6 Things Non-Empaths Say that Drive Empaths CRAZY!

Because Empaths feel everything around them SO much more deeply than the average person, you can feel (and be) seriously misunderstood. Non-Empaths - both well-meaning and not-so-well-meaning - can say things that show that the basic traits and qualities of an Empath (traits we take for granted) are simply foreign to non-Empaths.

Here, I cover 6 things that non-Empaths say that drive Empaths crazy (and make us feel like we are from a different planet!). Do you have others? What have you heard from non-Empaths that have made you feel like you are totally misunderstood? Comment below!

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7 Signs that You are an Empath: Common Empath Traits and How They Manifest

It took me a long time to figure out that I'm an Empath. I'd like to save you some of the pain and exhaustion I went through! 

How do you know for sure you are an Empath? Here are 7 Empath traits:

Empath Trait #1: You feel pain and suffering deeply. 

I can't watch war movies. Or violent movies. Or the news. 

It's not that I'm in denial of the bad stuff that goes on in the world; far from it. The problem is that when I see this kind of stuff, I feel it in my body like it's happening to me. 

Afterwards, I feel sadness or pain about it for days on end. For instance, a few years ago, I saw a goose that had been seriously injured by a car. All the other geese were gathering around their fallen friend. Cars were still coming at all the geese. I stopped, went to the middle of the road, and began waving cars around the geese while calling wildlife rescue. I did everything I could for the geese, but the image of that poor injured goose and his loyal friends made me cry for days. 

That's the kind of "deep feeling of pain and suffering" I am talking about. Upon seeing or hearing about any kind of pain or suffering, you will be deeply affected by it, taking it on personally. People will tell you to "just let it go," but you can't. You might be called a "crybaby," "treehugger," or "overly emotional." I'm sure you've been made to feel bad about your sensitivity. 

If you've ever been around someone in pain and felt that pain yourself, you'll know what I am talking about. More than just human pain, you also are likely to be able to connect with the suffering of animals, plants, and nature itself.

Empath Trait #2: You are a natural healer. 

Does everyone look to you for help or advice? Do you tend to rush in to help take care of people when they’re sick? Do people say you “brighten their day” or they “need their fix of you?” 

That’s what I am talking about with being a “natural healer.” Whether you are in an official healing profession or not, people in pain (mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or physically) will seek you out, looking for you to help. And, whether you are conscious of it or not, you WILL help with your caring, concern, and energy. 

In addition, you may also seem to just have a sense for what someone needs to do to be able to heal. From knowing the best path for someone to take to understanding the connection between a recent stressor and a new sickness, this information might flow out of you (with or without your conscious thought). 

Empath Trait #3: You are a tuning fork for everything going on around you. 

Have you ever walked into a room and "felt" that people were angry, sad, or upset before anyone said a word? Or, have you been with someone that had a headache or pain in their body, and you develop the same, only to find it leaves you after you part ways? 

If so, it's a pretty strong bet you are an Empath. As an Empath, you are open to and capable of sensing, subtle (and not so subtle) shifts in people's emotional and energetic states. Because of this, you become like a tuning fork, vibrating at the same frequency as they are. 

If you are an aware Empath who has the skills to simply feel this and move it on, you're fine. 

If you are unaware this is happening, you end up feeling sick, angry, sad, happy, or whatever else is going on around you, making you wonder why you are suddenly feeling so much different than you did just moments before. Actually, it likely makes you wonder if you are crazy.

You're not crazy; you just have more finely tuned empathic sensors than the average person.

Empath Trait #4: You are more sensitive to your environment. 

I can't tell you the number of times I will say to my husband, "You don't hear that? It's driving me crazy."

It will be some little intermittent beep that is crystal clear to my high-sensing ears, but misses him completely. (As I write this, I just got up to figure out where a constant bumping sound was coming from that he didn’t hear at all. Ends up, it was our washing machine having gone out of balance; I was at the other end of the house from it with doors closed; THAT's what I am talking about - an Empath will hear things others just won't, even if the source of the noise is behind closed doors on the other side of the house.)

If you're an Empath, you'll experience the same. You'll notice when a room doesn't feel quite right. You'll hear the annoying buzz of a fly that no one else seems to hear. You'll sense the vibration of a giant air conditioner unit or smell a specific spice in a meal. 

Because of this, being on a plane can be one of the hardest things for an Empath, as you will not only feel every bump and jerk as if you've just gone over a mountain, but you will also be in an enclosed space with a lot of people and their varying emotional states. I find that many Empaths become fearful of flying without realizing that it's their hyper-sensitivity causing the fear, rather than any real danger. 

Empath Trait #5: You are charismatic (even if you don't think you are).

For most of my life, I couldn’t figure out why people seemed so drawn to me, especially when I didn’t think I was being or doing anything special. Everywhere I went, strangers would end up telling me their life stories like we’d known each other forever. Moreover, I had no idea why I attracted so many very needy people to myself, and then had a difficult time setting healthy boundaries or extracting myself from the relationship. 

Once I realized I was an Empath, I got it.

Because of the high-vibration of energy that Empaths naturally put out, you end up being like a flame to a moth; people are just naturally drawn to you because your energy and your caring ways make them feel better (many times they don’t know why they need to be around you so much, but that’s why - you recharge their batteries!). 

If this sounds like you, you will notice that people start up conversations with you in public places like coffeehouses, airports, or restaurants. You will notice that people seem to need to recharge by being around you; because of this, you may also notice that you have a preponderance of very needy people who become very demanding of your time and energy as well. 

Empath Trait #6: Hurting other people is unthinkable to you, even if it’s in self-defense. 

Do you ever feel like a wimp because you can’t seem to stand up for yourself, even when someone has said or done something cruel to you? Is it physically impossible for you to say something purposely hurtful to another human being, even if everyone says they deserve it?

If so, it’s very likely you are an Empath.

For years, I felt like there was something really wrong with me because I just simply could not say something purposely cruel to someone, no matter how awful they had been to me. What I realized is that there was nothing wrong with me, nor was I a wimp (my other common thought), but rather, because I could actually feel in my body how something would make another person feel, I just simply couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to make another person knowingly feel pain.

To be totally honest, this caused me a lot of trouble in my life; I definitely didn’t stand up for myself because I didn’t have the words to be able to do so in a way that I felt was positive. However, I now have those words and can set healthy boundaries, which is one of the key things I am teaching in the Empowered Empath Academy. 

Empath Trait #7: You need to get away from all stimulation sometimes. 

A few years ago, my in-laws had been in town for a week. Now, they are lovely people that I care about, but you just don’t get a lot of peace or privacy when they are there (my mother-in-law likes to follow me around, no matter what I am doing). They also like to marathon-watch the Weather Channel (I cannot imagine a more fear-based network - everything is an “IMPENDING DISASTER” “WORSE THAN EVER BEFORE” with “HORRIBLE CONSEQUENCES FOR ALL MANKIND”!! Ugh. Not all storms can be that bad, but I digress.). It's enough to drive an Empath to drink.

Finally, I just HAD to find some quiet, non-stimulating time. I went to the master bedroom closet (I was pretty sure she wouldn’t come in there), closed the door behind me, turned off the light, and laid face-first on the floor. 

Hey, an Empath’s gotta do what an Empath’s gotta do. 

Do you find yourself feeling the same need to retreat to some sort of safe, quiet space upon occasion? Do your nerves feel like they are all vibrating or like you have a static charge to your whole body? Are there times when you cannot have someone talk to you, touch you, or even be around you for a while? 

And after you come out of your quiet space, do you feel 100% better? 

If so, it’s a very good indication that you are an Empath. 

Do you recognize that you have many of these traits? Do you feel overwhelmed by your empathic nature sometimes? Sign up to join my upcoming Empath Institute, and go from being exhausted to being empowered to help yourself and the world with your gift. 

Still wondering if you are an Empath? Take the Empath test.

A Simple Survival Guide for Empaths: 5 Strategies to Put in Place Now (Your Wellbeing Depends on it)

As an Empath, you absorb more of the world's erratic emotions and dysfunctional energy than other people. While this can be useful—for instance, you are a terrific healer because of this—it’s also extraordinarily draining. If you don't have some fail-safes in place to make sure that you stay energetically healthy, you can easily get overwhelmed and be unable to function. Worst case, you can get quite physically sick.

Let's not have that happen, okay? Here are a few survival techniques for Empaths, so you can stay healthy and do all that good you want to do: 

Stop watching the news.

While you are at it, stop reading the news, too. 

This isn't "putting your head in the sand," as one friend put it to me. For an Empath, it's survival. 

While I think watching the news is bad for everyone, non-Empaths have an easier time with it because they don't take on pain and suffering as their own. They won't dream about that image of a man shot in the street or cry for days about the suffering of animals. They'll watch it, cluck their tongues, shake their heads, and say, "Too bad; I guess the world is getting worse." Then, off they'll go about their day, using that news story as water cooler chat. They've taken it in mentally, but it never sinks into their very souls. 

For an Empath, it does. Every time you watch or read some horrible news story, you are emotionally attached to that experience. It isn't happening to someone else; it's happening to YOU. You take on the sadness, pain, and suffering and carry it with you as your own.

Every single time you do this, you are absorbing all of this like a sponge. The more you absorb, the more fearful, sad, and exhausted you become. 

So, please, for your wellbeing, stop watching the news. I haven't watched it in years, and somehow I am still aware of all the critical things happening in the world, and nothing bad has happened to me because I wasn't aware of the "breaking news story of the day."

Walk away from negative, energy-draining discussions.

There are people in my life that will see some sad or horrific story and slowly retell it to me, leaving out no emotional or scarring detail. I've begged these people not to tell me these kinds of things anymore, explaining how much they hurt me, but they don't stop. (My husband thinks they enjoy torturing me, but that's another blog post altogether.)

I've finally realized that if they don't respect my boundaries, then it's okay to get up and walk away, and that's what I do.

I suggest you do the same. People love to talk in great detail about the latest tragedies, ills of the world, or sad things they've seen. Some people enjoy having something terrible to talk about. Others simply enjoy horrifying people. And for some, I think it's therapeutic—a "misery loves company" kind of thing. Regardless of their reasons, hearing in grave detail about a dog-fighting ring or a terrible abuse case 6 states over isn't going to do you any favors. 

It's not rude to excuse yourself from these kinds of conversations; it's necessary for your wellbeing.

To that end, I'd suggest you put the next rule in place: 

Don't read or listen to anything you can’t do something about. 

If your friend comes to you talking about her husband abusing her, listen and help. If you are passionate about animal welfare and can devote a few hours to helping dogs get adopted from shelters, do it. If your mom has breast cancer and needs someone to talk to, be there. These are all things you can DO something about.

However, if someone forwards you a news article about a terrible murder halfway around the globe (or, really, any murder not involving someone you know directly), do not read it. Do not respond to it. Delete it. You can’t do anything for the murdered person, nor for his or her family. All you can do is feel bad and wish you could, leaving you both anxious and feeling guilty for not doing more for this terrible, sad world. (Trust me, I've been there.) It’s not productive for an Empath.

From now on, you only engage on things that have a direct impact on your life and with which you can do something fairly immediate to help. 

If you have a friend who always sends this kind of junk, ask them nicely to stop. If they don't, start sending their emails directly to the trash folder (you can set a rule in most mail programs to send mail from certain addresses to junk). If you miss something important from them and they ask you about it, explain that you couldn't take the content of their emails anymore and you have them going to trash, because they wouldn't stop sending them like you asked.

If they get mad at you for taking this step, then you know what kind of person you are dealing with. At that point, you may just want to end the relationship because they don't care about hurting you (and that's not a good relationship).

And, a related point:  

Stop reading the news feeds on Facebook, Google+, and maybe Twitter. 

I don't know what it is that compels people on social media sites to post horrible images with terrible stories attached, but they do it in spades. 

A friend of mine bases her entire writing career on blogging about the most insane, dramatic, unlikely-to-happen-to-anyone-but-her situations (actually, in truth, most of them are unlikely to have happened to her either). Her headlines shriek things like "I Was Mugged and Left for Dead!" (she wasn't) and “I Have the MOST HORRIBLE Thing Ever!" (she doesn’t). Every time I read one of her posts I would get agitated, first because I know that maybe 50% of it was true (and I hate liars), and second, because I’d be connecting with the fear and drama of the article. I was literally being pulled into her insanity, and it would affect me emotionally for the rest of the day. 

I finally realized that my wellbeing couldn't take reading her stuff anymore, so I hid her posts. 

I did the same to people who I didn't want to unfriend, but who posted things that were hateful, violent, or graphic. (Actually, now that I write this, maybe I should be unfriending these people!)

Realizing that I can't control all of it, I've actually stopped reading the news feeds on any of my social media. I have a select group of inspiring friends who I read, but otherwise, I just don't look. I know that this isn't totally "social," but the fact is I feel better and can do more for others when I take care of myself.

I'd suggest you do the same. 

Find some like-minded souls.

According to psychologists, only 1 out of 5 people are true Empaths. Because you are in the minority, it's important to seek out others that are like you. 

There are many places to meet other kind-hearted souls out there, but a great one is MeetUp.com. On there, you can search for groups by keywords (“spirituality” and “empathy” are two that come to mind), and you can join groups that look good to you. It's a great way to find local Empaths to hang out with. 

Online, you can search for groups on any social media site. Even if it's not in person, it's good to hear from others that have had similar experiences to your own. Moreover, it's always nice to be able to put an experience out there in a safe forum and have lots of people come back with "me, too!" It just lets you know you are NOT crazy. 

If you are interested, I'll be opening the "Empowered Empath Academy" soon, which will allow you to instantly have a wonderful support network of other Empaths, as well as learn all the tools that you need to be able to be empowered, not exhausted. If you'd like to be the first to know when it launches, sign up below. I'll look forward to connecting with you soon! 

Why Drama Drains You—and How to Deal with the Drama-Makers in Your Life (and Maybe Even Come Out Empowered)

I hate drama. 

Hate it. 

I realize that’s a pretty strong statement, but it’s true. I don’t play games and never have. I don’t understand the sick pleasure someone gets from pulling some sort of power play on another human being. And I really don’t understand the need to make someone else feel worse in order for you to feel better. 

None of it’s fun to me in any way. In fact, I find it pointless and exhausting. 

However, in this day and age of Desperate-Housewives-of-God-Knows-What, drama is seen as the norm. Even more frustratingly, the drama is rarely about life-or-death situations or issues (they’re never brokering world peace, for instance); it’s usually about stupid, irrelevant things. I guess I'd like drama more if I felt it was a means to a positive ends, but it just isn't.

While some of us hate pointless drama, for some people creating (or engaging in) it is energizing; it seemingly charges their life force for another day. 

For others that are Empaths or a Highly Sensitive People (HSP) like me, drama is completely draining. Because we pick up on other’s emotional state as well as the effects that certain actions can have on others (such as causing pain or sadness), drama is incredibly painful. Worse, the more you are around a drama-maker, the more that your energy is tuned into their fear, sadness, and anger.

Is it any wonder that drama is depleting to you?

So, what’s a non-game-playing, drama-hater to do? Here are my tips for surviving in a drama-laden world: 

1. Avoid the drama-makers. 

Some people LOVE drama. Some people feel life is boring and they need to spice it up, so they stir things up to amuse themselves. Other people feel no power in life and therefore need to exert power in silly, over-dramatized ways. 

Whatever their reasons, drama people NEED to create drama as much as we all need to breathe. 

Obviously, the best course of action is to avoid these people. 

However, that’s easier said than done, especially when you are dealing with a friend, co-worker, boss, or family member. Your approach needs to be specific to the relationship.

If you are dealing with a friend who keeps causing drama, re-evaluate that friendship. If they are talking about others and causing bad feelings between people to you, then they are doing it behind your back, too. Is that a person you really want in your life? 

If you are dealing with a co-worker or boss, it’s definitely more complex. Find ways to decrease your interactions, if at all possible. If it gets too much—if you come home from work exhausted and sick day after day—you do need to look for other work. Your health and wellbeing depend on it.

If it’s a family member, again, your best course of action is to decrease your time and interactions with this person. I know it’s hard, but it is essential to your wellbeing to do so. We've been repeatedly taught that family is everything, which leads many people to put up with horrible behavior which they would never allow in any other relationship or aspect of their lives. Just because someone is related to you doesn't give them the right to be a negative or abusive force in your life. You do have the right to set healthy boundaries and decrease time with someone who constantly wears you out, regardless of their relationship to you.

And let drive this point home: Whatever your relationship, if you know someone in your life who is constantly playing games with others, talking negatively about others behind their backs, and demeaning others, best believe it’s being directed at you, too. Don’t just hope that they aren’t going to start this with you, or—especially in the case of a boss— that if you "just keep your head down" he or she won’t turn on you. Learn from what you are seeing; if they do it to others they ARE doing it to you, whether you are aware of it or not. It’s just a matter of time until you are the primary focus of their negative attention. Get away now.

2. Drama is inherently childish, but that’s the point. Treat a drama person as you would a child having a temper tantrum.

If you’ve ever dealt with someone in the midst of causing drama, then you’ve seen his or her 3-year-old self acting out.

In my experience, those that cause drama for amusement or attention have had some sort of stunting to their growth at a young age; they have a broken sense of self. Perhaps their parents didn’t pay attention to them, so they’d scream to get someone to notice. Maybe they were in a situation where they weren’t taught to use their words to express their emotions properly; they now only know how to use them to hurt. Maybe they are simply modeling what they saw the adults in their life do.

Whatever it is, causing drama and playing power games is inherently childish and attention-seeking. It's a kid's way of exerting power over their surroundings, rather than an adult's way of changing the outcome of experiences through positive actions.

That being the case, if you treat the drama-maker like you would a child having a temper tantrum, it’s often far more effective than getting pulled into their little game.

One tactic that works (both for kids and drama-loving adults) is to tell them that you are not going to engage with them until they regain control and can deal with you calmly. This both sets a firm boundary for how you are willing to be treated, but also shows the drama-maker that they have the control to change the outcome of the interaction, which can be empowering.

3. Try doing nothing. 

Drama people feed off your reaction to their actions. If you give them nothing, they get nothing. If they get nothing, there is no reward for them to be acting dramatic and they will have to find other tactics (maybe even mature ones!) to get what they want. 

I’ve learned a great deal about this through the adoption process, as I’ve had to learn about how to deal with older adopted kids who’ve had a rough start in life. One thing that is emphasized is not to get angry with an adopted child who is acting out in bad ways, because it’s very likely that the only attention they’ve known is negative attention. Sadly, your screaming at or punishing them actually can feel like love. When you react—even negatively—it teaches them that they can get “love” from you in that way, and the behavior accelerates.

It’s no different here. Many times people who cause drama are actually seeking ANY kind of attention, even negative attention.

Doing nothing can be especially challenging if you are an Empath or HSP, as your default reaction is to try to take away pain, to find solutions, to make things better—even if it hurts you in the process. And, like me, you may try to reason with a drama person to find a common solution that’s win-win.

Trust me on this: Reasoning with a drama person does not work. Unfortunately, drama people want the opposite things to happen and will fight to make sure they cause uproar until they get the reaction they want. And, like a 3 year old, they definitely do not want win-win—they want what they want when and how they want it. 

Just give no reaction at all. Go completely quiet and let them do whatever they are doing. Give nothing back.

4. Whatever you do, do NOT give in to their drama. 

Just as with kids, giving the drama-maker what they want after they cause drama only teaches them that they can get what they want by doing what they did. 

And, just as with kids, you can expect more of the same. 

If you are feeling especially pressured to give the drama-maker what they are seeking, you must get away from them. Hang up the phone, walk away, excuse yourself to the bathroom, do whatever you need to do to remove yourself from the situation. 

If you are empathic, your kind nature is going to WANT to give the person what they want because you can actually feel their sadness or need. You have to stand even tougher against it, because you can end up feeding the beast of their need more than any other person. If you do that, you can find yourself in a difficult, co-dependent relationship, and that’s even more challenging to remove yourself from. 

Don’t know quite what to say to stop the drama in its tracks? I’ve had great success with using something along these lines: 

“You know, I can see that you are looking to get something from this, but I am unwilling to deal with you until you calm down. Let me know when you are able to talk about this rationally. Until then, I’m not discussing it.” 

Then, stop discussing it. If the person tries to continue to drag you into the drama, get away. Don’t engage with them until they seem calm and rational.

If they never seem calm and rational, I think you’ve learned a good lesson: This isn’t someone you want in your life, nor is it someone you can count on. Go back to #1 and avoid them as much as possible.

Are you very sensitive to the feelings and emotions of others? Do you seem to draw needy people to you like a moth to a flame? It's very possible you are an Empath. Take my Empath Test now to find out! 

Then, check out my upcoming Empath Institute - I'm so excited to help wonderful people like you to become truly empowered to use your sensitivity in positive ways for the world AND for yourself!