The Life Shift Crisis: When is a Breakdown Really a Breakthrough?

“I just don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“I don’t feel like doing anything; I just want to be alone.”

“Nothing seems right about my life right now. My family, friends, and work just don’t seem to fit me anymore.”

“My emotions are all over the place; one day I feel like crying, the next I am totally numb.”

Do any of these statements sound like you? Are you in the process of a major mind, body, or life change? If so, you may be going through the “dark night of the soul.” The good news is that it’s actually a sign that you are on the right track. 

Making a major life change tunes you into a higher, much more aware way of living. While this is for your best, the adjustment to this higher level means that your current beliefs, identity, groups, work, and relationships no longer fit the person that you now know yourself to be. Everything that you know as your life and your comfort zone becomes challenged. You may deal with discomfort, depression, and maybe even a true spiritual crisis, often described as a “dark night of the soul.”  

While this process can feel uncomfortable, it is often a strong indication that you are shifting to become truly powerful and in tune with most positive aspects of life. 

I went through just such a spiritual crisis in the process of rearranging my life to do my heart’s work and live my life purpose. Let me tell you, it is not necessarily a pleasant experience. I didn’t feel like getting up in the morning. I knew that my own mission in life was “to help others and heal their pain,” and I felt a deep calling to do so, but I did not know how best to express myself in the world. I felt so irritated by everything that I had once seen as comfortable that I wanted to just hide myself away from everyone and everything. Nothing seemed to fit me anymore; the things that I used to enjoy were now completely unfulfilling. 

As you begin your journey to your most authentic, happy, and healthy self, you may find yourself going through your own “dark night of the soul.” Caught up in this transition, you may begin wondering if you will ever find your way. You may feel abandoned by life, as everything that you trust and know seems to shake up or disappear all together. You may feel shocked that you are not able to accept the same behavior from others that you once considered normal. 

Perhaps most difficult, you may feel conflicted about moving forward with your plans to better yourself and your life. Part of you may feel excited, because something within you is ready to move forward. After all, your spirit has wanted you to be your truest, most fulfilled self all along. However, another part of you may rebel, perhaps due to a long-standing resistance to change. Worrying thoughts may creep up, such as, “What will I have to leave behind? What if I am crazy? What if I do this and totally mess up my life?” Worse yet, these feelings may be amplified by other people in your life, especially those who have some interest in keeping you as you are today. Of course, this outside reinforcement of your innate fear will only amplify it. 

When this happens (or if it is happening now), take a deep breath. Remember that you are never lost, and you are never abandoned by life or a higher power (however you define such a force)—you are one with the potential of the entire universe. Whether you know it or not, you are being guided forward on a path that is right for you. This is especially true when you have made the courageous decision to change your life.

If you feel lost, unsure, or overwhelmed, go to the life purpose pages and find your true calling. Then, choose to connect with the positive emotions that you feel when you know who you are and why you are here. While connected to these emotions, ask yourself: “Do I want to choose fear and cling to a life that doesn’t suit me anymore? Or do I want to move forward with faith and connect to a fulfilling life where I make a real contribution to the world?”  

The choice becomes very clear. 

Trust your calling and your connection to all that is and move forward, bravely choosing to make choices and create a life that is in tune with your highest callings and deepest dreams. Take time each day to connect with the oneness of the universe through prayer, meditation, or simply sitting in nature. Feel the truth that you always fit into all that is, and that there is a plan at work that is bringing you positive new experiences in alignment with your conscious transformation. Allow yourself to reconnect with your inner sense of purpose, be grateful for your creative power, and trust that you will have all that you need provided for you.

When you have the faith in yourself to change your life for the better, you resonate with the power of love of self and of others. The most noble thing that you can do is to use your unique energy and talents in a way that betters the world for all of us. Not only will you be emotionally fulfilled (no matter what anyone thinks of your decisions), you will make a difference in the lives of all you meet. 

The Flow Method Questions for Introspection: 

1. Do you feel full-body tired or depressed? Do you feel disconnected from everything around you? Can you see where a shift in your beliefs may have caused this change in your life? Do the people and things of your old life fit who you truly are? If not, know that while these experiences no longer fit you, you will bring others into your life that match your new way of being exactly. 

Retuning Statement/Affirmation: “I am always connected to everyone and everything. I trust that I am moving forward into a better life for myself.” Use this statement throughout the day, especially when you are feeling unsure or overwhelmed, to begin retuning your mind, body, and spirit into a new reality. 

2.  Do others in your life put forth fear or judgment about the life that you need to lead in order to be healthy, happy, and empowered? Do you feel shaky or depressed when being around these people?  

If this is an issue for you, limit your exposure to these people. When you are around them, focus on your breath. While breathing in and out slowly, mentally repeat, “I trust myself. I have the right to live an empowered, joyful life.”

Self-Love: How Changing Negative Self-Talk Helps You Succeed (and Heal)

“I just never feel that I am good enough.” 

“I feel like a failure.”

“I hate myself.”

“I don’t ever stand up for myself.”

“I have made so many mistakes.”

“I will never be able to be better than I am today.”

Do you relate to these statements? If so, you aren’t alone. In my work helping people to break negative patterns and achieve their goals, I would say 90% of my clients have uttered something along these lines. Worse, low self-esteem is at the heart of many, many of the issues they have, whether they are dealing with negative life experiences or have difficult health issues, such as ulcers, kidney stones, or gaining weight in the stomach.  

While feelings of low self-worth are enormously prevalent, the truth is that most of us hide it fairly well. Sure, there will be times when these kinds of thoughts will actually be voiced to someone else, but more often than not, you injure yourself in private, only allowing the inner bully to beat you up in your mind. Unfortunately, a lot of harm is done this way. After all, the more that you put yourself down, the more you believe it. The more you believe it, the more you will continue to attract self-defeating and self-sabotaging experiences. 

First, to find out how much of a habit negative self-talk is, I would like you to look into a mirror (or just think about looking into a mirror). What are the first thoughts that come to your mind? Are they loving thoughts? Or do you begin to nitpick at yourself, thinking about how you look awful, have wrinkles, are too fat, or whatever other horrible things you might say to yourself?

If you are like so many I have worked with, I am guessing the negative voices overtake the positive ones every time. 

Now ask yourself, “What experiences am I avoiding because I don’t feel good enough?” “How am I holding myself back in life?” “What relationships in my life reinforce my negative feelings about myself?”

And finally, “How would my life be different if I felt really, really good about myself?”

The answer to these questions will show you how important it is to develop a healthy sense of self-worth, as the life you live now is likely quite different from the one you would be living if you felt truly confident.

The good news is that helping people to build their self-confidence in order to go after the life of their dreams is a passion of mine! On this site, you will find a treasure chest of effective resources, exercises, and articles that will help you to build true confidence and feel like a new, improved, more self-assured version of yourself.

All of these resources will help you to feel more confident in all areas of your life, however, you must take the time to actually do the exercises and questions. After all, you likely have held negative beliefs about yourself for most of your life, so it does take time and work to get rid of them.

However, the small amount of work that this involves pays a big payout: You will feel more confident, attract better relationships, feel safer in any situation, be healthier and happier, and be able to truly go after the life of your dreams without reservation. 

Sounds good? Alright, then don’t waste anymore time feeling like you are less than you are. Get going on becoming the confident, empowered person you were meant to be!

Do you know someone that would benefit from reading this article? Please share the love and share it...much gratitude to you for doing so!! 

Tara's Questions for Positive Change: 

1. What are the most negative things you say about yourself? Can you remember when you began to feel that way? Did someone in your life use those words to criticize you? 
2. In what ways are you holding yourself back because you don’t feel good enough? 
3. Have you had relationships where you were emotionally, physically, or verbally abused? How did this experience change your feelings about yourself? Please note: If you are in an abusive relationship now, please see our “crisis center” for links to resources to help you to leave the situation. Also, please feel free to ask to be connected to a therapist or other clinician to assist you. Remember, you are not alone. You can find help - just ask.
4. How would your life be different right now if you felt really, really good about yourself? Write down this vision of your empowered life. Keep this vision with you (in a private location) and read it daily as inspiration to continue doing the work to build your self-confidence.

Loving Yourself: 3 Ways to Love Your Flaws and Take On the World

You wake up in the morning, stumble out of bed, and go to the bathroom. Wiping the sleep from your eyes, you look in the mirror. “My God! I am gorgeous!” you say to yourself. “Wow! I’m practically a movie star!”  

Doesn’t happen this way, you say? Don’t worry, you aren’t alone. 

While I am being somewhat silly about the positive feelings you should have toward yourself, I am completely serious about learning to love the body you are in. Sure, you may want to change some aspects of yourself, but you can decide to love them even while you are changing them. 

In fact, I wouldn’t just say that you can decide to love them, but that you need to.

By loving what you are at the moment, you begin a process of holistic change. You send out a more positive energy to all around you, which allows you to attract better people to your life. You gain confidence in yourself, which allows you to accomplish more and to stand up for yourself when you should. 

In effect, loving yourself as you are at the moment is the key to changing yourself into all that you dream to be. 

If you find that difficult - or practically impossible - to imagine, try these simple exercises to begin flexing that “self-love” muscle:

1. Look yourself in the eye in the mirror and say, “I love you.” 

Now, this does seem easy, but it can be a horribly difficult task for some. Go easy on yourself. If, as you try this, you feel like running away or breaking the mirror, take a deep breath. Walk away from the mirror. Calm yourself for a moment. Come back. Look in your eyes again, and try, “I am okay with myself.” Once you are okay with being okay, try moving to, “I like myself.” Work on that for a bit. Finally, move to “I love myself.” 

2. Change negative self-talk to positive self-talk.

Focus on how you talk about yourself throughout the day. Do you comment on your “love handles” or joke about your “batwings?” How often do you put yourself down during the day?  

Don’t finish a negative or self-deprecating comment. Instead, stop yourself and change the comment to a positive one - or, at the very least, a neutral one. 

Bringing your awareness to the hate you direct at yourself is a critical (and often surprising) step in developing self-love and a positive body image.

3. Dress in a way that makes you feel good.

Do you find yourself stuck in a rut of dressing in yoga pants or sweatshirts? Has it been a long time since you put any care into how you look?  

If so, you are only reinforcing a negative feeling about yourself. By changing the way you dress and taking some time to look good, you will begin to take more pride in yourself. 

It’s just about an instant cure to a negative body image.

Find clothes that make you feel good. Iron that shirt you love or put on those terrific heels - even if you don’t have anywhere particularly important to go. Take a few minutes to dab on cologne, put on make up, or do your hair. 

It is amazing how much better you will begin to feel, and even more importantly, when you take care of yourself, you send a signal out that you are worthy of even better from life. This begins a cycle that allows you to develop a better sense of self.

Who knew that clothes had such power? 

Go out and love yourself today. You are one of a kind! 

How to Feel Safe: Dealing With Anxiety by Creating Your Own Security and Peace of Mind

Perhaps the greatest stress that you will ever face is the impression that you cannot protect yourself from life itself.

I have certainly had moments like this. A few years ago my husband and I went through two hurricanes, completing renovations on our house, putting it on the market, a cross-country move, and the death of my beloved grandmother all in a four week period (actually, all but one hurricane happened in one week). I have never been so stressed out in my life, and I began to notice that I was constantly looking over my shoulder, waiting for the next disaster to happen. 

To top it off, I found I had gained about ten pounds in a week, although I hadn’t eaten a thing in days.

I felt exposed and unable to protect myself, and this frequency began to create the physical reactions that I was having. My fight or flight response was so overstimulated that my adrenal glands burned out. My mind was saturated with the idea that life was unsafe, so I manifested padding all over my body to at least soften the energetic blows.

If you carry excess weight in your mid-section, ask yourself why you feel unsafe. Very often, you will feel the answer in your gut immediately. Perhaps you have been hurt by someone close to you, and you are afraid of being hurt again. Maybe you are afraid of being rejected for who you are. Or, perhaps you are at a point of chaos in your life, and you feel that the blows will never stop. Any threat against your physical, emotional, or spiritual self can trigger an imbalance in the core of your body.

While you may feel that you cannot protect yourself, this is never true. As the co-creator of your life, you have the ability to create your own security and your own safe space, even in threatening situations. After all, the more that you identify a particular situation (or all of life) with the expectation, “I am not safe,” the more that you will trigger a fight or flight response in your body. 

Instead, when you find yourself feeling that you are being threatened in any way, bring your awareness to your breath. You will likely notice that you are either holding your breath or it is speeding up, so choose instead to take deep, slow breaths. Breathe in to the count of 5; breathe out to the count of 7. By doing this, you communicate to your mind that you are calm—and your body remains calm. Then, in this calm state, repeat to yourself the new expectation, “I create my own security. I am safe. I am protected.” If you would like to, you can place your hand over your stomach as you do this, further reprogramming your mind to connect your physical state with your mental reality. 

The more you practice this, the more you create new neural programming that you really are safe and that you are able to protect yourself. It also sends out an important message to life itself that you are empowering yourself to choose better, safer, and happier experiences for you. 

Remember, you DO have the power to change your anxious, scared reactions to life, and by so doing, to change the kind of life you have. 

The Flow Method Questions and Actions:

1. Can you remember when you began feeling anxious? Was it during a particularly stressful time, or was it due to a traumatic event?

2. In what situations do you feel most unsafe or anxious? When you are in those situation (or just before), remember to use the calming breath above. Then, in a calm state, repeat to yourself, “I am safe. I create my own security.” If you get anxious during the event, remember to go back to the calm breath. Again, putting your hand over your stomach helps to ground your mind and your body and makes an important connection for retuning your reaction in these situations.

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