A Simple Survival Guide for Empaths: 5 Strategies to Put in Place Now (Your Wellbeing Depends on it)

As an Empath, you absorb more of the world's erratic emotions and dysfunctional energy than other people. While this can be useful—for instance, you are a terrific healer because of this—it’s also extraordinarily draining. If you don't have some fail-safes in place to make sure that you stay energetically healthy, you can easily get overwhelmed and be unable to function. Worst case, you can get quite physically sick.

Let's not have that happen, okay? Here are a few survival techniques for Empaths, so you can stay healthy and do all that good you want to do: 

Stop watching the news.

While you are at it, stop reading the news, too. 

This isn't "putting your head in the sand," as one friend put it to me. For an Empath, it's survival. 

While I think watching the news is bad for everyone, non-Empaths have an easier time with it because they don't take on pain and suffering as their own. They won't dream about that image of a man shot in the street or cry for days about the suffering of animals. They'll watch it, cluck their tongues, shake their heads, and say, "Too bad; I guess the world is getting worse." Then, off they'll go about their day, using that news story as water cooler chat. They've taken it in mentally, but it never sinks into their very souls. 

For an Empath, it does. Every time you watch or read some horrible news story, you are emotionally attached to that experience. It isn't happening to someone else; it's happening to YOU. You take on the sadness, pain, and suffering and carry it with you as your own.

Every single time you do this, you are absorbing all of this like a sponge. The more you absorb, the more fearful, sad, and exhausted you become. 

So, please, for your wellbeing, stop watching the news. I haven't watched it in years, and somehow I am still aware of all the critical things happening in the world, and nothing bad has happened to me because I wasn't aware of the "breaking news story of the day."

Walk away from negative, energy-draining discussions.

There are people in my life that will see some sad or horrific story and slowly retell it to me, leaving out no emotional or scarring detail. I've begged these people not to tell me these kinds of things anymore, explaining how much they hurt me, but they don't stop. (My husband thinks they enjoy torturing me, but that's another blog post altogether.)

I've finally realized that if they don't respect my boundaries, then it's okay to get up and walk away, and that's what I do.

I suggest you do the same. People love to talk in great detail about the latest tragedies, ills of the world, or sad things they've seen. Some people enjoy having something terrible to talk about. Others simply enjoy horrifying people. And for some, I think it's therapeutic—a "misery loves company" kind of thing. Regardless of their reasons, hearing in grave detail about a dog-fighting ring or a terrible abuse case 6 states over isn't going to do you any favors. 

It's not rude to excuse yourself from these kinds of conversations; it's necessary for your wellbeing.

To that end, I'd suggest you put the next rule in place: 

Don't read or listen to anything you can’t do something about. 

If your friend comes to you talking about her husband abusing her, listen and help. If you are passionate about animal welfare and can devote a few hours to helping dogs get adopted from shelters, do it. If your mom has breast cancer and needs someone to talk to, be there. These are all things you can DO something about.

However, if someone forwards you a news article about a terrible murder halfway around the globe (or, really, any murder not involving someone you know directly), do not read it. Do not respond to it. Delete it. You can’t do anything for the murdered person, nor for his or her family. All you can do is feel bad and wish you could, leaving you both anxious and feeling guilty for not doing more for this terrible, sad world. (Trust me, I've been there.) It’s not productive for an Empath.

From now on, you only engage on things that have a direct impact on your life and with which you can do something fairly immediate to help. 

If you have a friend who always sends this kind of junk, ask them nicely to stop. If they don't, start sending their emails directly to the trash folder (you can set a rule in most mail programs to send mail from certain addresses to junk). If you miss something important from them and they ask you about it, explain that you couldn't take the content of their emails anymore and you have them going to trash, because they wouldn't stop sending them like you asked.

If they get mad at you for taking this step, then you know what kind of person you are dealing with. At that point, you may just want to end the relationship because they don't care about hurting you (and that's not a good relationship).

And, a related point:  

Stop reading the news feeds on Facebook, Google+, and maybe Twitter. 

I don't know what it is that compels people on social media sites to post horrible images with terrible stories attached, but they do it in spades. 

A friend of mine bases her entire writing career on blogging about the most insane, dramatic, unlikely-to-happen-to-anyone-but-her situations (actually, in truth, most of them are unlikely to have happened to her either). Her headlines shriek things like "I Was Mugged and Left for Dead!" (she wasn't) and “I Have the MOST HORRIBLE Thing Ever!" (she doesn’t). Every time I read one of her posts I would get agitated, first because I know that maybe 50% of it was true (and I hate liars), and second, because I’d be connecting with the fear and drama of the article. I was literally being pulled into her insanity, and it would affect me emotionally for the rest of the day. 

I finally realized that my wellbeing couldn't take reading her stuff anymore, so I hid her posts. 

I did the same to people who I didn't want to unfriend, but who posted things that were hateful, violent, or graphic. (Actually, now that I write this, maybe I should be unfriending these people!)

Realizing that I can't control all of it, I've actually stopped reading the news feeds on any of my social media. I have a select group of inspiring friends who I read, but otherwise, I just don't look. I know that this isn't totally "social," but the fact is I feel better and can do more for others when I take care of myself.

I'd suggest you do the same. 

Find some like-minded souls.

According to psychologists, only 1 out of 5 people are true Empaths. Because you are in the minority, it's important to seek out others that are like you. 

There are many places to meet other kind-hearted souls out there, but a great one is MeetUp.com. On there, you can search for groups by keywords (“spirituality” and “empathy” are two that come to mind), and you can join groups that look good to you. It's a great way to find local Empaths to hang out with. 

Online, you can search for groups on any social media site. Even if it's not in person, it's good to hear from others that have had similar experiences to your own. Moreover, it's always nice to be able to put an experience out there in a safe forum and have lots of people come back with "me, too!" It just lets you know you are NOT crazy. 

If you are interested, I'll be opening the "Empowered Empath Academy" soon, which will allow you to instantly have a wonderful support network of other Empaths, as well as learn all the tools that you need to be able to be empowered, not exhausted. If you'd like to be the first to know when it launches, sign up below. I'll look forward to connecting with you soon! 

Empaths: Here’s the REAL Lesson Jerks are Teaching You (And Your 5-Part Survival Plan)

In a conversation with a life coach acquaintance of mine, the topic turned to a guy she was working with on a project. He was rude. He was arrogant. He talked over her and took her ideas as his own. He was male chauvinist in a way I hadn’t seen in a while. He was, in no uncertain terms, a gigantic jerk. 

Upon pausing from describing his vile behavior, she said, “Ah, well. He’s a wonderful teacher.” 

I’d agree; there was a lesson here. However, we disagreed on the lesson itself. 

What she thought she was intended to learn—and what many, many Empaths/kind people have been taught to believe—is that difficult people are put in our lives so that we can learn things like patience, dealing with difficult people, and finding ways to love them despite their flaws. 

In theory, this sounds lovely. It’s love and kittens and puppies. It’s the belief that love and patience and peace will change a person. It’s utopia. 

Listen, I love my utopias (ask my husband—I wax poetic about some perfect vision of humanity at least once a weekend), but this kind of thinking leaves more beautiful, kind, empathic souls in terrible, abusive, and exhausting relationships than I can even count. 

In believing this, you are accepting that no matter what—no matter what harm is done to you, no matter how drained you are by this person, no matter how much of your time you give to a failing cause—you should stay in the relationship, apparently to earn a Master's degree in abuse. 

I dunno, but that just doesn’t sound like the best way to use your beautiful energy. 

Do you really need to accept abuse as a lesson in your life? Do you really need to learn to be some jerk’s doormat? Do you really need to run yourself into the ground, giving all your energy to saving ONE person, rather than being able to protect yourself and your energy in such a way that you can save hundreds (or more)? 

I say you don’t.

In my opinion, the real lesson jerks in your life are teaching you is how to put appropriate boundaries into your life, so YOU get to live the life that you deserve. If you’re an empathic person, doing so also means that you can use your intense caring and healing ways to actually make a difference in the world, not get depleted by some jerk.

If you are dealing with jerks in your life, your approach should be five-fold: 

1. Admit you’re dealing with a jerk.

This can be hard for an Empath, as you’ve likely been taught “you should think the best of people.” 

You should. However, sometimes the best someone has to offer is being a jerk. It’s okay to admit that’s the truth of the matter. In fact, it can be very freeing when you finally allow yourself to admit it.

You might be thinking, “But isn’t that thinking negatively? Isn’t that judging someone?” 

No. If it’s the truth, it’s the truth. You cannot go through life in denial that bad people exist in the world. If you do, you will be taken advantage of and drained of your energy extensively and repeatedly. 

Trust me; I know of what I speak. 

Your empathic nature is a gift, meant to heal the world. I don’t think that denial that leads to abuse is your best decision. 

The truth is that your energy will be depleted when you are with a negative person. It’s not a judgment call; it just is. By accepting who a person really is, you can then empower yourself as to how you choose to deal with them. 

2. If this person is incapable of change or is in ANY way abusive, get away from them. NOW. 

If you are dealing with someone who is emotionally, physically, or mentally abusive to you, or drains your energy to the point that you can hardly function, get out. If you are dealing with someone who is a tyrant and who makes you hate interacting with them, get out. 

I don’t care if it’s your mother, the first order of business is to detach from the relationship. While I absolutely believe you can change the energy of a relationship through energetically changing yourself, there are times when that energetic change is to simply get the hell away from the person. 

If you are dealing with any kind of abuse, please seek help immediately. Please scroll to the bottom of this article for resources. 

3. If they are constantly (and pointlessly) critical, block them from your circles, blog, and life. 

I’ve had a few people in my life that needed to be jerks all the time. When I’d talk about something good I was trying to do, they’d be the first to try to tear it down. When I posted an article I’ve been working ages on, they’d have to post a snarky or negative comment.  

I’m always astonished by these people; who has the time (or desire) to try to make a person’s day worse? If you don’t like what someone has to say and it’s not really hurting you, why take the time to be a jerk? 

Because they are jerks, that’s why. It’s taken me a long time to realize that this is some people’s pastime in life; they just relish putting people down. 

The dirty secret here (and bonus lesson for you) is they hate themselves. Because of that, they hate anyone trying to improve themselves or the world, because it makes the jerk feel bad about who they are. Of course, everyone has the exact same ability to get off their butts and do something with their lives, but they don’t want to actually WORK at anything. They’d rather just try to stop you in your tracks so they don’t have to face their own perceived shortcomings.  

So, they criticize others to make themselves feel better. It’s sad, but you also don’t have to take it. 

Block these people from your social media. Block them from your blog. And, while you are at it, block them from your life. 

Trying to make the world a better place with your empathic energy is hard enough work; you don’t need someone putting you down at every turn. 

4. Begin the practice of shielding yourself every morning. 

If I can pinpoint one thing that helps me more than anything else I do, it would have to be the practice of shielding. 

Shielding is a simple practice where you close your eyes and imagine a beautiful light flowing all around you, creating a force field that encompasses you. The light can be any color you like; I’d advise you to ask yourself what color light you need for the day. (Different frequencies—or colors—of light can negate different types of energy. Trust your inner wisdom to tell you what you need.) Imagine negative energy coming at you, and see it bounce off your force field easily. Imagine a strong, bright shield that is impervious to attack, but allows good to come to you.

That’s it. It’s a very simple practice with profound results. Even if you don’t believe it can help you, try it for a few days and see. 

If you’d like some help with this practice, I have a simple 9-minute Shield Exercise that you can listen to daily that will teach you precisely how to do this most effectively. 

5. If you are dealing with a pattern of jerks coming into your life, you’ve got underlying beliefs that are attracting them. 

This is a hard-fought lesson, let me tell you. For a very long time, I couldn’t figure out why in the world I was attracting the same kinds of energy-depleting, advantage-taking, emotionally-abusive relationships. I had jerks show up in the form of boyfriends, bosses, and friends, and the relationship always played out the exact same way: I’d be put on a pedestal for a while, then diminished, then find myself rushing around to make this jerk happy, then end up running myself into the ground trying to live up to this jerk’s unreasonable (and unearned) expectations. 

It sucked, if I am to be frank. 

Finally, I decided that I needed to figure out why I was choosing these kinds of people over and over again. After all, out of the millions of people in the world to have relationships with, how was I getting the same basic type? 

When I made the discovery behind The Flow Method, I finally had my answer: I was subconsciously and energetically programmed to seek the same kinds of people. Until I identified and retuned that underlying programming, I was going to keep reliving this crappy experience over and over. 

When I shifted the programming, everything changed. If you’d like to be able to identify your underlying programming simply—and have a specific action plan to shift that programming in 40 days, you can check out my book. 

If you are not ready yet, that's okay. What I really want you to take from this is that you are not responsible for (nor do you deserve) the abuse of a multitude of jerks in your life. 

Just know that as an Empath, you are a magnet for these kinds of soul-suckers unless you learn tools to shift that energy and keep them at bay. The good news is that putting a few of these things in practice will help you get right on your way! 

Want to know for sure if you are an Empath? Check out my Empath Test. 

Do you already know you are an Empath?

Would you like help in retuning your energy to stop attracting jerks and start attracting great things to your life?  Are you sick of being drained of your energy and would like to be empowered, not exhausted? Sign up below to be the first to find out when my Empowered Empath Academy opens! 

Are you in an abusive relationship?

Please seek help immediately—you CAN get out. You deserve to get out. 

Please note: Your computer or phone may be monitored by your abuser. Please be safe, perhaps using a friend's phone or computer to reach out for help. 

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 

http://www.thehotline.org

Phone: 1-800-799-7233

Love is Respect: (Terrific resource for those in an abusive dating relationship. Text help offered as well.) 

http://www.loveisrespect.org

Phone: 1-866-331-9474

Do you know a child who is being abused? Please don't just look the other way; report it;

Childhelp National:

http://www.childhelp.org/pages/hotline-home

Phone: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4533)