How to Not Give Up When You Are Stuck

We’ve all been there: You are working and working at something––a business idea, a project, a fitness goal, adopting a child, whatever––and you hit a brick wall in your progress. Maybe someone shoots down your business idea. Perhaps you get writer’s block. Maybe you stop seeing progress in your weight loss goals. 

Right then and there, you consider giving up. 

Don’t. 

If it was important enough for you to start going after it, then it’s important enough for you to keep going after it. 

But, how do you keep on keepin’ on when progress halts or you hit a major bump? Here’s what works for me: 

1. Take a short break.

If you’ve been working away at something for a long time and you’ve ridden out more bumps in the road than I-16 in Georgia (they call it a road, but it’s really a 157 mile long rumble strip from Savannah to Macon), then there IS a point when walking away from it for a little bit is a good idea. 

How long? At least a day, and sometimes more. Trust yourself on this one.

If you are as driven as I am, I know it’s hard to let off the gas and take a break, but I am here to tell you that it’s the ONLY thing that has helped me keep my sanity and be refreshed enough for the next push to success. 

What kind of break should you take? I highly recommend doing something that you LOVE to do but haven’t had time to do lately because of all that launching-a-project stuff you’ve been up to. Take a spa day, go for a hike, head out to a movie, go for a long drive, have a fabulous dinner out, or whatever floats your boat. Just make sure that it has nothing to do with whatever you’ve been working on. 

The amazing thing is that every time I’ve done this, the perfect solution comes into my head effortlessly, leading me to the next steps I need to take in order to see the project to completion. 

2. Ask for help. 

I am the worst at asking for help. THE WORST. 

I don’t know if it’s because I’ve had a pattern of asking the wrong people for help, or because I kind of like doing everything myself (a la Wonder Woman), or because I’ve had people help and then use it as emotional blackmail, but it takes just about an act of God to force me to ask for help.  

Well, I should day, it did. 

Lately, I’ve been practicing asking for help - and believing that I will get the right help at the right time. 

You know what? It’s worked. I’m finally getting help that is moving my businesses in the right direction and giving me time to be me (instead of “business-owner-worrier-Tara” all the time).

The truth is that when you get stuck on any kind of project, sometimes you just need someone outside yourself to take a look at what you are doing and either give you advice or assistance. 

The key is to ask help of someone who truly wants for your best. 

Whoever you ask for help, they must meet at least one of these criteria (all 5 would be great!): 

1. They’ve been helpful in the past. This seems obvious, but don’t ask help of people that you’ve never been able to count on. Reach out to those that love you and have offered their assistance before. 
2. They have expertise in whatever area you are working on. For instance, don’t ask your unhealthy Aunt Jane for help with achieving your fitness goals; instead, seek out your kind, marathon-running friend.
3. They don’t have ulterior motives. Often, close friends and family feel threatened by your desire for success. Be honest about the true nature of those around you, and only ask for help from those you truly want you to succeed. This is easier said than done, but one simple test is to ask yourself if you’ve ever walked away from a particular person and felt bad about yourself or your dreams. If so, that person is a “no.” Seek those that make you feel good about yourself and the possibilities in your life.
4. Other people recommend them. Sometimes you need professional help. For instance, if you really need help prioritizing your life or seeing a troubled relationship from a third-party’s view, you might want to ask a few friends if they know of a great coach or therapist. If you are looking for a book editor, ask your author friends. You get the idea.
5. Your gut instinct tells you that this person will be helpful to you. The right person to help will always FEEL right. If you feel like anything is off with this individual or their motives for helping you, walk away. Your gut instinct is usually right on. (Mine has never failed me!)

3. Find stories of others who have succeeded.

This is where Google is exceptionally helpful. Start looking around online for others that have succeeded in your given area. 

If you are an entrepreneur, I love inc.com - it’s filled with stories of others like you that will keep you moving (and maybe even inspire solutions). 

If you are looking for fitness goals, there’s bodybuilder.com, which is filled with people’s stories of success. 

Whatever you are seeking to achieve, someone out there has walked a similar path and has gotten through the proverbial valley of darkness to get to the light. Find their stories and let them help energize you to get through your own dark night. 

4. Take any inspiration you’ve gleaned from all of this and put it into an action plan.

What solutions came to you on your short break? What inspirations? What lessons?

Write them all down. I personally like to put them all down on post-it notes, then arrange the post-its on a poster board until a logical action plan is laid out. 

However, you do it, put together an action plan for the next steps you can take within the next day, week, and month to move you forward again. 

While you are at it, print out and post some of the inspiring stories you’ve found on your board as well! Looking at them will help keep you moving. 

It’s amazing how inspiring taking well-thought-out next steps can be! 

How do you keep yourself moving past a stuck place? 

The 3 Most Common Negative Beliefs Holding You Back, and How to Create a Daily Shift to Develop Confidence and Be More Successful

By Tara Meyer-Robson, Author of The Flow: 40 Days to Total Life Transformation

“I will never get this sale.” Jon slumped forward a bit and sighed.

I looked at him and couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I had been conducting a sales training for a company, and Jon was in the audience. He asked terrific questions and seemed to be a positive thinker and a go-getter. At the end of the meeting, he asked to talk with me privately, as he had an important appointment that day and wanted some tips on how to prepare for it. Just from what I had seen of him during the meeting, I expected that he was going to be totally confident in his ability to sell this client. 

“Jon, did you hear what you just said?” I asked gently.

“What?” Jon looked perplexed for a moment. “Oh, yeah - that I won’t get this sale.” He smiled sheepishly as he realized the issue.

I laughed. “Um, didn’t you just sit through my entire presentation on changing the way you speak and think to change the outcome to what you desire?” 

We both laughed and then spent time working on shifting his mindset to prepare for success, however, this moment stuck with me. If someone who had just been totally engaged in learning everything I was teaching could, just moments later, fall right back into a negative pattern, then anyone could.

You see, the truth is that negative thinking is an incredibly invasive bad habit of which most of us are unaware, but causes incredible problems. After all, do you think that Jon would have sold that client if he went into the appointment with the attitude that he wouldn’t get the sale? It isn’t likely.

The same holds true for your life. Do you think you will be as confident and successful as you can be if negative thinking is a habit for you? Not likely here, either.

To help you to break the negative pattern and develop self-esteem and success, here are the three most common negative beliefs and ways to shift them now: 

 

Negative Belief #1: “I don’t deserve better.” 

For many of us, we simply feel that we don’t deserve better than our current situation, which is a definite problem. Why? Because this belief also keeps many of us stuck in situations where we are extremely unhappy, and that's no way to live.

There are many reasons why you might feel this way (which I will deal with in future articles), but for now, no matter who or what told you that you were not worthy of better, it isn’t true. No one deserves to be stuck in an unhappy, stressful life, no matter what anyone else thinks. 

To shift into believing that you are deserving of a happier existence, first define for yourself what that life would look like. What is in your life now that's negative? What would you get rid of? What positive people, experiences, or things would you like to be part of your new life?

Then, once you have this image as clear as you can, take a deep breath, put your shoulders back, stand up straight, and begin to say, “I deserve the best in life.” 

As you go through your day, notice if you fall back into an old pattern of believing that you aren’t worthy of the things or people you desire. If you do, simply take a deep breath and say, “I deserve my dreams, and all that is the best in life.” 

 

Negative Belief #2: “I am a failure.”

All too many of us feel like we are failures in one way or another. If this is how you feel, perhaps parents, coaches, teachers, or other people told you that you failed in one way or another. Maybe you tried to start a business and it didn’t work. Or, perhaps you tried diets, self-improvement courses, or success training and did not see the results you wanted. 

Whatever it is, carrying around a feeling of failure is not for your best. So, take this to heart:

You did the best that you could with the beliefs and thoughts that you had at the time. You are different now, and you can choose a different outcome at the present moment.

To begin to shift this negative belief, when you wake in the morning, look yourself in the eye in the mirror and tell yourself, “I am a success.” Before important meetings, repeat this statement several times. On your way home from work, make it a mantra that you say over and over. 

Allow this new belief to begin erasing any “failures” of your past. Remember, you cannot go back to the past and redo it, so the only hold it has on you is the one you allow it to have in the present moment. 

Let old stuff go. Replace it with a belief that you are successful and seek experiences that prove it so.

 

Negative Belief #3: “I am not important.”

This negative belief is incredibly prevalent in those that I work with. It’s a real problem, because it causes truly good people to continuously put themselves last; everyone and everything is more important than their needs and goals. Believing that with their whole hearts and souls, they work and work and never give themselves a break. They eat badly because they have no time to slow down. They routinely give to everyone around them, saying “yes” to everyone else’s needs but never fulfilling their own. 

One day, they wake up and realize that they are worn out, overweight, over-stressed, depressed, and have no more to give to anyone else. Then, they call me for help.

While I am more than happy to help you personally, I would love if you could take this lesson to heart before you need to call me for an intervention:

You have a right to take care of yourself, and you even have a right to put yourself first. 

Think about this: If you do not make yourself important to you, how will anyone else value you or your time? How will you have relationships that are true partnerships, rather than one person continuously taking and the other always giving? How will you ever feel fulfilled or get the time to achieve your dreams?

The answer is obvious: You won’t. 

This week, I'd like you to become aware of how often you put yourself last on the list. Do you notice that people around you put you down? Are there people in your life that do not respect you or your time? Who do you support that never supports you? 

As you become aware of this, begin to say to yourself, “I am important.” When you are about to skip lunch again to finish another project for your boss, say, “I am important,” and choose to take a few minutes for yourself. When you are about to take a bath and the phone rings, say “I am important to me,” and let it go to voicemail.

You get the idea. The more that you tell yourself that you are important, the more that you believe it. The more you believe it, the easier it will be to stand up for yourself and take care of yourself in any situation.

Want to be invited for a FREE webinar on Removing Negativity from Your Life (held in January)? 

Simply sign up to get your free meditation above, and I will send you an invite (as well as a free meditation!).

Tara's Questions for Introspection:

1. How hard is it for you to feel that you deserve the best in life? Can you think of times in your life where you were taught that you were unworthy?
2. Do you have failures in your past that are holding you back? Are you afraid of failing again? How might your life be different if you hadn’t had those experiences?
3. Do you feel unimportant? Is this a pattern that you learned from your parents or others? Is it hard for you to even imagine putting yourself first?