Guess What? You Don't Need to Be Perfect to Be Worthy (Really)

Are you a perfectionist? 

A lot of us are (including me), and that’s not a good thing. 

When you hold yourself up to a perfect ideal, you are telling life that you do not deserve love, respect, or any other good thing unless you meet that ideal. Of course, it is impossible to be perfect, so you end up feeling like a failure because you never get what you want. 

Perfectionism is also at the root of most addiction. Anorexics think that they will be lovable if they are thin. Alcoholics and drug addicts fear that they will never be as perfect as they think they need to be, so they drown this hurt and pain in the bottle or with pills—at least this way, they can have a reason why they are not living up to the ideal. Workaholics are always striving to prove themselves worthy of their jobs, love, and the respect of others by working themselves into the ground. Overeaters are often so frustrated at feeling that they will never measure up to the ideal body that they just eat—this way, they have control over how they failed. Plastic surgery addicts are chasing their individual belief of the perfect body, believing that attaining it will earn them love and approval.

Perfectionism is a nasty thing, because it never allows you to be good enough, lovable enough, or just enough. A perfectionist could do an absolutely perfect job, but they will only see the little flaws that no one would ever notice. Happiness is elusive for a perfectionist, because there is always something more that can be done to make their work, life, or body better.

This way of life will literally eat you alive. It is self-hatred, plain and simple. To live up to some fictionalized ideal, you will restrict eating, exercise excessively, and work until you have pushed way beyond your limits. You will beat yourself up for every single slight, mistake, or imperfection, and make yourself sick with worry that someone will find out that you are not as great as everyone thinks that you are. By making the ideal more important than you and your heath, your body will get the message that you do not really care about yourself, often resulting in disorders such as chronic fatigue and mononucleosis. 

Stop abusing yourself! It’s time to start taking care of yourself and learn to accept yourself as you are now. Understand that no matter what messages you have received on what makes someone perfect, none of it is true. There is no ideal, and there is no perfect person. You are perfect as you are right now. 

Choose to connect with your inner beauty and truly love yourself for being you. Choose to be authentic to yourself, your instincts, and your needs. When you make a little mistake, take a deep breath and say “So what?” Everyone is entitled to make mistakes. 

Instead of seeing your “flaws,” realize that these very flaws are what make you unique and desirable. After all, Cindy Crawford could have seen the mole on her lip as a flaw, but it became a real asset for her career and a very desirable beauty mark. Jennifer Lopez could have listened to mainstream media and believed that her backside as too big, but instead it is a real strength for her and her career. Beyond just celebrities, look around at all of those that you admire; notice how their uniqueness is actually a true benefit to be loved and admired.

You are just as beautiful. Feel it in your spirit. Accept it in your soul.  

The Flow Method Questions and Actions: 

1. If you are a perfectionist, why do you feel that you need to be perfect? Are you afraid of not measuring up? Not being loveable? Not being accepted? Were you raised in a family where every little slight, action, or word was analyzed and blown up to massive proportions? Do you still fear that one word or phrase will cause a catastrophic response?

2. How often do you push yourself beyond your limits to chase an ideal? Where did the ideal come from? Can you make yourself worthy of taking care of yourself? Try using the affirmation, “I love myself. I am good enough in every way. I am perfect just as I am.”

Would this article help others in your life? I'd be so grateful if you'd share it with them - and I bet they would be, too! Much love and gratitude!

Even Perfect Women Have a Breaking Point: How to Give Yourself a Break Before You Fall Apart

I ripped the leg off my Barbie as a child.

This confession comes with a caveat: It was an accident. I was simply trying to see how flexible she was and kept clicking the leg back until “crack!” - it just came off. 

As it turns out, even the “perfect woman” has a breaking point.

While I meant her no harm in that moment, I never cared much for Barbie even as a child. I think even my 5 year old self knew there was something very wrong with the perfect image of Barbie: ever smiling, wearing all matching outfits, ridiculously proportioned, and looking for her perfect Ken so she could have the perfect kids and house and life. 

Looking back at the memory of holding her leg in my hand, I realize that I was learning an important lesson: Trying to be perfect all the time ends up breaking you, no matter how flexible or strong you think you are. 

If you have been trying to be flawless for too long - holding up an unrealistic image and schedule - and are reaching your breaking point, it’s time to rethink perfection and give yourself some unconditional love and support.

Love your imperfection - it’s likely what makes you unique!

Copyright Fadsin Cinema Associates, 1975

Remember that movie Stepford Wives?  All the women were exactly the same, turned into robots who looked and acted like society’s image of a perfect woman. Watching the movie, it is obvious that having all women everywhere cater to one definition of “woman” is not only creepy, it is highly undesirable.

However, after being fed a constant stream of air-brushed, cosmetically enhanced media images of the women we “should” be, it is far less obvious in our own day-to-day lives that we often strive to live up to a similar “perfect” or “normal” standard that would erase all that makes us unique. 

Worse, holding ourselves up to these so-called perfect images, we begin to hate aspects of ourselves that don’t seem to fit into this flawless frame. The more we hate ourselves, the more we attract negative, critical people and experiences to our lives, which makes us feel even more imperfect. 

To break the negative cycle, try this:

Tomorrow morning when you look in the mirror for the first time, notice what you say to yourself. Is it critical? Do you judge yourself harshly? If so, catch yourself in mid-thought. Take a deep breath, and think of a time when you felt truly loved and desired. When you have this emotion flowing all over your body, look yourself in the eyes, smile, and say to yourself, “I love myself. Who I am right now is beautiful.” 

If nitpicking at yourself is a habit, this will be very hard at first. Just be gentle with yourself and keep at it. 

Once you feel like you can send love to your eyes, it is time to send a little love to the rest of you. Find one part of your body that you dislike, and keep at it until the love starts to seep in. When you start to feel better about that body part, move on to the next one. Keep it up until you can honestly look at any part of you without feeling hatred, judgment, or criticism. 

This practice may seem silly. It may seem like too much work. It may seem too uncomfortable for you to do. Do it anyway.

The truth is that until you love yourself unconditionally and honor your uniqueness, you will never find people - in love, business, or friendship - that offer you the love and respect you truly deserve. 

So, own your uniqueness fully. Look at it as the asset it is. After all, history is full of successful women who became so because they were not afraid to be different from the norm and learned how to use their individuality as their “wow” factor.

Be different. Be you. Love yourself. Stand out from the crowd. Be proud of your differences, and use them to become truly memorable!

Best of all, when you embrace who are are and make decisions from a place of self-love then you won’t end up breaking, and isn’t that worth it in the end?  

Tara's Questions for Positive Change:

1. For one hour of TV watching, write down any messages you notice that advertisers or media is putting forth on what is a “perfect woman.” Now, write up your list of how you define being a woman. How does your list differ from the media perspective? 
2. What do you hate most about yourself? Can you first remember when you decided that it wasn’t okay? What were the circumstances? 
3. Think about the words you use to criticize yourself. Are they the same words that you heard parents, teachers, coaches, friends, or other authority figures use to criticize you? Realize that there is no need for you to continue to believe that another person’s perspective on you is right.
4. What is really different about you? Make a list. Then, think about how that uniqueness benefits your life. How can you use that difference, be it in looks or in how you see the world, to make yourself unforgettable? How about to benefit the world?
5. How do you think your life would be different if you truly accepted and loved yourself? 

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