Why Drama Drains You—and How to Deal with the Drama-Makers in Your Life (and Maybe Even Come Out Empowered)

I hate drama. 

Hate it. 

I realize that’s a pretty strong statement, but it’s true. I don’t play games and never have. I don’t understand the sick pleasure someone gets from pulling some sort of power play on another human being. And I really don’t understand the need to make someone else feel worse in order for you to feel better. 

None of it’s fun to me in any way. In fact, I find it pointless and exhausting. 

However, in this day and age of Desperate-Housewives-of-God-Knows-What, drama is seen as the norm. Even more frustratingly, the drama is rarely about life-or-death situations or issues (they’re never brokering world peace, for instance); it’s usually about stupid, irrelevant things. I guess I'd like drama more if I felt it was a means to a positive ends, but it just isn't.

While some of us hate pointless drama, for some people creating (or engaging in) it is energizing; it seemingly charges their life force for another day. 

For others that are Empaths or a Highly Sensitive People (HSP) like me, drama is completely draining. Because we pick up on other’s emotional state as well as the effects that certain actions can have on others (such as causing pain or sadness), drama is incredibly painful. Worse, the more you are around a drama-maker, the more that your energy is tuned into their fear, sadness, and anger.

Is it any wonder that drama is depleting to you?

So, what’s a non-game-playing, drama-hater to do? Here are my tips for surviving in a drama-laden world: 

1. Avoid the drama-makers. 

Some people LOVE drama. Some people feel life is boring and they need to spice it up, so they stir things up to amuse themselves. Other people feel no power in life and therefore need to exert power in silly, over-dramatized ways. 

Whatever their reasons, drama people NEED to create drama as much as we all need to breathe. 

Obviously, the best course of action is to avoid these people. 

However, that’s easier said than done, especially when you are dealing with a friend, co-worker, boss, or family member. Your approach needs to be specific to the relationship.

If you are dealing with a friend who keeps causing drama, re-evaluate that friendship. If they are talking about others and causing bad feelings between people to you, then they are doing it behind your back, too. Is that a person you really want in your life? 

If you are dealing with a co-worker or boss, it’s definitely more complex. Find ways to decrease your interactions, if at all possible. If it gets too much—if you come home from work exhausted and sick day after day—you do need to look for other work. Your health and wellbeing depend on it.

If it’s a family member, again, your best course of action is to decrease your time and interactions with this person. I know it’s hard, but it is essential to your wellbeing to do so. We've been repeatedly taught that family is everything, which leads many people to put up with horrible behavior which they would never allow in any other relationship or aspect of their lives. Just because someone is related to you doesn't give them the right to be a negative or abusive force in your life. You do have the right to set healthy boundaries and decrease time with someone who constantly wears you out, regardless of their relationship to you.

And let drive this point home: Whatever your relationship, if you know someone in your life who is constantly playing games with others, talking negatively about others behind their backs, and demeaning others, best believe it’s being directed at you, too. Don’t just hope that they aren’t going to start this with you, or—especially in the case of a boss— that if you "just keep your head down" he or she won’t turn on you. Learn from what you are seeing; if they do it to others they ARE doing it to you, whether you are aware of it or not. It’s just a matter of time until you are the primary focus of their negative attention. Get away now.

2. Drama is inherently childish, but that’s the point. Treat a drama person as you would a child having a temper tantrum.

If you’ve ever dealt with someone in the midst of causing drama, then you’ve seen his or her 3-year-old self acting out.

In my experience, those that cause drama for amusement or attention have had some sort of stunting to their growth at a young age; they have a broken sense of self. Perhaps their parents didn’t pay attention to them, so they’d scream to get someone to notice. Maybe they were in a situation where they weren’t taught to use their words to express their emotions properly; they now only know how to use them to hurt. Maybe they are simply modeling what they saw the adults in their life do.

Whatever it is, causing drama and playing power games is inherently childish and attention-seeking. It's a kid's way of exerting power over their surroundings, rather than an adult's way of changing the outcome of experiences through positive actions.

That being the case, if you treat the drama-maker like you would a child having a temper tantrum, it’s often far more effective than getting pulled into their little game.

One tactic that works (both for kids and drama-loving adults) is to tell them that you are not going to engage with them until they regain control and can deal with you calmly. This both sets a firm boundary for how you are willing to be treated, but also shows the drama-maker that they have the control to change the outcome of the interaction, which can be empowering.

3. Try doing nothing. 

Drama people feed off your reaction to their actions. If you give them nothing, they get nothing. If they get nothing, there is no reward for them to be acting dramatic and they will have to find other tactics (maybe even mature ones!) to get what they want. 

I’ve learned a great deal about this through the adoption process, as I’ve had to learn about how to deal with older adopted kids who’ve had a rough start in life. One thing that is emphasized is not to get angry with an adopted child who is acting out in bad ways, because it’s very likely that the only attention they’ve known is negative attention. Sadly, your screaming at or punishing them actually can feel like love. When you react—even negatively—it teaches them that they can get “love” from you in that way, and the behavior accelerates.

It’s no different here. Many times people who cause drama are actually seeking ANY kind of attention, even negative attention.

Doing nothing can be especially challenging if you are an Empath or HSP, as your default reaction is to try to take away pain, to find solutions, to make things better—even if it hurts you in the process. And, like me, you may try to reason with a drama person to find a common solution that’s win-win.

Trust me on this: Reasoning with a drama person does not work. Unfortunately, drama people want the opposite things to happen and will fight to make sure they cause uproar until they get the reaction they want. And, like a 3 year old, they definitely do not want win-win—they want what they want when and how they want it. 

Just give no reaction at all. Go completely quiet and let them do whatever they are doing. Give nothing back.

4. Whatever you do, do NOT give in to their drama. 

Just as with kids, giving the drama-maker what they want after they cause drama only teaches them that they can get what they want by doing what they did. 

And, just as with kids, you can expect more of the same. 

If you are feeling especially pressured to give the drama-maker what they are seeking, you must get away from them. Hang up the phone, walk away, excuse yourself to the bathroom, do whatever you need to do to remove yourself from the situation. 

If you are empathic, your kind nature is going to WANT to give the person what they want because you can actually feel their sadness or need. You have to stand even tougher against it, because you can end up feeding the beast of their need more than any other person. If you do that, you can find yourself in a difficult, co-dependent relationship, and that’s even more challenging to remove yourself from. 

Don’t know quite what to say to stop the drama in its tracks? I’ve had great success with using something along these lines: 

“You know, I can see that you are looking to get something from this, but I am unwilling to deal with you until you calm down. Let me know when you are able to talk about this rationally. Until then, I’m not discussing it.” 

Then, stop discussing it. If the person tries to continue to drag you into the drama, get away. Don’t engage with them until they seem calm and rational.

If they never seem calm and rational, I think you’ve learned a good lesson: This isn’t someone you want in your life, nor is it someone you can count on. Go back to #1 and avoid them as much as possible.

Are you very sensitive to the feelings and emotions of others? Do you seem to draw needy people to you like a moth to a flame? It's very possible you are an Empath. Take my Empath Test now to find out! 

Then, check out my upcoming Empath Institute - I'm so excited to help wonderful people like you to become truly empowered to use your sensitivity in positive ways for the world AND for yourself! 

How to Not Give Up When You Are Stuck

We’ve all been there: You are working and working at something––a business idea, a project, a fitness goal, adopting a child, whatever––and you hit a brick wall in your progress. Maybe someone shoots down your business idea. Perhaps you get writer’s block. Maybe you stop seeing progress in your weight loss goals. 

Right then and there, you consider giving up. 

Don’t. 

If it was important enough for you to start going after it, then it’s important enough for you to keep going after it. 

But, how do you keep on keepin’ on when progress halts or you hit a major bump? Here’s what works for me: 

1. Take a short break.

If you’ve been working away at something for a long time and you’ve ridden out more bumps in the road than I-16 in Georgia (they call it a road, but it’s really a 157 mile long rumble strip from Savannah to Macon), then there IS a point when walking away from it for a little bit is a good idea. 

How long? At least a day, and sometimes more. Trust yourself on this one.

If you are as driven as I am, I know it’s hard to let off the gas and take a break, but I am here to tell you that it’s the ONLY thing that has helped me keep my sanity and be refreshed enough for the next push to success. 

What kind of break should you take? I highly recommend doing something that you LOVE to do but haven’t had time to do lately because of all that launching-a-project stuff you’ve been up to. Take a spa day, go for a hike, head out to a movie, go for a long drive, have a fabulous dinner out, or whatever floats your boat. Just make sure that it has nothing to do with whatever you’ve been working on. 

The amazing thing is that every time I’ve done this, the perfect solution comes into my head effortlessly, leading me to the next steps I need to take in order to see the project to completion. 

2. Ask for help. 

I am the worst at asking for help. THE WORST. 

I don’t know if it’s because I’ve had a pattern of asking the wrong people for help, or because I kind of like doing everything myself (a la Wonder Woman), or because I’ve had people help and then use it as emotional blackmail, but it takes just about an act of God to force me to ask for help.  

Well, I should day, it did. 

Lately, I’ve been practicing asking for help - and believing that I will get the right help at the right time. 

You know what? It’s worked. I’m finally getting help that is moving my businesses in the right direction and giving me time to be me (instead of “business-owner-worrier-Tara” all the time).

The truth is that when you get stuck on any kind of project, sometimes you just need someone outside yourself to take a look at what you are doing and either give you advice or assistance. 

The key is to ask help of someone who truly wants for your best. 

Whoever you ask for help, they must meet at least one of these criteria (all 5 would be great!): 

1. They’ve been helpful in the past. This seems obvious, but don’t ask help of people that you’ve never been able to count on. Reach out to those that love you and have offered their assistance before. 
2. They have expertise in whatever area you are working on. For instance, don’t ask your unhealthy Aunt Jane for help with achieving your fitness goals; instead, seek out your kind, marathon-running friend.
3. They don’t have ulterior motives. Often, close friends and family feel threatened by your desire for success. Be honest about the true nature of those around you, and only ask for help from those you truly want you to succeed. This is easier said than done, but one simple test is to ask yourself if you’ve ever walked away from a particular person and felt bad about yourself or your dreams. If so, that person is a “no.” Seek those that make you feel good about yourself and the possibilities in your life.
4. Other people recommend them. Sometimes you need professional help. For instance, if you really need help prioritizing your life or seeing a troubled relationship from a third-party’s view, you might want to ask a few friends if they know of a great coach or therapist. If you are looking for a book editor, ask your author friends. You get the idea.
5. Your gut instinct tells you that this person will be helpful to you. The right person to help will always FEEL right. If you feel like anything is off with this individual or their motives for helping you, walk away. Your gut instinct is usually right on. (Mine has never failed me!)

3. Find stories of others who have succeeded.

This is where Google is exceptionally helpful. Start looking around online for others that have succeeded in your given area. 

If you are an entrepreneur, I love inc.com - it’s filled with stories of others like you that will keep you moving (and maybe even inspire solutions). 

If you are looking for fitness goals, there’s bodybuilder.com, which is filled with people’s stories of success. 

Whatever you are seeking to achieve, someone out there has walked a similar path and has gotten through the proverbial valley of darkness to get to the light. Find their stories and let them help energize you to get through your own dark night. 

4. Take any inspiration you’ve gleaned from all of this and put it into an action plan.

What solutions came to you on your short break? What inspirations? What lessons?

Write them all down. I personally like to put them all down on post-it notes, then arrange the post-its on a poster board until a logical action plan is laid out. 

However, you do it, put together an action plan for the next steps you can take within the next day, week, and month to move you forward again. 

While you are at it, print out and post some of the inspiring stories you’ve found on your board as well! Looking at them will help keep you moving. 

It’s amazing how inspiring taking well-thought-out next steps can be! 

How do you keep yourself moving past a stuck place? 

Empaths: Here’s the REAL Lesson Jerks are Teaching You (And Your 5-Part Survival Plan)

In a conversation with a life coach acquaintance of mine, the topic turned to a guy she was working with on a project. He was rude. He was arrogant. He talked over her and took her ideas as his own. He was male chauvinist in a way I hadn’t seen in a while. He was, in no uncertain terms, a gigantic jerk. 

Upon pausing from describing his vile behavior, she said, “Ah, well. He’s a wonderful teacher.” 

I’d agree; there was a lesson here. However, we disagreed on the lesson itself. 

What she thought she was intended to learn—and what many, many Empaths/kind people have been taught to believe—is that difficult people are put in our lives so that we can learn things like patience, dealing with difficult people, and finding ways to love them despite their flaws. 

In theory, this sounds lovely. It’s love and kittens and puppies. It’s the belief that love and patience and peace will change a person. It’s utopia. 

Listen, I love my utopias (ask my husband—I wax poetic about some perfect vision of humanity at least once a weekend), but this kind of thinking leaves more beautiful, kind, empathic souls in terrible, abusive, and exhausting relationships than I can even count. 

In believing this, you are accepting that no matter what—no matter what harm is done to you, no matter how drained you are by this person, no matter how much of your time you give to a failing cause—you should stay in the relationship, apparently to earn a Master's degree in abuse. 

I dunno, but that just doesn’t sound like the best way to use your beautiful energy. 

Do you really need to accept abuse as a lesson in your life? Do you really need to learn to be some jerk’s doormat? Do you really need to run yourself into the ground, giving all your energy to saving ONE person, rather than being able to protect yourself and your energy in such a way that you can save hundreds (or more)? 

I say you don’t.

In my opinion, the real lesson jerks in your life are teaching you is how to put appropriate boundaries into your life, so YOU get to live the life that you deserve. If you’re an empathic person, doing so also means that you can use your intense caring and healing ways to actually make a difference in the world, not get depleted by some jerk.

If you are dealing with jerks in your life, your approach should be five-fold: 

1. Admit you’re dealing with a jerk.

This can be hard for an Empath, as you’ve likely been taught “you should think the best of people.” 

You should. However, sometimes the best someone has to offer is being a jerk. It’s okay to admit that’s the truth of the matter. In fact, it can be very freeing when you finally allow yourself to admit it.

You might be thinking, “But isn’t that thinking negatively? Isn’t that judging someone?” 

No. If it’s the truth, it’s the truth. You cannot go through life in denial that bad people exist in the world. If you do, you will be taken advantage of and drained of your energy extensively and repeatedly. 

Trust me; I know of what I speak. 

Your empathic nature is a gift, meant to heal the world. I don’t think that denial that leads to abuse is your best decision. 

The truth is that your energy will be depleted when you are with a negative person. It’s not a judgment call; it just is. By accepting who a person really is, you can then empower yourself as to how you choose to deal with them. 

2. If this person is incapable of change or is in ANY way abusive, get away from them. NOW. 

If you are dealing with someone who is emotionally, physically, or mentally abusive to you, or drains your energy to the point that you can hardly function, get out. If you are dealing with someone who is a tyrant and who makes you hate interacting with them, get out. 

I don’t care if it’s your mother, the first order of business is to detach from the relationship. While I absolutely believe you can change the energy of a relationship through energetically changing yourself, there are times when that energetic change is to simply get the hell away from the person. 

If you are dealing with any kind of abuse, please seek help immediately. Please scroll to the bottom of this article for resources. 

3. If they are constantly (and pointlessly) critical, block them from your circles, blog, and life. 

I’ve had a few people in my life that needed to be jerks all the time. When I’d talk about something good I was trying to do, they’d be the first to try to tear it down. When I posted an article I’ve been working ages on, they’d have to post a snarky or negative comment.  

I’m always astonished by these people; who has the time (or desire) to try to make a person’s day worse? If you don’t like what someone has to say and it’s not really hurting you, why take the time to be a jerk? 

Because they are jerks, that’s why. It’s taken me a long time to realize that this is some people’s pastime in life; they just relish putting people down. 

The dirty secret here (and bonus lesson for you) is they hate themselves. Because of that, they hate anyone trying to improve themselves or the world, because it makes the jerk feel bad about who they are. Of course, everyone has the exact same ability to get off their butts and do something with their lives, but they don’t want to actually WORK at anything. They’d rather just try to stop you in your tracks so they don’t have to face their own perceived shortcomings.  

So, they criticize others to make themselves feel better. It’s sad, but you also don’t have to take it. 

Block these people from your social media. Block them from your blog. And, while you are at it, block them from your life. 

Trying to make the world a better place with your empathic energy is hard enough work; you don’t need someone putting you down at every turn. 

4. Begin the practice of shielding yourself every morning. 

If I can pinpoint one thing that helps me more than anything else I do, it would have to be the practice of shielding. 

Shielding is a simple practice where you close your eyes and imagine a beautiful light flowing all around you, creating a force field that encompasses you. The light can be any color you like; I’d advise you to ask yourself what color light you need for the day. (Different frequencies—or colors—of light can negate different types of energy. Trust your inner wisdom to tell you what you need.) Imagine negative energy coming at you, and see it bounce off your force field easily. Imagine a strong, bright shield that is impervious to attack, but allows good to come to you.

That’s it. It’s a very simple practice with profound results. Even if you don’t believe it can help you, try it for a few days and see. 

If you’d like some help with this practice, I have a simple 9-minute Shield Exercise that you can listen to daily that will teach you precisely how to do this most effectively. 

5. If you are dealing with a pattern of jerks coming into your life, you’ve got underlying beliefs that are attracting them. 

This is a hard-fought lesson, let me tell you. For a very long time, I couldn’t figure out why in the world I was attracting the same kinds of energy-depleting, advantage-taking, emotionally-abusive relationships. I had jerks show up in the form of boyfriends, bosses, and friends, and the relationship always played out the exact same way: I’d be put on a pedestal for a while, then diminished, then find myself rushing around to make this jerk happy, then end up running myself into the ground trying to live up to this jerk’s unreasonable (and unearned) expectations. 

It sucked, if I am to be frank. 

Finally, I decided that I needed to figure out why I was choosing these kinds of people over and over again. After all, out of the millions of people in the world to have relationships with, how was I getting the same basic type? 

When I made the discovery behind The Flow Method, I finally had my answer: I was subconsciously and energetically programmed to seek the same kinds of people. Until I identified and retuned that underlying programming, I was going to keep reliving this crappy experience over and over. 

When I shifted the programming, everything changed. If you’d like to be able to identify your underlying programming simply—and have a specific action plan to shift that programming in 40 days, you can check out my book. 

If you are not ready yet, that's okay. What I really want you to take from this is that you are not responsible for (nor do you deserve) the abuse of a multitude of jerks in your life. 

Just know that as an Empath, you are a magnet for these kinds of soul-suckers unless you learn tools to shift that energy and keep them at bay. The good news is that putting a few of these things in practice will help you get right on your way! 

Want to know for sure if you are an Empath? Check out my Empath Test. 

Do you already know you are an Empath?

Would you like help in retuning your energy to stop attracting jerks and start attracting great things to your life?  Are you sick of being drained of your energy and would like to be empowered, not exhausted? Sign up below to be the first to find out when my Empowered Empath Academy opens! 

Are you in an abusive relationship?

Please seek help immediately—you CAN get out. You deserve to get out. 

Please note: Your computer or phone may be monitored by your abuser. Please be safe, perhaps using a friend's phone or computer to reach out for help. 

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 

http://www.thehotline.org

Phone: 1-800-799-7233

Love is Respect: (Terrific resource for those in an abusive dating relationship. Text help offered as well.) 

http://www.loveisrespect.org

Phone: 1-866-331-9474

Do you know a child who is being abused? Please don't just look the other way; report it;

Childhelp National:

http://www.childhelp.org/pages/hotline-home

Phone: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4533)

How to Stop Auto-Helping: 4 Steps to Deciding Whether You Should Get Involved

Are you a compulsive helper, or, as I call it, an "auto-helper?" 

If you instinctively help regardless if you have the time, money, or inclination to do so and end up running the to rescue for every sob story or cause which crosses your path, then you are.

Because you help automatically, you can end up getting in way over your head with the amount of assistance or money which is requested. When this happens, you'll either push yourself to the point you are financially or physically broke, or you’ll develop resentment over all you’re doing with no one assisting you. 

Obviously, neither is an option which is going to allow you to continue to do the good you wish to do in the world. 

I've had to (painfully) learn this lesson, and I can tell you that it's better to go through the pain of having to say no immediately than to be driven into the ground and then be forced to say no to everything because you are beyond exhausted (or quite sick) and need time to recover. 

To avoid getting to this place again, I've put in place a 4-Step “Yes or No” Evaluation Method for whether or not I should get involved in a particular situation: 

Step 1: Evaluate the person or cause for what it is, not what you believe it to be. 

Believing in the inherent good of people and the power of second chances also means I've been blinded to a person's real intent in asking for assistance. I've also helped the same person multiple times, even though I had been burned by them before. And, I've given weeks (or years) of time to various causes, jeopardizing my own ability to make an income by putting their needs before my business’s needs. 

No more. Now, when someone asks for help, I first evaluate the person or situation in black and white terms (not with rose-colored glasses). I ask these questions: 

1. Is this a specific situation which they need some assistance to get through? 

2. Or, are they the kind of person who always wants (and gets) help, but never does anything with it? 

3. Have I been burned before, jumping in and saving the day for this individual or cause without any assistance from them? 

4. If this is a cause, is it one I feel passionately about? Am I already committed to helping another cause? (I suggest choosing one—and only one—cause to help at a time.)

5. Is it a legit emergency? (See #4 for determining an actual emergency, because not all emergencies are really emergencies.)

In practice, it looks like this:

If this is a person who always asks for extraordinary help and does nothing with it, I pass. If it’s a situation where I’ve been burned before, I pass. If I’m not passionate about it or already helping another cause, I pass. 

If it’s a person who just needs a little assistance to get through and will work to help themselves, I help. If it’s a cause I am passionate about and I am not already committed to something else, I help. If it is a legit emergency (see #4 on how I determine an actual emergency), I help. 

Step 2: Evaluate how much time, money, and effort you are able to put in. 

If this is a person or cause you determine you can help, set careful boundaries on the kind and amount of help you can offer. 

First, set expectations. Simply say, “You know, I think I can help, but I need to look at my schedule to see what I can do.” 

Then, sit down and figure out how much time you are willing or able to spend. Is two hours a week? An hour? Or, do you realistically not have time to give without affecting your wellbeing or income? 

If you don’t have time, say no.

If you think you do have some time (or money), cut whatever amount that is in half, especially if you are an Empath (and you likely are, if you are an auto-helper). Being an Empath means you think you can do more than you realistically can; cutting in half ensures you’re more realistic about what you can do).

Communicate that amount to the person you are helping. Be very clear, and do not be dissuaded. If they try to ask for more, just keep saying, “I’ve carefully evaluated what I can do, and this is as much as I can offer. I hope that is appreciated.” 

If—as so often happens—demands for time or money begin to creep upward, immediately set the boundary once again. A good thing to say is, “You know, I was looking at my schedule and realize I am really burning candles at both ends. I have to cut back the time/money I am offering across the board, so I need to go back to only doing ________ (insert whatever your original amount was).” (Or less, if you have figured out this is not a good situation for you. It’s okay to say “no,” even after you’ve said “yes.”) 

Step 3: Set careful limits on what is required for your continued help. 

Have you ever noticed that, upon receiving your help, some people begin to expect help, suddenly becoming seemingly incapable of helping themselves? Or how they start dumping everything on you, making no effort to help themselves? 

This is what I am talking about. If you are an auto-helper trying to break this destructive habit, it’s incredibly important you continuously evaluate whether the situation is one you want to keep being involved with. If you don’t, you can get pulled into doing more...and more....and more....and more. Without constant reevaluation, it is all too easy to fall into this potential black hole without being aware it's happening—until it’s too late.  

Step 4: If it's a true emergency or a critical situation, get involved (with a caveat)

Make sure the situation is actually critical or an emergency. Since some people will make you feel everything is an emergency, let’s take a look at what an ACTUAL emergency is. Which of these would you label an emergency?

1. Witnessing a car accident happen in front of you. 

2. Friend wanting you to drop everything to listen to the latest drama in their family.

3. Mom’s best friend dies.

4. Mom having a bad day.

5. Someone you care about has a heart attack.

6. Someone you care about who rarely takes responsibility for themselves asks you to pay their car payment or rent.

7. Friend needs a ride to the hospital for stitches.

8. Friend wants free business help for the business he started.

9. Friend wants help setting up the house for a cocktail party. 

If you said 1, 5, and 7 were emergencies, I’d say you were right. Number 3 might be an emergency, depending on the situation. The rest of them are non-emergencies and need to be treated as such, using the evaluation method above and the questions below. 

So, the next time someone asks for your help and presents it as critical, take a breath and ask yourself if it’s REALLY an emergency. To decide, ask yourself these 3 questions:

1. Is this life-or-death? If yes, it’s an emergency. 

2. Is there truly no one else (including the individual involved) who can help here? 

3. Would this person be in this situation if they simply planned better (this is often the case with last-minute requests for help with a work or social situation)?

4. Can this person solve their own problem? If this person could work a bit harder, get a second job, sell something on eBay, hire someone, or jump in there and make the effort to dig themselves out of the situation, then it is not an emergency and you should not drop everything. In fact, you should be going back and deciding if you even should help at all. 

Believe me, I get how difficult breaking this habit can be. I have struggled with it for most of my life, and I still struggle with it today. However, putting these rules into practice has helped me help myself, which allows me to keep helping those who really need and deserve it. 

I hope I’ve given you some good sentences and phrases to use to be able to hold to your limits and say “no” - I find that one of the common things with compulsive helpers is that we don’t know HOW to say what we need to say, and we become overwhelmed with fear or the feelings of the other’s need, and then we give in. Using these words and phrases - and practicing them so you are ready - can give you a tool in all situations.

You have many ways you help people each day, too—it’s important that YOU have the energy to keep doing the good you do in the world as well!

Want to find out if you are a true Empath (if you are a serious auto-helper or people pleaser, it's highly likely you are!)? Take my free Empath Test and find out now!