Self-Love: How Changing Negative Self-Talk Helps You Succeed (and Heal)

“I just never feel that I am good enough.” 

“I feel like a failure.”

“I hate myself.”

“I don’t ever stand up for myself.”

“I have made so many mistakes.”

“I will never be able to be better than I am today.”

Do you relate to these statements? If so, you aren’t alone. In my work helping people to break negative patterns and achieve their goals, I would say 90% of my clients have uttered something along these lines. Worse, low self-esteem is at the heart of many, many of the issues they have, whether they are dealing with negative life experiences or have difficult health issues, such as ulcers, kidney stones, or gaining weight in the stomach.  

While feelings of low self-worth are enormously prevalent, the truth is that most of us hide it fairly well. Sure, there will be times when these kinds of thoughts will actually be voiced to someone else, but more often than not, you injure yourself in private, only allowing the inner bully to beat you up in your mind. Unfortunately, a lot of harm is done this way. After all, the more that you put yourself down, the more you believe it. The more you believe it, the more you will continue to attract self-defeating and self-sabotaging experiences. 

First, to find out how much of a habit negative self-talk is, I would like you to look into a mirror (or just think about looking into a mirror). What are the first thoughts that come to your mind? Are they loving thoughts? Or do you begin to nitpick at yourself, thinking about how you look awful, have wrinkles, are too fat, or whatever other horrible things you might say to yourself?

If you are like so many I have worked with, I am guessing the negative voices overtake the positive ones every time. 

Now ask yourself, “What experiences am I avoiding because I don’t feel good enough?” “How am I holding myself back in life?” “What relationships in my life reinforce my negative feelings about myself?”

And finally, “How would my life be different if I felt really, really good about myself?”

The answer to these questions will show you how important it is to develop a healthy sense of self-worth, as the life you live now is likely quite different from the one you would be living if you felt truly confident.

The good news is that helping people to build their self-confidence in order to go after the life of their dreams is a passion of mine! On this site, you will find a treasure chest of effective resources, exercises, and articles that will help you to build true confidence and feel like a new, improved, more self-assured version of yourself.

All of these resources will help you to feel more confident in all areas of your life, however, you must take the time to actually do the exercises and questions. After all, you likely have held negative beliefs about yourself for most of your life, so it does take time and work to get rid of them.

However, the small amount of work that this involves pays a big payout: You will feel more confident, attract better relationships, feel safer in any situation, be healthier and happier, and be able to truly go after the life of your dreams without reservation. 

Sounds good? Alright, then don’t waste anymore time feeling like you are less than you are. Get going on becoming the confident, empowered person you were meant to be!

Do you know someone that would benefit from reading this article? Please share the love and share it...much gratitude to you for doing so!! 

Tara's Questions for Positive Change: 

1. What are the most negative things you say about yourself? Can you remember when you began to feel that way? Did someone in your life use those words to criticize you? 
2. In what ways are you holding yourself back because you don’t feel good enough? 
3. Have you had relationships where you were emotionally, physically, or verbally abused? How did this experience change your feelings about yourself? Please note: If you are in an abusive relationship now, please see our “crisis center” for links to resources to help you to leave the situation. Also, please feel free to ask to be connected to a therapist or other clinician to assist you. Remember, you are not alone. You can find help - just ask.
4. How would your life be different right now if you felt really, really good about yourself? Write down this vision of your empowered life. Keep this vision with you (in a private location) and read it daily as inspiration to continue doing the work to build your self-confidence.

Financially Stuck: Are Old Beliefs Keeping You Poor?

Are you truly open to allowing money to come to you?

While you may be screaming “yes!”, hold your horses. Just like any relationship, you have a personal relationship with money, and so, you have a power balance going on: money can control you, you can control money, or you can have a balanced and flowing relationship with it, allowing it to come in and out of your life with love and trust. 

So, while you may say that you are absolutely open to having money, your beliefs about money may tell a very different story. In fact, you may have an internal conflict raging within you—on one hand, seeing money as evil or bad, and on the other, seeing it as your very life-blood to achieve what you desire in life. You fear both having too much, believing that you must do something unethical to earn it—or having too little, fearing an unfulfilling, impoverished existence. It really is a mess—and it absolutely blocks your ability to allow money to flow to you easily. 

Answer the questions below to help you to learn how to create more balance and joy in your relationship with money. By opening yourself to a healthier experience of your finances, you can also open yourself to a better, more fulfilling, more supported life. 

The You Whisperer Questions: 

1. Do you see money as evil or bad? Were you told that “rich people must be bad or unethical?” How do you think this affects your relationship with money?
2. Do you not feel like you deserve money? Do you feel that a spiritual or good person doesn’t need financial wealth? Where does this belief come from?
3. Have you ever been able to do something good with your money? For instance, have you given to a homeless shelter, saved a dog from a pound, or given to a charity that helps starving children? How did that make you feel about the power of money? 

Money Doesn’t Buy Happiness, But Happiness Might Buy Money: 3 Ways to Be Happy and Prosper

You may have heard the phrase “Do what you love, and the money will follow.” 

Of course, when you are in a job that you hate or are just barely struggling to keep food on the table, this seems like an impossibility. How in the world are you supposed to do what you love, when you would risk everything to do so? After all, you have so little now!  

I know it is scary, but there are ways to make a transition to loving your work and making more money an easy and painless process.  

A major roadblock to doing what you love is the common belief that work should be hard and dissatisfying. After all, if you hate your job, it makes it okay to be paid well for it, right?  

Wrong. You can love your work and make a good living doing so—in fact, you should be doing this. Best of all, you can start this process now with your current job, and then allow yourself to easily flow into a new job, if that is what you desire. 

To do so, follow these 3 steps:

1. Imagine the kind of day you would like to have. 

First, start to see your current job as what you make of it. 

Do you go to work each day expecting to have an awful day with a terrible boss and horrible customers? Most of us do, but this is obviously not going to create a job that is even mildly enjoyable for you. Instead, I would like you to use visualization each morning to imagine the kind of day that you would like to have. Imagine what the day would be like if you had an absolutely amazing, fulfilling day.  

How different do you feel at that moment, in that kind of day, than you normally do? Connect with this positive feeling, and stay with it all day.  

If you begin to find yourself falling back into your old way of feeling about work, take a minute or two to close your eyes and reconnect with the positive feeling. You will be literally amazed at how much better your day will be if you begin to cultivate this little practice each morning. You might just find that while it may not be the job of your dreams, it is a job that you can enjoy.   

2. Create the positive work (and money) experience you desire. 

Now that you have a positive feeling about work, begin to take a real look at your options with this particular job, and what you truly want to do in life. To your surprise, you may have found that when you change your expectations about your current job, you actually have such a positive experience during work that you truly do love it. If so, you can make the decision to stay—you are in a good situation that is fulfilling to you. You will likely begin to have more and more positive experiences that will bring you all that you desire from your work, including more money and even promotions, if that is what you desire. 

However, you may have found that this job just truly does not fit either who you are as a human being, or your dreams and desires for yourself. By observing this job from a new attitude, you may have realized that you are compromising yourself and your beliefs by doing the work that you do. At this point, it is time to leave this job. Remember, if you live to 80 years of age, you only live 29,200 days. Why waste any more of them in a job that you hate? 

Of course, you certainly can make the decision to stay, but you will likely be doing so out of fear or obligation, and that will repetitively send a signal to your mind that you are expecting more of the same—and more of the same will flow to you, depleting both your energy and your creative self. 

You truly do deserve better. I know that the immediate response might be fear—fear of the unknown, fear of how to get a better job, fear of the effect that this decision will have on others. Just put that aside for a moment. 

Ask yourself: What kind of job have you always dreamed of? What kind of job has called to you? What do you love doing? Put together a clear picture of what you think that you would like to do for work. Just like creating a perfect partner, write down a list of what would make a perfect job for you, and believe that you can bring that job into being. As always, refuse to settle for less than what you truly desire. 

How would you feel each day if you had a job that fulfilled you like this? Connect with that feeling, and know that a job matching this feeling is flowing to you now, and with it, all the money that you desire.   

3.  Take action to make your dream a reality. 

Visualization and meditation is a wonderful tool to connect you with the job - and prosperity - of your dreams, but do remember that you also need to take action to create opportunities for yourself as well. Reach out to people that might be able to help you. Research job openings. Apply for work. Begin writing your book or creating that business if that’s what you dream of.  

Whatever it is, get going. I could dream of writing this article all day long, but without actually pulling out my computer and typing, it would not come into reality.

Align your thoughts, words, and actions to be happy and prosperous!