obviously this is very hard when it is someone you love - or when a child is involved. But I give you this example to show you what it looks like - and how well-meaning the empath is in the situation - but how no one is really getting saved here. 

Take a look at your life; where do you have some of these kinds of relationships? Where could the person actually take personal responsibility and save themselves? 

3. Make a commitment to say “no”  for one week to any request from people you identified as a problem person for you. 

This is going to be SUPER uncomfortable for you, but it will make a big difference - if you can stand it! 

I have had to learn this one, and once I did, I was able to shift so many things. Did I lose a few relationships in my life? 

I did. 

But they were not really relationships - they were one-sided: I gave. They took.

To help you do this, write down the kinds of requests you think you’d be likely to get from each person.

Request for money? Attention? Saving? 

Then, write down the ways you can say “no.” 

Here’s a few good ones to get you started: 

• “Unfortunately, I have to pass on this.” 

• “Sadly, I can’t” 

• “No, I am unable to do that.”

• “I appreciate the offer, but it’s not going to work for me.” 

• “I’m sorry, my friend, but I can’t.”
  

Or, give yourself a little more time, like this:

• “I appreciate the offer; I need to think about it.”

• “I need a bit of time to think about it. I’ll get back to you tomorrow with my answer.” 
  

Again, this is going to be uncomfortable at first. Prepare for some blow back if you have people that are used to you always saying “yes” to their every whim. 

Remind yourself that you are strong enough to do this. 

Think about WHY you want to change - maybe you’d like to have money for yourself! Maybe you’d like to be able to spend a weekend relaxing and recharging, instead of saving your relatives. Maybe you’d like to have energy to work on something that is important to you - a creative project or business idea. Maybe you’d just like to feel calmer! 

Keep that WHY in your head as you deal with this person.

And remember, you do NOT have to allow yourself to be abused, berated, or manipulated. 

Walk away if you need to. Hang up the phone with a “I am happy to discuss this with you when you are able to speak kindly to me.” 

This is all about truly embodying that YOU are also important to YOU. That you are allowed to have time, space, and money for you.

And that you don’t have to be on all the time, or at other’s beck and call. Just because you care does not mean you have to always rush in to save. 

4. Learn how to control your empath nature to make this easier! 

As an empath it can be REALLY hard to shift these kinds of things because you do feel the other person’s needs and frustration. 

Of course, when you feel it, you want to make it stop! Not only do you not want the other person to feel that way, but you want to not experience it from them.

That’s why it’s important to know how to protect your energy, control how much of other’s emotions and feelings you take on, and how to detach yourself from others so you are not plugged in to them all day. 

An easy way to learn to do this is in my Empathic Badass 5 day challenge! 

In there, you will learn: 

• How to control how much emotion and energy you take on. (No more need for coping mechanisms, like hiding in the bathroom or canceling plans!)

• How to pull your energy back from situations and people that drain you (and say “no” without guilt when you need to!). 

• How to decide whether or not you should help. 

• How to set healthy boundaries (energetically and otherwise).

• How to have energy for yourself and your life! 

• How to use your gifts to help the world WITHOUT burning out!
  

I’m thrilled to say that I have heard from so many people who joined the challenge, and they are already feeling dramatically  more empowered and energized!

Here are a couple of recent rave reviews:

“This is absolutely the most life-changing thing I have done for myself as an empath. I can’t say enough about what you have created here!” - Ella, London

”Thank God for you, Tara. Seriously. I have cried myself to sleep for years wondering what was wrong with me. In the first hour, I knew NOTHING was wrong with me - I am an empath and did not know what to do about it!!” - Janie, Australia

The practices I teach take only minutes a day, but they will change your life for the better in SO many ways. 

If you are ready to finally stop being hyper-responsible and actually have time, energy, and focus for yourself, jump in to the challenge now. 

Why Empaths go beyond the point of burnout - and how to take care so you don't!

✔️Do you feel guilty when you need to shut down for a while?

✔️Are you sometimes not even able to respond to a text, because that is energy you just don't have?

✔️Do you feel weird or weak when you need to hide in your room for a while - or a whole weekend - because you simply cannot take one more bit of stimulation?

✔️Is it almost impossible for you to stop helping, even when you KNOW you are on the way to burn out (or are already there)?

👂 If this sounds familiar, listen up (I speak from real life experience here):

Empaths are more prone to burnout and compassion fatigue than any other group, but they deal with it completely differently.

How so?

A caring non-empath might get to burnout and go numb, get worn out, realize they are going to get sick, and then they will stop helping or shut down (or both). They will detach from the situation and stop caring. A survival instinct kicks in and they stop.

They will, basically, save themselves.

An empath will have all the same issues of sleeplessness, stress, exhaustion, irritability, and increased illness - maybe even serious illnesses - but he or she will NOT stop giving, taking care of whoever or whatever, or basically saving the world.

This is how so many empaths end up seriously ill; they go to the place of total burnout and, despite every sign that they are going to break, they keep pushing forward.

Their need to help overrides their need for self-care.

A sick empath helps no one. Honor your need to recharge. It's okay to shut down. If you don't protect your energy, no one else will do it for you.

Need help with this? Go here for lots of free resources!

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Becoming an Aware Empath: Trusting (and Strengthening!) Your Empathic Abilities

Are you an unaware empath?

Yeah, I used to be, too. It’s more than a little overwhelming.

If you an an unaware empath, you will experience these things:

1. Getting headaches and stomachaches, but only around certain people.

2. Feeling overwhelmed in crowds, with no particular reason.

3. Suddenly having your mood change (for instance, suddenly feeling very “on edge” or angry, when you were perfectly happy, and there is no reason for that change in you).

4. Having certain symptoms or even illnesses, but only around a particular person.

5. Feeling very anxious and overly alert in public transportation situations

This can make you feel like you are crazy (you aren’t!).

I even went to a therapist many, many years ago and was trying to explain all of these things to her. She diagnosed me with bipolar disease.

I am the least bipolar person you will ever meet, but that was her answer for all that I was explaining. Thank goodness I had enough self-esteem and sense to walk out of there and refuse that diagnosis.*

I’ve worked with SO many empaths that have had similar things happen - that were told they had some mental illness, when, in fact, what they have is a finely-tuned emotional and energetic system that is absorbing everything from everyone around them all the time.

And they can’t control it.

This is why I developed by 4 A’s of Awareness process for empaths!

When you are able to understand this simple process of becoming aware of whose emotion you are feeling and then knowing if (and how) you need to act on it, you will be so much more aware and in control of you empath abilities!!

Want more tools and resources like this? Sign up for my Empath Institute today!

Empaths, it's time to claim your truth.

Empaths are experts at hiding our true selves.

We sit through violent movies with friends and try to act like it's all fine, but end up having nightmares about it later.

We stand up to bullies at school for other kids, making ourselves the target. And we try to act like it's not affecting us, but it's traumatizing. But we'd rather be the focus of the bully than allow another kid that we think can't take it be the one taking all the abuse.

We go to work and we are afraid of showing our sensitivity in the corporate world, because, after all, it's "dog eat dog," and sensitivity is seen as weakness. But we come home after being in that environment for an entire day and absorbing everyone else's emotions and we fall in bed, unable to process any more of it.

Sometimes we need whole weekends to try to recover from all that we are sensing and picking up. So we avoid answering texts or phone calls. We make up flimsy excuses for why we can't go hang out with friends or family, when the truth is that our nervous system is so freakin overloaded that we need to shut everyone and everything out. One more bit of stimulation might just blow our whole system.

But we hide this, or we try to. Of course, all of that hiding who we truly are and what we are truly feeling turns into depression, anxiety, headaches, stomach aches, shoulder pain, and so much more. Pushing it in isn't a solution; it will come out one way or another.

The only way forward is to be who we truly are, and feel pride in our sensitivity. Feeling other's emotions and pain and still being able to carry on through the day is a super-power. Feeling all of that and being able to help people is amazing.

Empaths are badasses.

Take that belief into your soul, and forget about anything anyone else has every told you. You are a badass.

Want to find out how strong of an empath you are, and how much it affects your life on a day-to-day basis? Take my empath test now.