A Random Act of Kindness a Day to Change Myself and the World

I've decided to do a random act of kindness a day to see how it impacts my life and the world in general. If nothing else, I know that doing good for others makes me feel good, so it's a good experiment from the start!

The first random act of kindness I am going to do is in the picture above - write a "thank you" note to someone who has impacted my life positively.  

I'd love it if you'd join me. What are your ideas for random acts of kindness? 

3 Ways My Gramma VA Influenced My Life, and Lessons that Might Help You, Too.

My grandmother - or "Gramma VA" as my sister and I called her - was truly one of my best friends and biggest supporters. Last week was her birthday, and as I might have done when she was alive, I picked up the phone to call her and wish her a happy day. 

Realizing that I couldn’t, I sat down and pondered the profound influence this feisty little Irish woman had on my life. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that while I miss her dearly, the effect she’s had on me means that she lives on in my every moment. I’d like to share a little of her wisdom with you, in the hopes that maybe it hits home for you, too - and a little more of her will be shared with the world. 

Gramma VA-ism #1: Always look good when you go out; you’ll feel better mentally, and that affects everything.

Photo courtesy of CoutureAllure.blogspot.com

A few days after she had a mastectomy, there was fluid in my grandma's lungs and we needed to get her back to the hospital to be checked out. Upon reporting this to her, she sat up, put her feet on the ground, and began putting on her pantyhose. 

Now, one would think that going to the ER was not really the kind of occasion that dictated pantyhose, but for my Gramma, it was unthinkable to go anywhere without looking her best. Although we protested that she really didn’t need to get made up to go to the hospital, she ended up dressing in some velvet pants and a cotton blouse before we were allowed to take her out that day.

The truth is, there is something to that kind of thinking. In fact, a recent study showed that women that were sad or depressed tended to wear baggy tops, jeans, or a sweatshirt. Women that were happy were more likely to put on favorite jewelry, a pretty dress, or nice shoes. 

I think there’s more to it than just that, though. I know on days when I feel off, if I take the extra time to dress myself well in a colorful dress with beautiful jewelry, I actually feel better, too. The author of that study agrees with me: “The strong link between clothing and mood state suggests we should put on clothes that we associate with happiness, even when feeling low,” the study states. 

My Gramma beat that bout of cancer. Do I think that her determination to always dress beautifully had something to do with it? You bet I do. She dressed better, and therefore she felt stronger, more resilient, and more capable of taking control over the disease and healing. 

Take a look at the relationship between how you dress every day and how you feel. Did you used to dress better, but find that now you take little care of yourself? What might have caused that change? Could you find ways to dress a bit better, with the understanding that YOU will feel better, and that will impact the quality of care you can give others, too? 

Try it out; take a little more time tomorrow to dress in a way that really makes you feel good. Then come back and let me know if you feel better emotionally, too! 

 

Gramma VA-ism #2: You are more resilient than you think you are. 

My grandfather died at only 54 years old, leaving my Gramma––who had been a stay-at-home Navy wife for most of her life––all alone. My grandfather had a pension and some life insurance, but it wasn’t enough for her to survive financially for the rest of her life. Worse, she was now alone, without the man that she had loved since her teens.

Rather than giving in to the “hysterics” or “ineptitude” that women of her generation were taught to believe are normal for ladies, she instead gathered herself up, brushed off some old secretarial skills, and went out and got herself a job. I can only imagine that it must have been terrifying for her to have to do that after all those years, but she did it.

Even more impressive, she figured out how to do all those things around the house that were “man’s work”––things my grandfather had always taken care of, like carpentry, plumbing, fixing the garage door, and more. She went down to the basement, opened up my grandfather’s tool box, and started learning how to use all of them. For a woman who had been raised in a generation that felt that women were unsuited for anything but gossiping and having babies, this was pretty impressive.

Fiercely independent, she showed me the possibility that a woman could do just about anything she put her mind to, age or gender be damned. She even mowed her own lawn, shoveled her own snow, and moved her own furniture around until into her 80’s. Believe me, she had plenty of people who thought she couldn’t do it or shouldn’t do it, but she decided she could, and she did. 

To me, she is a reminder of how resilient humans truly are, and how important it is to take personal responsibility for ourselves and the quality of our lives, regardless of our circumstances. Are you too dependent on anything or anyone? What ways could you challenge yourself to step up and do things you haven’t done before? Try a few today; you might just surprise yourself, and inspire someone else along the way.  

 

Gramma VA-ism #3: Life is short; remember to enjoy yourself.

About a year and a half into my marriage, I was helping to run one business while getting a second business up and running. Being way too serious for my own good and worrying about everything being a “success,” I worked and worked and worked, finally getting really exhausted. 

One night, I called my grandma to check on her, and she asked how I was doing. After rambling off a litany of business projects and things that needed completed, she asked, “And what are you doing for fun?”

It stopped me in my tracks, as I realized that I hadn’t really made time for fun in the process of trying to create a better future life. 

Then she said, “Honey, life is really, really short. You need to stop and have some fun and enjoy yourself now, because you will regret it when you get older.” 

You know how some moments stick out as life changers? That was one of them for me. I cannot tell you how often I get going, totally focused on achieving whatever goal I’ve set out for myself, and suddenly hear my Gramma’s voice in my head, “Life is short, honey.” 

And before all you driven workaholics out there say, “But I won’t get as much done if I take breaks, stop to go to the gym, or actually take a vacation,” stop right there; research refutes that completely. In fact, a recent study shows that even little breaks - a walk around the block, stopping to read a friendly note, or running out for coffee––can make you significantly more productive. In fact, the study’s author proved that, “sustained attention to a thought (leads) to that thought's disappearance from our mind.”

Photo courtesy of NASAAnd hey, they say that Einstein conceived his Theory of Relativity while riding a bike, so you just might end up getting the perfect solution for whatever goal or problem your dealing with while, I don’t know, sipping a margarita poolside or taking a walk on the beach. 

Take my Gramma VA’s advice now; go have a little fun. Let yourself be happy. Don’t work so hard; enjoy the present moment. By doing so, you won’t end up at the end of your life with these common regrets; and you’ll likely live longer, too. 

What can you do this weekend to blow off some steam and enjoy yourself? Put down the computer, turn off the phone, and go do it. Then, come back and let me know how much better you feel on Monday...

The Life Shift Crisis: When is a Breakdown Really a Breakthrough?

“I just don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“I don’t feel like doing anything; I just want to be alone.”

“Nothing seems right about my life right now. My family, friends, and work just don’t seem to fit me anymore.”

“My emotions are all over the place; one day I feel like crying, the next I am totally numb.”

Do any of these statements sound like you? Are you in the process of a major mind, body, or life change? If so, you may be going through the “dark night of the soul.” The good news is that it’s actually a sign that you are on the right track. 

Making a major life change tunes you into a higher, much more aware way of living. While this is for your best, the adjustment to this higher level means that your current beliefs, identity, groups, work, and relationships no longer fit the person that you now know yourself to be. Everything that you know as your life and your comfort zone becomes challenged. You may deal with discomfort, depression, and maybe even a true spiritual crisis, often described as a “dark night of the soul.”  

While this process can feel uncomfortable, it is often a strong indication that you are shifting to become truly powerful and in tune with most positive aspects of life. 

I went through just such a spiritual crisis in the process of rearranging my life to do my heart’s work and live my life purpose. Let me tell you, it is not necessarily a pleasant experience. I didn’t feel like getting up in the morning. I knew that my own mission in life was “to help others and heal their pain,” and I felt a deep calling to do so, but I did not know how best to express myself in the world. I felt so irritated by everything that I had once seen as comfortable that I wanted to just hide myself away from everyone and everything. Nothing seemed to fit me anymore; the things that I used to enjoy were now completely unfulfilling. 

As you begin your journey to your most authentic, happy, and healthy self, you may find yourself going through your own “dark night of the soul.” Caught up in this transition, you may begin wondering if you will ever find your way. You may feel abandoned by life, as everything that you trust and know seems to shake up or disappear all together. You may feel shocked that you are not able to accept the same behavior from others that you once considered normal. 

Perhaps most difficult, you may feel conflicted about moving forward with your plans to better yourself and your life. Part of you may feel excited, because something within you is ready to move forward. After all, your spirit has wanted you to be your truest, most fulfilled self all along. However, another part of you may rebel, perhaps due to a long-standing resistance to change. Worrying thoughts may creep up, such as, “What will I have to leave behind? What if I am crazy? What if I do this and totally mess up my life?” Worse yet, these feelings may be amplified by other people in your life, especially those who have some interest in keeping you as you are today. Of course, this outside reinforcement of your innate fear will only amplify it. 

When this happens (or if it is happening now), take a deep breath. Remember that you are never lost, and you are never abandoned by life or a higher power (however you define such a force)—you are one with the potential of the entire universe. Whether you know it or not, you are being guided forward on a path that is right for you. This is especially true when you have made the courageous decision to change your life.

If you feel lost, unsure, or overwhelmed, go to the life purpose pages and find your true calling. Then, choose to connect with the positive emotions that you feel when you know who you are and why you are here. While connected to these emotions, ask yourself: “Do I want to choose fear and cling to a life that doesn’t suit me anymore? Or do I want to move forward with faith and connect to a fulfilling life where I make a real contribution to the world?”  

The choice becomes very clear. 

Trust your calling and your connection to all that is and move forward, bravely choosing to make choices and create a life that is in tune with your highest callings and deepest dreams. Take time each day to connect with the oneness of the universe through prayer, meditation, or simply sitting in nature. Feel the truth that you always fit into all that is, and that there is a plan at work that is bringing you positive new experiences in alignment with your conscious transformation. Allow yourself to reconnect with your inner sense of purpose, be grateful for your creative power, and trust that you will have all that you need provided for you.

When you have the faith in yourself to change your life for the better, you resonate with the power of love of self and of others. The most noble thing that you can do is to use your unique energy and talents in a way that betters the world for all of us. Not only will you be emotionally fulfilled (no matter what anyone thinks of your decisions), you will make a difference in the lives of all you meet. 

The Flow Method Questions for Introspection: 

1. Do you feel full-body tired or depressed? Do you feel disconnected from everything around you? Can you see where a shift in your beliefs may have caused this change in your life? Do the people and things of your old life fit who you truly are? If not, know that while these experiences no longer fit you, you will bring others into your life that match your new way of being exactly. 

Retuning Statement/Affirmation: “I am always connected to everyone and everything. I trust that I am moving forward into a better life for myself.” Use this statement throughout the day, especially when you are feeling unsure or overwhelmed, to begin retuning your mind, body, and spirit into a new reality. 

2.  Do others in your life put forth fear or judgment about the life that you need to lead in order to be healthy, happy, and empowered? Do you feel shaky or depressed when being around these people?  

If this is an issue for you, limit your exposure to these people. When you are around them, focus on your breath. While breathing in and out slowly, mentally repeat, “I trust myself. I have the right to live an empowered, joyful life.”

Self-Love: How Changing Negative Self-Talk Helps You Succeed (and Heal)

“I just never feel that I am good enough.” 

“I feel like a failure.”

“I hate myself.”

“I don’t ever stand up for myself.”

“I have made so many mistakes.”

“I will never be able to be better than I am today.”

Do you relate to these statements? If so, you aren’t alone. In my work helping people to break negative patterns and achieve their goals, I would say 90% of my clients have uttered something along these lines. Worse, low self-esteem is at the heart of many, many of the issues they have, whether they are dealing with negative life experiences or have difficult health issues, such as ulcers, kidney stones, or gaining weight in the stomach.  

While feelings of low self-worth are enormously prevalent, the truth is that most of us hide it fairly well. Sure, there will be times when these kinds of thoughts will actually be voiced to someone else, but more often than not, you injure yourself in private, only allowing the inner bully to beat you up in your mind. Unfortunately, a lot of harm is done this way. After all, the more that you put yourself down, the more you believe it. The more you believe it, the more you will continue to attract self-defeating and self-sabotaging experiences. 

First, to find out how much of a habit negative self-talk is, I would like you to look into a mirror (or just think about looking into a mirror). What are the first thoughts that come to your mind? Are they loving thoughts? Or do you begin to nitpick at yourself, thinking about how you look awful, have wrinkles, are too fat, or whatever other horrible things you might say to yourself?

If you are like so many I have worked with, I am guessing the negative voices overtake the positive ones every time. 

Now ask yourself, “What experiences am I avoiding because I don’t feel good enough?” “How am I holding myself back in life?” “What relationships in my life reinforce my negative feelings about myself?”

And finally, “How would my life be different if I felt really, really good about myself?”

The answer to these questions will show you how important it is to develop a healthy sense of self-worth, as the life you live now is likely quite different from the one you would be living if you felt truly confident.

The good news is that helping people to build their self-confidence in order to go after the life of their dreams is a passion of mine! On this site, you will find a treasure chest of effective resources, exercises, and articles that will help you to build true confidence and feel like a new, improved, more self-assured version of yourself.

All of these resources will help you to feel more confident in all areas of your life, however, you must take the time to actually do the exercises and questions. After all, you likely have held negative beliefs about yourself for most of your life, so it does take time and work to get rid of them.

However, the small amount of work that this involves pays a big payout: You will feel more confident, attract better relationships, feel safer in any situation, be healthier and happier, and be able to truly go after the life of your dreams without reservation. 

Sounds good? Alright, then don’t waste anymore time feeling like you are less than you are. Get going on becoming the confident, empowered person you were meant to be!

Do you know someone that would benefit from reading this article? Please share the love and share it...much gratitude to you for doing so!! 

Tara's Questions for Positive Change: 

1. What are the most negative things you say about yourself? Can you remember when you began to feel that way? Did someone in your life use those words to criticize you? 
2. In what ways are you holding yourself back because you don’t feel good enough? 
3. Have you had relationships where you were emotionally, physically, or verbally abused? How did this experience change your feelings about yourself? Please note: If you are in an abusive relationship now, please see our “crisis center” for links to resources to help you to leave the situation. Also, please feel free to ask to be connected to a therapist or other clinician to assist you. Remember, you are not alone. You can find help - just ask.
4. How would your life be different right now if you felt really, really good about yourself? Write down this vision of your empowered life. Keep this vision with you (in a private location) and read it daily as inspiration to continue doing the work to build your self-confidence.