My 1 Minute Tip for Shifting from Negativity to Positivity

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Why Empaths Have Hyper-Responsibility Syndrome - and What to Do About it

Do you have hyper-responsibility syndrome (lots of empaths do!)? 

Here’s what it is, how it drains your peace and power, and what to do about it! 

Do you ever feel like you are responsible for everyone’s problems?

And beat yourself up that you cannot solve them?

Do you drop everything anytime someone is in need? 

Do you feel like you are always on high alert, making sure you are the first one to sense any kind of problem - so that you can jump in and fix it? 

If so, you’ve got what I call hyper-responsibility syndrome. 

It’s common with empaths…but why?

As empaths, you already feel things others don’t

A change in energy in the room

A shift in emotion

Even other’s pain

Because of that, you are kind of like a canary in the coal mine - your empath senses allow you to be the first to know if something is off. 

That’s actually great - from a biological perspective, the world needs people like us to warn when there is danger! 

But from a life perspective, it’s not the greatest - 

Because what happens is, consciously or not, people in our lives decide that they are going to use that super-sensing power we have and get us to fix their problems for them.

Or, if you were brought up in a toxic household, the super-sensing power of yours became a survival tactic - 

Maybe you could sense when your dad was about to go on a rage, so you could get your younger siblings out of there…

Maybe you were the one that knew your mom was getting depressed again, and ran to her, trying to make her happy.

Maybe you sensed when your mom and dad were going to have a huge blow out, so you jumped in and tried to make the peace.

These are all very common experiences for any empath growing up in a difficult household.

What happened out of this?

You took on messaging that it was YOUR fault if you couldn’t avert issues in the house…

That it was your responsibility to make your mom happy or your dad calm - which is impossible! But everything in your hyper-sensitive body told you that you should do it.

As an adult, this negatively impacts your life in many ways:

1. You unconsciously pick toxic or difficult relationships with people you think you can fix.
   

2. You unconsciously take on more work than everyone else in your job.
   

3. You drop any of your own priorities anytime anyone says they need you or your help.
   

4. You end up carrying everyone else’s problems, trying to fix things that they will not.
   

5. You get taken advantage of, because manipulative people in your life make you believe that you “owe them.” 
   

6. You stay on high alert all the time, never resting. 
   

7. You lay awake at night pondering all the possible things that could go wrong and planning out what you will do in any of these scenarios. 
   

So, how can you fix this?

Step 1: Consciously accept that you are not responsible for everyone and everything.

This was a HARD one for me…it’s truly only been the last few years since I finally was able to actually embody this truth into my being.

I learned from a young age that I should “make everyone better.” Of course, that’s completely impossible! But I had to try.

As I grew, I continued to be responsible for everyone else…even for things that I could not POSSIBLY be responsible for! 

Here’s the thing: 

You can know the right direction for someone.

You can want to help them.

You can given them your very best.

But you cannot make them change.

And you are not responsible if they don’t.

Here’s a mantra I started saying to myself over and over in order to finally believe this (you should, too!):

“I did not create this issue, and I cannot solve it. I can offer love and help, but I cannot fix this for them. I am not responsible for the outcome.”

Step 2: Identify where you are hyper-responsible.

Take out a journal and think about the people in your life.

With each one, ask yourself: Do I feel responsible for how they feel? Do I feel responsible for fixing them or fixing difficult circumstances for them? Do I often do everything to solve one of their problems, while they do nothing?

I had a client do this practice with her son. He was 40 years old, and she was still bailing him out financially, emotionally, and even physically. She kept telling me all the reasons why she had to keep doing this, despite the fact that it was draining her emotionally and financially, and it was putting an enormous strain on her relationship with her husband. 

“But if I don’t do it, he won’t have anywhere to live! He will lose his son! He will be angry with me! He might stop talking to me!” 

You can probably see where this is going, but here it is: 

The son realized that he didn’t have to take any responsibility for himself or his life by simply manipulating his empath mom to keep saving him. Meanwhile, the son was using drugs (but they weren’t really his - honest!). And leaving his 8 year old son home alone (it was his girlfriend’s fault, not his!). 

It went on and on. 

She absolutely had the BEST of intentions, but her son was never, ever going to learn and take responsibility for himself if she kept running to his rescue.

Now, obviously this is very hard when it is someone you love - or when a child is involved. But I give you this example to show you what it looks like - and how well-meaning the empath is in the situation - but how no one is really getting saved here. 

Take a look at your life; where do you have some of these kinds of relationships? Where could the person actually take personal responsibility and save themselves? 

3. Make a commitment to say “no”  for one week to any request from people you identified as a problem person for you. 

This is going to be SUPER uncomfortable for you, but it will make a big difference - if you can stand it! 

I have had to learn this one, and once I did, I was able to shift so many things. Did I lose a few relationships in my life? 

I did. 

But they were not really relationships - they were one-sided: I gave. They took.

To help you do this, write down the kinds of requests you think you’d be likely to get from each person.

Request for money? Attention? Saving? 

Then, write down the ways you can say “no.” 

Here’s a few good ones to get you started: 

• “Unfortunately, I have to pass on this.” 

• “Sadly, I can’t” 

• “No, I am unable to do that.”

• “I appreciate the offer, but it’s not going to work for me.” 

• “I’m sorry, my friend, but I can’t.”
  

Or, give yourself a little more time, like this:

• “I appreciate the offer; I need to think about it.”

• “I need a bit of time to think about it. I’ll get back to you tomorrow with my answer.” 
  

Again, this is going to be uncomfortable at first. Prepare for some blow back if you have people that are used to you always saying “yes” to their every whim. 

Remind yourself that you are strong enough to do this. 

Think about WHY you want to change - maybe you’d like to have money for yourself! Maybe you’d like to be able to spend a weekend relaxing and recharging, instead of saving your relatives. Maybe you’d like to have energy to work on something that is important to you - a creative project or business idea. Maybe you’d just like to feel calmer! 

Keep that WHY in your head as you deal with this person.

And remember, you do NOT have to allow yourself to be abused, berated, or manipulated. 

Walk away if you need to. Hang up the phone with a “I am happy to discuss this with you when you are able to speak kindly to me.” 

This is all about truly embodying that YOU are also important to YOU. That you are allowed to have time, space, and money for you.

And that you don’t have to be on all the time, or at other’s beck and call. Just because you care does not mean you have to always rush in to save. 

4. Learn how to control your empath nature to make this easier! 

As an empath it can be REALLY hard to shift these kinds of things because you do feel the other person’s needs and frustration. 

Of course, when you feel it, you want to make it stop! Not only do you not want the other person to feel that way, but you want to not experience it from them.

That’s why it’s important to know how to protect your energy, control how much of other’s emotions and feelings you take on, and how to detach yourself from others so you are not plugged in to them all day. 

An easy way to learn to do this is in my Empathic Badass 5 day challenge! 

In there, you will learn: 

• How to control how much emotion and energy you take on. (No more need for coping mechanisms, like hiding in the bathroom or canceling plans!)

• How to pull your energy back from situations and people that drain you (and say “no” without guilt when you need to!). 

• How to decide whether or not you should help. 

• How to set healthy boundaries (energetically and otherwise).

• How to have energy for yourself and your life! 

• How to use your gifts to help the world WITHOUT burning out!
  

I’m thrilled to say that I have heard from so many people who joined the challenge, and they are already feeling dramatically  more empowered and energized!

Here are a couple of recent rave reviews:

“This is absolutely the most life-changing thing I have done for myself as an empath. I can’t say enough about what you have created here!” - Ella, London

”Thank God for you, Tara. Seriously. I have cried myself to sleep for years wondering what was wrong with me. In the first hour, I knew NOTHING was wrong with me - I am an empath and did not know what to do about it!!” - Janie, Australia

The practices I teach take only minutes a day, but they will change your life for the better in SO many ways. 

If you are ready to finally stop being hyper-responsible and actually have time, energy, and focus for yourself, jump in to the challenge now. 

How to Put Down Things You are Not Supposed to Carry

Mantra for 2023: PUT IT DOWN.

For a lot of us, carrying everyone else's stresses and pain and worries is a way of life.

It's so automatic that we don't even notice it happening, until we start having shoulder pain…

And aren’t sleeping well…

And feel completely keyed up all the time. 

I find that this is particularly hard for empaths…

We are trained to look for solutions to people's pain and suffering.

We WANT to make it stop.

We WANT to help.

And that's amazing! 

But, if we don't know where we end and the other person begins, it becomes a problem.

A BIG problem.

We end up unknowingly carrying a big ol' backpack filled with other people's stuff.

In this state, you cannot relax. 

You are on hyper-alert, desperately trying to solve at least a few of the things you are carrying.

You start buckling under the weight.

Eventually, you break.

If you break, you are no good to anyone.

But beyond that, YOU deserve to be happy.

YOU deserve to live a good life.

YOU deserve to have energy for yourself.

YOU deserve to be present. 

So, how do you stop carrying everyone else all the time?

You begin by realizing that others have the same power you do.

They have the same free will to make their choices.

And they are going to use that power in the way they wish.

You realize that you can show up, give them your best, and then put it down. 

What they do from there is on them, not you.

This came up last week on my practitioner certification call...

One of the students had serious shoulder and neck pain; it was clear that she was carrying everyone else on her back. 

So, we took a look at what she was carrying...

Her mom was in pain and needed to go to the doctor.

She had repeatedly begged her mom to go.

And yet, her mom was not going to the doctor, and she was very stressed about this. 

I asked her: "Can you MAKE your mom go to the doctor?"

She replied, "No."

"So, you have done what you can do. Put it down."

The same was true for a worry she had for her 25 year old son...

"Can you make him do what you believe is best, and probably IS best?"

"No," she replied, laughing. "He has always been stubborn, even from a small child...I could never tell him what to do."

"So you have 25 years of experience that tells you that you are only going to stress yourself out trying to hound him to do what's best. Put it down."

By the time we had gone through the list of things she was carrying, she told me, "You know what? My shoulder and neck pain is totally gone!"

She had put down the emotional backpack, releasing all of the stress and worry. 

You can do this, too.

Take a look at the things you are carrying. Then ask yourself:

"Have I done what I can?"

"Have I shown up and used my personal power in the best ways?"

"Can I MAKE this person take the positive steps I know would be best for them?" (SPOILER: The answer to this one is 'no." 😂)

Then, make the choice to put it all down. 

You've done what you can.

This is where your responsibility ends and the other’s begins.

See other people as powerful.

See them as having the same power you do to make choices.

Understand that you are using your power as you choose, and they are using theirs as they choose.

They may choose to stay stuck.

They may be so attached to pain and suffering that they use their power to stay that way. 

Or, they may use their power to move forward in a way you didn't expect, but is best for them.

Put them down.

Then look at how you can use your power in the best ways.

What can you do with all the extra energy you have when you put down the responsibility for others' lives and choices?

What can you do to stay in the present moment and find joy for yourself and your life?

What steps do YOU need to take to live your best life now? 

Do that. 

And, throughout the day, remind yourself to not carry others.

Stand up, act like you are taking the backpack off, and say out loud, "I am putting it down!"

P.S.

Are you carrying heavy burdens and are in pain?

Are you dealing with life stressors or past trauma and have pain or disease?

If so, make 2023 the year you learn to listen to your body and heal.

When you understand the message your body is sending you in pain or disease, you can heal everything - your body, your mind, and your life…

Because it is ALL interconnected.

That trauma you went through as a child is showing up as low back pain today.

Or that divorce you had two years ago is affecting your legs, causing aching pain as you try to move forward.

Or dealing with a toxic boss is showing up as a sore throat and shoulder pain.

Your body is desperately trying to tell you where the wounds are that need healed…

What life experiences need shifted….

What relationships to change or release….

But you can’t understand until you know how to translate the whole message behind every ache, pain, lump, bump, or rash.

Every symptom has an underlying meaning…

But you have to learn the language - like learning a foreign language.

You don’t know that “Hola!” Or “Bonjour!” means “hello!” until you are taught that…

Likewise, you don’t know that a stabbing pain in the left shoulder means you are being attacked by a woman in your life…until I teach you that! 

And, like learning a foreign language, once you learn how to translate symptoms, you know how to do it for the rest of your life.

If you are ready to bring power and healing to your life NOW?

Join Body Language: Deciphering Your Body’s Clues so You Can Heal today! 

Right now, it’s only $222 for everything….

Including group mentoring with me once a month AND a 20 minute private session where I translate the message behind your pain or disease and get you on the path to healing.

It’s an over $3,000 value with everything I include…

This is the lowest I will offer this in 2023, so join now.

I can’t wait to help you bring power and healing to your life! 

(It’s my favorite thing to do!) 

Is the Season the Reason for Your Pain?

Is the season the reason you are in pain?

I’d been having a whole lot of weird aches and pains and anxieties surface, all starting right about Thanksgiving. 

I was scattered and STRESSED. 

And my right knee started having this stabbing pain, particularly when going up stairs. 

I was wondering what the heck was wrong with me when it hit me:

My body was remembering some old traumas that happened right around Thanksgiving a few years ago.

Thanksgiving hit, and bam - my body was waving red flags that I had not healed something.

I’d dealt with it at the time. 

I thought I moved through it.

But I had not actually take the time to fully heal it - to feel the emotions around it, to look at what happened, and make decisions on what I needed to do about what I learned in the process. 

Interestingly, all the anxieties I was feeling were exactly how I felt then.

And the right knee issue was, from a medical intuitive perspective, about me not being able to feel safe stepping up to a higher level. 

I had definitely taken on a belief about it not being safe to step forward during the original trauma.

Traumas are stored in our bodies. 

When we don’t fully deal with them at the time, they resurface during the anniversary of the trauma. 

We may not consciously remember the date, but the subconscious does. 

And the body starts talking, trying to get your attention for healing that needs to be done - emotionally, energetically, and then physically. 

Sometimes the season is the reason for your pain. 

If you’ve been dealing with out-of-the blue pain, strange symptoms, or unexpected flare ups of disease, it might be a trigger from holidays gone by.

To figure out what’s happening (and fix it), try these tips:

1. Take a moment to think through your holiday experiences.
   Do you have holidays that had major stressors? Family fights? Loss of income? Or other majorly stressful, traumatic issues?
   
   

2. If so, write about how you felt at the time.
   Try to do a stream-of-consciousness kind of writing - just start writing, and keep writing, without editing anything you write. Let it come out however it needs to.
   
   To get going, use these journal prompts:
   “Here’s everything that happened during that time…”
   “When this happened, I felt….”
   “What I wish had happened was….”
   “When I this happened, this is how I felt about myself…”
   
   

3. Look at the symptoms you are experiencing. How might they relate to how you felt at the time?
   For instance, if you are experiencing aching pain, it’s likely you felt heartbroken at the time.
   Stabbing pain? You felt attacked.
   Hard time breathing? Your breath was taken away by whatever happened; it stifled you.
   Back pain? You felt unsupported at the time.
   Pounding headaches? You felt frustrated and stuck by the situation; you could not find a solution (or, you intuitively knew the solution, but could not put it in place).
   Sinus infection? Something right in front of your face (someone close to you) made you feel blocked and stuck.
   
   Write about your symptoms and see if you can intuitively relate the symptoms to what they might be saying about the root issue.
   (If you need help with this, join my Body Language program! You’ll be able to decipher everything and have an healing action plan in no time!)
   
   

4. Shift the trigger.
   Every experience in life creates little memories in our minds. Those memories are a combination of everything we felt, sensed, and did in that moment.
   
   When we encounter a trigger that is ANY part of that original experience, our mind brings up the entire memory again, causing us to re-experience things as if it were real now.
   
   For instance, maybe you were in a car crash. When it happened, your favorite song was on the radio. In that moment of the crash, you felt fear, panic, pain, and shock. The intensity of those emotions combined with the sound of the cars hitting, the sight of the car coming at you, and the sound of that song.
   
   Fast forward a month, and that same song comes on the radio. You suddenly feel panic and anxiety. Your breath quickens. You become tense and hyper-alert.
   
   Your mind now associates that song with all that you experienced in the accident. Whenever you hear that song, all those emotions and feeling are pulled up subconsciously.
   
   It’s the same with ANY trigger, but the holidays are a big one.
   
   One of my current clients called up sobbing. It was just before Thanksgiving, and she was suddenly overwhelmed with negativity and panic. She was so depressed that she could barely get out of bed. And she had a massive flare up in gastritis, causing stomach pain and vomiting.
   
   We were able to identify the trigger - she had NEVER had a good holiday. Her mom was an abusive alcoholic and had married an abusive man. It always got worse during the holidays. She remembers her stomach hurting the closer it got to Christmas each year, knowing that Christmas would be horrible.
   
   Her body was simply remembering that she needed to start worrying in November, so when mid-November came around, all these symptoms flared up.
   
   She no longer lives with her mom, but the effects of that were showing up like she did.
   
   She needed to take charge and create new associations with the holidays.
   
   So, we came up with new traditions that she was excited about. We talked about songs to play and things to do to shift the energy of this season from one of stress, fear, and disappointment to happiness, joy, and the holiday SHE wanted to create (and the one she deserved as a child).
   
   I’d suggest you do the same. How can you claim the holiday in a new way that is authentic to you? If there is a certain day that has an anniversary which is difficult for you, how can you choose to do something positive for you that day - that honors the anniversary, but creates a new memory?
   
   Find things that bring YOU joy this holiday season. Create a new set of traditions that YOU are excited about. Create what YOU want this holiday, and start making that your intent every holiday.
   
   And finally, give yourself some extra grace. This is a hard time of year for so many people. Be gentle with yourself. Extend extra love and kindness to all you meet.

If you’d like help in deciphering the message of ANY pain and disease - and heal it all from the root - join my Body Language: Deciphering Your Body’s Clues so You Can Heal program today!

Only $222 for the whole course, guided meditations, powerful healing practices, group sessions with me, and 20 minute private mini sessions where I personally translate the message behind your pain and disease and get you on the path to healing. 

It will be $1111 after the 1st of the year, so now is the time to jump in and take back power in your mind, body, and life! 

Your body is talking. Let me teach you how to listen and heal. ❤️ (It’s my absolute favorite thing to do in the world - so please let me help you!)

Sending you joy and love this holiday, and always -
Tara