How to Feel Safe: Dealing With Anxiety by Creating Your Own Security and Peace of Mind

Perhaps the greatest stress you will ever face is the impression that you can't protect yourself from life itself.

I have certainly had moments like this. A few years ago my husband and I went through two hurricanes, completing renovations on our house, putting it on the market, a cross-country move, and the death of my beloved grandmother all in a four week period (actually, all but one hurricane happened in one week). I have never been so stressed out in my life, and I began to notice that I was constantly looking over my shoulder, waiting for the next disaster to happen. 

To top it off, I found I had gained about ten pounds in a week, although, due to stress, I hadn’t eaten a thing in days.

I felt exposed and unable to protect myself, and this frequency began to create the physical reactions that I was having. My fight or flight response was so overstimulated that my adrenal glands burned out. My mind was saturated with the idea that life was unsafe, so I manifested padding all over my body - and primarily my stomach, which is the seat of the sense of self - to at least soften the energetic blows.

If you carry excess weight in your mid-section, ask yourself why you feel unsafe. Very often, you will feel the answer in your gut immediately. Perhaps you have been hurt by someone close to you, and you are afraid of being hurt again. Maybe you are afraid of being rejected for who you are. Or, perhaps you are at a point of chaos in your life, and you feel that the blows will never stop. Any threat against your physical, emotional, or spiritual self can trigger an imbalance in the core of your body.

While you may feel that you cannot protect yourself, this is never true. As the co-creator of your life, you have the ability to create your own security and your own safe space, even in threatening situations. After all, the more that you identify a particular situation (or all of life) with the expectation, “I am not safe,” the more that you will trigger a fight or flight response in your body. 

To feel safer, bring awareness to your breath.

When you find yourself feeling that you are being threatened in any way, bring your awareness to your breath. Focus in on it; you will likely notice that you are either holding your breath or it is speeding up, which continues to send a signal of fear to your body.

Instead, consciously slow down your breathing. Breathe in to the count of 5; breathe out to the count of 7. When you breathe in, make sure you are filling your lungs completely; it should feel that not another bit of air could go in there. When you breathe out, you should feel like you are doing so as slowly as you possibly could, and, at the end, that you have emptied your lungs completely. By doing this, you communicate to your mind that you are calm—and your body calms down.

Then, in this calm state, repeat to yourself the new expectation, “I create my own security. I am safe. I am protected.” If you would like to, you can place your hand over your stomach as you do this. By physically touching your skin, you are making a real connection between your mental and physical state, which strengthens your physical belief that you are now in charge of your emotional state. 

The more you practice this, the more you create new neural programming that you really are safe and that you are able to protect yourself. You will begin to feel better and react to life from a more powerful state. Even better, this practice also sends out an important message to life itself that you are empowering yourself to choose better, safer, and happier experiences for you.

Remember, you DO have the power to change your anxious, scared reactions, and by so doing, to become more secure and safe in every way. 

Tara’s Questions for Positive Change:

1. Can you remember when you began feeling anxious? Was it during a particularly stressful time, or was it due to a traumatic event? 
2. In what situations do you feel most unsafe or anxious? When you are in those situation (or just before), remember to use the calming breath above. Then, in a calm state, repeat to yourself, “I am safe. I create my own security.” If you get anxious during the event, remember to go back to the calm breath. Again, putting your hand over your stomach helps to ground your mind and your body and makes an important connection for retuning your reaction in these situations. 

A BLIND Pole Vaulter? Incredible Inspiration for Living Fearlessly

I'm always amazed by the indomitable nature of the human spirit, but today's story is perhaps more shocking than most. 

Perusing the web looking for inspirational stories, I ended up coming across a headline: Blind Pole Vaulter Flies Fearlessly.  Curious as to how anyone could possibly DO such a thing, I clicked to read about how Charlotte Brown, 16 years old and legally blind, is competing at a high level in the sport. More importantly, what I also discovered is a treasure trove for how to live fearlessly AND parent kids who believe in their potential, not their obstacles. 

Here are 3 takeaways from this remarkable girl's story: 

 

1. Don't focus on "disabilities," focus on the whole person. 

I love that Charlotte's parents, Ian and Stori Brown, never told her brothers to be careful with her, or she was weak, or that her eyesight was failing. Because of this, they treated her like any big brothers would - playing with her like normal kids do, even sending her down the stairs in a laundry basket. 

So, when someone told one of her brothers that his sister had a "disability," he had no idea what they were talking about. I love her mom's explanation of why: 

"We never used that description. It was just kind of a nonfactor, and it was not what defined her. She was a bright, sweet little girl, and this was one little detail but not the first adjective that described her." 

Whether or not you or someone you know has a "recognized" disability, we all have something that feels like an obstacle to overcome. Rather than defining yourself as weak in one area or another - and thus reinforcing that weakness - isn't it better to focus on who you are as a WHOLE person? What if Charlotte had defined herself as "disabled" and held to that label? She would certainly not be where she is today. 

By changing your focus from your "disability" to your unique possibilities, you honor the best parts of you, allowing you to go on to achieve your own special greatness. 

 

2. Complaining and feeling sorry for yourself takes away from your ability to succeed. 

It's just a fact: Being around people who complain and whine is exhausting. Actually, being a whiner and complainer yourself depletes your own energy and focuses your mind on problems, not solutions. Flat out, it hinders your ability to succeed and find joy.

A "No Complaining" life seems like a great way to live with purpose and potential. Ian Brown says it best: "We have a whine- and complain-free household. We don't view it as there being any other option. Complaining and whining are a complete waste of time. We all go through obstacles at work, school, home."

What if you enacted this rule in your own life? In your own home? In your own workplace? What could you achieve? More importantly, how much happier and more grateful would you be? 

My suggestion is to do this immediately. Try a "No Complaining" day, and see how it goes. Then add another. And another. Then come back here and tell me how much more awesome you feel - and how much more awesome your life is. 

 

3. Focus on the your unique ability to find solutions to even "insurmountable" obstacles.

In middle school and already with seriously limited eyesight, Charlotte came to her parents and told them that she wanted to try the pole vault. Sure, they were concerned (what sensible parent wouldn't be?), but they quickly allowed it, only asking, "Have you thought about how?"

Charlotte's answer? "Oh, yeah - I'm already counting steps." 

I love that she immediately focused on the solution, not the problem. In doing so, she is now doing something that most fully-sighted people cannot. 

This attitude allows her to keep finding solutions to new problems. For instance, her eyesight has deteriorated even further in the last year, so she cannot see the box where she plants her pole, the bar, or even where she is supposed to land. I'm guessing these obstacles might stop most of us from continuing with this sport. 

Not Charlotte. Her reaction: "As soon as I noticed my vision decreasing at the end of my sophomore year, I thought, 'What's next? What's going to make it a little easier?' It's like when I started thinking about getting a guide dog and using Braille, I wasn't looking at it because I was losing my vision. It was just a matter of, 'This doesn't work, so let's figure out what else we can do.'" 

How many times do we allow (often much more minor) obstacles to stop us in the pursuit of our dreams? I know I've certainly done it. 

Today, take a look at all those things that are "holding you back." Instead of seeing the obstacles, how can you figure out what else you can do to succeed? Allow your mind to connect with ideas and solutions, and be unafraid to try them. 

In fact, here's a challenge for today: Dust off a dream and focus on ONE thing you can do to move in the direction of achieving it. Don't focus on what hasn't worked; focus only on the next step you can take to head in that direction. Then, DO IT. Immediately. 

I'm guessing you will shock yourself at your ability to succeed when you take focused action based on new solutions. 

When you've done this, please come back and tell me about it! 

And, if you know of someone who would benefit from hearing Charlotte's story, please share! 

To read ESPN's excellent article about Charlotte Brown, click here. 

Living Fearlessly in 2014: My First Ride-Along During an (Actual) Car Race

On January 11th, I climbed in a 2014 Corvette Stingray, strapped on a helmet, and rode along with a professional race car driver during an actual car race. How did this come about? And why did I do it? Well, it’s a bit of a story.

For 2014, instead of setting New Year’s Resolutions (which I despise), I decided to pick a word of the year, with the intention that I would focus on making all decisions in alignment with that word for the entire year.

My word? 

“Fearless.” 

Needless to say, when the chance to go car racing came along, the decision was kind of made for me.

This opportunity came from our neighbor and friend, Rick Fergusson, who is a race car driver and instructor. He’s been racing for about 30 years, and has entertained my husband and I on many occasions with his (totally crazy) racing escapades. Since story after story involves rather amazing crashes, you’d think it would put us off the whole idea. 

It didn’t. The truth is, I couldn’t wait to go. 

I’ve always loved cars. I was a bit of a tomboy as a kid, and although I happily wore dresses and cute little sandals, I liked playing with my male friend’s Hot Wheels way more than I ever did a Barbie doll. As I got older, my dad would tell us stories about his favorite cars growing up and how he drag raced in his ’57 Chevy, and I developed an eye for beautiful design and a love for speed. 

This was only increased when my best friend in high school took me to an Indy Car race at the Mid-Ohio Race Track. I’d never seen or heard anything like that, and from then on, I was hooked.

It was time to take this love to the next level; it was time to actually experience a race.

When my husband and I arrived at historic Sebring Race Track outside of Orlando, we were excited to see all of the gorgeous cars that were being raced; there were Porsches, Audis, BMWs, Ferraris, Vipers, Corvettes, and Roadsters, to name a few. We knew that the next day Rick intended to take us out for a ride-along in one of these, and looking at the cars to choose from, I was thrilled at the prospect. 

That is, until I was chatting with the lovely wife of one of the driving instructors, who said, “Oh, I hope you don’t get sick on the ride-along. I did.” 

I responded, “Um, what?” It had never occurred to me that this might be a possibility.

“Oh yeah,” she said, nodding grimly, “People get sick in their helmets all the time. Do you get motion sick?”

“Uh...well, yeah, I do, actually.” I swallowed, now beside myself that I might throw up in someone else’s car.

“Oh....” She trailed off, looking a bit concerned. “Well, you need to know the ‘I’m going to vomit’ hand signal so you can let Rick know, ‘cause, you know, it’s too loud in the car to talk.” She made a cutting motion across her neck to demonstrate this now vital signal. 

This stunned me; all I could think was: This happens so often on ride-alongs that they have an official signal to let the driver know that you are about to lose your cookies? 

Gulp. 

From that moment on, “Fearless Tara” became “Fairly Concerned Tara.” In fact, so concerned was I that as my husband slept soundly beside me that night, I was awake furiously Googling “How to not get motion sick in a race car.” To my surprise, there were many pages dedicated to just this (now critical)  quest. I studied the suggestions with deep interest: 

No caffeine. Don’t eat anything weird. Try not to move your head too much. Make sure you are hydrated. Don’t look at the ground. Make sure you have some airflow. Keep breathing to keep yourself oxygenated. And my personal favorite: Don’t focus on the idea that you are going to get sick, because it makes it more likely that you will. 

The next morning, I followed most of this advice without a problem: I had decaf coffee and oatmeal for breakfast, a pretty normal thing for me. I drank a ton of water, and once we got to the track, I drank some Gatorade to make sure I was hydrated. I practiced slow breathing so I had lots of oxygen in my red blood cells. 

However, when it came to not worrying about getting motion sick, well, that was a bit more of a challenge. I mean really, how helpful is it to tell someone to not to think about something? Doesn’t that just pretty much guarantee that’s all you can think about? 

It did for me. No matter how I tried to distract myself from it, the fear of getting sick in someone’s beautiful car was spinning through my head like a drunk guy on a dance floor, and I was feeling just about as likely to need the “Porcelain God” (or the side of the track) at a moment’s notice. 

Our ride-along was supposed to be at 10AM, but, due to Rick’s racing schedule and a fuel emergency, we missed the time slot. No biggie, but this meant that we’d be going much later in the day, necessitating the need to grab lunch before our ride-along.

This wasn’t the best news, as the only place to eat was a shack that served all manner of greasy food - not exactly on anyone’s anti-motion-sick diet. However, figuring we had a good bit of time to be able to digest before our ride-along, my husband ordered a burger and I grabbed a fried chicken sandwich. We were about half-way through each when Rick called my phone, “Hey! Where are you guys? I’ve got the car and the race is in 10 minutes.” 

I looked at my husband and said, “Put down the hamburger. Immediately. Our ride-along is now.” 

I won’t forget the look he gave me for quite a while - it was a mix of concern, horror, and humor. We started nervously laughing and ran for the staging area to meet Rick. 

Heavy with hamburger, my husband bravely decided to go first, so I watched as he strapped on his helmet and climbed in the car - a brand-new gorgeous ruby red 2014 Corvette Stingray. I was to then run to the pit and wait until I saw them come in, when we’d switch out. 

Right before they took off, Rick said, “I haven’t driven this car before. This should be fun!” The tires squealed as he took off to grab his position at the start of the track, my husband waving goodbye. I turned and ran for the pit, repeating to myself with all the confidence I could muster, “I will not be sick. I will not be sick.” 

I heard the race heading my way before I ever saw a car. I looked down the straightaway and saw a gorgeous orange racing Porsche, then a silver one, then right on their tail, Rick and my husband. They flew past me going stunningly fast, and my husband stuck his arm in the air. I took it as a signal that he was still alive and hadn’t lost his lunch. 

All good. I kept deep breathing while watching the race; 50+ cars were out there, all fighting for position and getting faster and faster on the straightaway as they gained confidence in their cars. It was pretty awesome. 

Before I knew it, I looked down to see the Corvette coming to pick me up. I scrambled over the pit wall as they came to a stop beside me. My husband got out and pulled off the helmet. 

“How was it?” I asked brightly.

He looked a bit white. “Well, I survived,” he said as he handed me the helmet. His tone and color were a bit concerning, but I didn’t have time to think about it; I needed to get in the car, and fast. 

I jumped in, fixed the helmet to my head, and strapped myself in. “All ready?” Rick asked, patting me on the arm.

“Yep!” I said, trying to look confident. 

We took off. Now, when I say, “We took off,” I don’t mean your average, “Hey, let’s get going!” kind of moment. I mean, “Hey, you’re going to slam back into your seat while G-forces go to work on that half fried chicken sandwich you just ate” kind of take off. 

I swallowed and breathed in deeply, willing that sandwich down farther in my gut. As the car increased speed, I realized with great relief that I wasn’t going to be motion sick; my body seemed perfectly happy with being smacked around as we sped around the track, and my stomach didn’t feel in the least bit off. Whew. 

With this worry off my brain, the experience became exhilarating. What was more so was how incredibly skillful Rick is as a driver. This course is 3.7 miles long and has 17 turns. Let me repeat that: seventeen turns. That’s a lot for a track, and you better know what you are doing if you are going to be out there. Thankfully, Rick did. 

As we raced off toward turn 1, I was amazed at the amount of gear shifting that has to happen during a single moment in a race. It seemed that Rick was constantly shifting up, down, and sideways while driving with one hand and watching for the cars around us, all of which were going extremely fast, some wanting to pass, some needing to be passed. 

We wove through the rest of the course, racing along at speeds that were not something I’ve tried on a highway, and I’m a bit of a lead foot, if I'm to be honest. We made it through the slalom turns with expert braking, controlled sliding, and measured acceleration. 

And then I realized it - we were approaching the infamous Turn 17. Turn 17 is a basically a hairpin turn, and we’d already seen a couple of crashes there, so I knew it was not something to head into lightly. I glanced over to see our speed as we were about there: 80 miles an hour. Even more impressive, we were drafting off of two racing Porches, just inches away from their bumpers. 

It’s hard to describe what this is actually like, but I am going to try: 

Imagine that you are heading onto a highway off-ramp going 80 miles an hour, right on the butt-end of a couple of cars who are also going 80 miles an hour. Now imagine going around the off-ramp at that speed and proximity to the cars. Then, imagine that there is no way in hell that you are going to make it around that curve without your backend sliding out unless you control the slide by rapid, teeny-tiny adjustments of the steering wheel, which feels like you are fighting to keep the car from slingshotting into the wall (which, by the way, you are). 

That’s pretty much what it was like. It was incredible to watch and experience. 

The second we got around the turn, Rick hit the accelerator, I slammed back in my seat, and we smoked past the Porches. It was awesome. 

Rick tapped my arm and pointed at the speedometer. I looked - 135 miles per hour. Oh. My. God. 

I laughed and started clapping. 

Will I go again? Absolutely. In fact, I loved it so much that my husband and I are considering signing up for a driving school to learn to race cars ourselves. 

More importantly, I learned something fantastic from this experience: 

When you stop being afraid, you get to really live. Even better, you develop confidence in yourself that you can handle more than you think you can, and that you can start taking bigger risks. I’m finding that this realization has brought fresh energy to every area of my life; since the race, I've been taking leaps I’ve needed to take professionally and personally for a while, and it’s amazing to see what it coming into my life because of it. 

Yep. I’m pretty happy that I chose “Fearless” as my word of the year. 

If you’ve been playing it too safe this week, consider this as the sign that you needed to decide to do something fearless in your life as soon as possible. 

What big risk would you like to take? What great adventure is beckoning you? Or have you done something fearless and lived to tell the tale? I’d love to hear about it - comment below! 

Are you interested in trying out racing yourself and are in Florida or Georgia? Check out PBOC Motorsports for membership and driving instruction. 

Blazing Your Own Trail: You Can Get to Where You Want to Go Any Way You Want To

Have you ever been going along, personal life plan in place, goals in mind, when someone tells you, “That’s not the way to do it! You should do it this way!”?

I should think that you have, as I am certain that it is not possible to be human and to escape this experience. 

As you set forth your goals and go about following your action plan to get them, it is good to be prepared for the so-called “authorities” that will tell you how you should do everything. It seems that each person you encounter will be the expert, telling you “from experience” that you must do it a certain way. Or, they might explain that they “tried everything” and this was the “only thing that worked” for them, to save you the trouble of even trying a new method. Most commonly, you might hear that you cannot accomplish your dreams, that “It’s impossible. It just can’t be done.” 

The next time that you are confronted with this kind of thinking, remember that this attitude would have left us in the stone ages hunting and gathering for our food and wearing fur (or less). 

Please believe me: there are countless ways to do anything. Things that have never been done before are just begging to be brought into being from the Source. I mean, can you imagine how many people told the Wright brothers that flying was impossible? Now it is an everyday occurrence, moving millions of people around the world at every moment. I imagine that Bill Gates had people who thought that he was crazy when he started Microsoft; now he is one of the most powerful and successful men on Earth. I cannot fathom how many people Oprah Winfrey must have encountered that told her that she would never be able to be what she is today. Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela, Gloria Steinam, and Martin Luther King changed the world because they believed that it could be done. They knew that they could do something that had never been done before, they ignored the naysayers, and they did it. 

The next time that someone tells you that you can’t do whatever it is that you are aiming to do, tell them that they are full of rubbish (in the kindest possible way, please). Go home, turn on the Biography Channel, and watch a few biographies on some famous people. If that is not possible, pick up some autobiographies from the local bookstore. Suddenly, you will see that bringing the seemingly impossible into being in a way that is authentic to you is the only sure path to take. 

For every person who is a successful actor, there are as many different paths that led them to that goal. For every successful entrepreneur, there are as many different ways to find success. For every person who has become President of the United States—not one of them took an identical path to the White House. 

The ways to get to your dreams and goals are as varied as the number of people on the planet. Your life is not identical to anyone else’s; no one else has lived life in the same way, made the same decisions, or taken exactly the same steps as you have. There is no one else in the world exactly like you—and there is never one true path that you must follow to lead you to the life of your dreams. 

Believe in yourself. Make choices that radiate the power inherent within you. Take all actions based on the frequencies matching what you desire to bring into being. Finally, believe that what you dream of is already in reality, because believing in the end result helps to bring it into reality. Stay steadfast in your personal belief and let this flow into being in your life, however it chooses to do so.  

*This article is an excerpt from The Flow: 40 Days to Total Life Transformation 

Tara's Questions for Positive Change:

1. Have you ever stopped going after a dream because of other’s opinions? How did that make you feel?
2. Have you tried to follow another’s path, only to find that it was not the right one for you? Is there a new path that you could take that would make you happy?
3. Do you ask many opinions before moving forward on a new project? What might happen if you simply listened to your own mind and gut instinct? Would you have the confidence to do that? How would it feel if you succeeded against the odds?