Why You SHOULD Hold Out for Your Soulmate & A "Finding Your Soulmate" Meditation

My husband and I celebrated our 14 year anniversary in November. It was, of course, a happy occasion - especially in the age of divorce when many relationships don't last this long. It was also a time of reflection, as I pondered where the time had gone, how lucky I was to have such a wonderful husband, and how I actually loved him more now than I even did on the day we got married. 

All that pondering called up one really important question: 

How did that one decision to marry him - “Mr. Soulmate” - instead of “Mr. Almost Right” or “Mr. Really, Really Wrong,” change my life? 

The answer? 

Everything is better and easier, even when life is not. 

The truth is, I came perilously close to making the wrong decision about 16 years ago. 

At that time, I was engaged to another man. I remember saying “yes” to his proposal, even when I knew in my heart and gut that it wasn’t right. 

He wasn’t a bad guy; we just really were not meant for the long haul. He was super jealous; I am extremely independent. I am a workaholic, he was still finding out what he wanted to do when he grew up. I prefer discussing issues calmly; he preferred emotional outbursts. 

Even knowing all of this, I stuck it out for a few more months, giving myself stomach ulcers; the worrying about actually having to pull the plug on the engagement was literally eating away at me. 

Finally, 100% sure that we weren’t meant for each other, I ended the engagement, and immediately felt better than I had in ages. 

Realizing that I didn’t want to repeat this relationship again (and, if I am honest,  I had a bit of a track record with this sort of thing, if I'm honest), I then took time to be myself and figure out who I was and what I really wanted. 

During this time, a friend said to me, “You know, you always date guys because they like you; when are you going to start dating people because you like them?”

I hadn’t thought about it like that. As a woman, you get asked out by people, and you think, “Well, he seems alright. I’ll go.” Nothing wrong with that exactly, but what ends up happening is you often get into a relationship with someone that has almost all the qualities you want, but you figure you’ll just put up with the missing things, rather than try to find someone that matches you completely. (This is the phenomenon known as “settling." Ignore elderly aunts and intrusive co-workers that might tell you that you should settle. You shouldn't.) 

It dawned on me that I really didn’t want to settle. So, I ended up doing extensive work on myself to be the best person I could be and to really know myself and what I truly wanted. 

And, I got really, really comfortable with being single. I honestly, in my heart of hearts, decided that if - and only if - I found the perfect guy, I’d get married. 

If not, I would happily be single. 

Then, on January 17th, 1999, I went on a blind date and fell in love at first sight with my husband. I still remember the first thought that came into my head as I met him: “Oh, there you are.” (I also remember immediately wondering why in the world such a notion had popped in my head!)

The second our eyes met, I knew my soul had been searching for him all along. We talked non-stop for hours that night; the waitress actually apologized for having to give us our bill, as the restaurant was closing.

Four months later, we were engaged, and six months after that, we were married. Honestly, I could have married him the night we met, and I would never have looked back.

Fourteen years later, and I realize how much better and easier my life is because of that one (tough) decision to break an engagement and hold out for the right guy. 

However, falling in love with the perfect person doesn't mean that life will always be perfect; it just means that it will be easier to get through with a true partner by your side. 

As I look at our 14+ year journey, the truth is that it’s been pretty crazy -and certainly has not always been easy. We’ve definitely lived up to our marriage vows (and more): 

We’ve had better: 

I wrote my book, and he supported me 100%, doing all the cooking and cleaning and sacrificing a social life so I could work around the clock writing. He’s been promoted in various companies several times. In a crazy-awesome moment, we went to Romania for a book tour, and he was an incredible, beaming support the whole time.

We’ve had worse:

We’ve moved 13 times (seriously) and sold 3 houses in 14 years. We’ve been through two hurricanes, one of which we couldn’t evacuate for (and was one of the scariest things I’ve ever been through). 

We watched my beloved grandmother die of cancer. He cried with me, because he loved her, too.

Being true entrepreneurs, we both took the chance and worked (ridiculously hard) for different start up companies. 

Being true entrepreneurs, we both were screwed by the founders of those start ups, leaving us with debt and feeling betrayed and exhausted (it seems like most entrepreneurs have a similar experience in their resume). 

We rented out our home to people who not only treated our home like a garbage dump for a year, they also were raided by the FTC and FBI for running a credit card scam. To add insult to injury, their son got back in the house a month after they moved out and threw a party, ruining several of our beautiful wood tables and spilling corrosive stuff all over our wood floor. This was not the best moment of our lives, I can assure you.

We’ve had sickness and health: 

I had mononucleosis and worked myself almost to death (ignoring the doctor’s instructions to take 6 weeks off); my husband supported me as I had to heal myself again after it turned into Chronic Fatigue. 

He had a hip replacement, which was a MUCH more major surgery than the surgeon indicated (to say the least!). I was his only caregiver; we’re really proud of getting through this together. Now he walks pain-free, which is an amazing gift.

Through it all, we’ve been a team. We’ve made every single decision together, and we support each other 100%. 

With all of this, I realize that there are some real perks to making sure you hold out for your soulmate (and because of that, I seriously encourage you to do so).

Here's why you hold out to find your soulmate - because when you do: 

You expend less energy fighting, and more energy doing.

When you are not fighting and crying and dealing with all the ways that you are different from each other, you realize that you have a heck of a lot of time to accomplish a lot more. I couldn’t have accomplished 1/10th of what I have if I had a spouse who wanted to fight all the time.

You have more confidence in your decisions.

With someone that truly, unconditionally loves you as your partner in life, you can trust that they will be there with you, supporting all your decisions and the results of those decisions.

When you don’t have to “work” on your relationship, you can can work on your life together. 

Because we fit together so well, we don’t fight at all. Now, most people cannot imagine that - but I have to tell you, it’s true. I honestly believe that people that tell you that relationships have to be hard work are 100% wrong. 

Find your soulmate, enjoy your relationship, no work involved.

During bad times, you pull together, not apart.

It’s amazing to me with all the stress that we’ve gone through, that every single time, we became closer as a couple. As I look at all we’ve been through, if I had been with anyone else, the stress of the situation would have magnified our differences, and we’d likely be divorced. Amazingly, we have always leaned on each other more to get through the bad stuff, and that has been a real gift. 

You find the funny in the bad. 

Lord knows that coming back to our home and seeing it wrecked by a bunch of teenage strangers was not fun, especially when we were just going through our 8th move in 22 months. However, walking up the stairs and seeing a butt mark on the wall at the top of the stairs ended up making us both laugh at the utter absurdity of it all. 

When you are with your soulmate, you end up having the same sense of humor, and that makes a huge difference to get through the bad days. 

Your partner will want your happiness as much as their own, not more or less.

My guilty pleasure is watching “Say Yes to the Dress” - I love seeing those beautiful gowns! But one thing I am always shocked by is, upon being asked what is so wonderful about their fiance, how often a woman will answer, “He will do absolutely anything to make me happy” or “He always puts me first and gets me whatever I want.” 

That may sound nice to some people, but the reality is that when one person is always the "giver", it eventually leads to resentment. Resentment can lead to the "giver" refusing to keep fulfilling the "taker's" needs all the time, which leads to anger and the breakdown of the relationship.

To create a beautiful, balanced relationship, it needs to be a true give-and-take, where both people want for both the other’s happiness and their own happiness. You marry your soulmate, this is a given.

You grow together and love each other for the person you’ve become.

I know people who are terrified that their husband will cheat on them or leave them because they’ve gained a little weight. I know others whose marriages have been ruined because they’ve grown into very different people. 

When you marry your soulmate, you don’t have to worry about that stuff. We’ve both gained and lost weight, looked terrible and wonderful, been grumpy and happy and everything in between, and grown in a myriad of ways. Through it all, we’ve loved each other, respected each other, and grown together.

As I look at that fateful decision to end my engagement and hold out for my soulmate, I can only encourage you to do the same (or stay single if you don’t find him or her). Life is sweeter, easier, and happier when you do - and you end up becoming more than you could have dreamt possible as a team. 

Have you found your soulmate? What advice do you have for others that might still be looking? 

I’d love to help you find your soulmate, so you can be as happy as I am! I’ve created a 45 minute guided meditation to help you tune in to the one you are truly meant to be with. It’s worked for lots of my clients; isn’t it time for you to give it a try? 

As a Valentine's gift from me to you, it's only 99 cents until February 17th (you save $9.00!). And - as with all my products and programs - it's got a 30 day money back guarantee!

Soulmate Meditation

$9.99

Are you sick and tired of the same old disappointing, frustrating, and exhausting relationships? Are you ready to find your one true love? 

This meditation is designed to help you to tune in to the one that your heart is meant for. 

But be warned - it's a powerful one! Finding your soulmate may result in:

• Feelings of euphoria, acceptance, and unconditional love
• Contentment and joy
• Sudden, incredible shifts in your life
• A new understanding of how awesome a relationship should be

If you want to keep dealing with relationships that are a whole lot of pointless work, then this is not the meditation for you. 

However, if you want to finally feel like you've found your other half, that all of your life before this finally makes sense, and like you have an incredible life ahead of you with the one you truly love (and who truly loves the whole you), then you will want to get this meditation immediately! 

It's an instant download, so you can begin tuning in to your soulmate TODAY! 

I want to find my soulmate!

3 Questions to Help You to Define Your Dreams and Get Unstuck

How do you find the purpose of your life? For me, it started as a bit of a calling at a young age. I always knew I was meant to help people, but I wasn't quite sure how. 

A piece of the puzzle fell into place one day when I, about 14 years old and stuck in a math class I disliked, began imagining myself anywhere but that room with that teacher. As I wandered off in my mind, I was daydreaming of becoming a great mystery writer, penning timeless classics in the style of Agatha Christie. I saw myself smiling, shaking the hands of fans and signing books. It was a lovely image...

I was jolted back to reality with the sound of my teacher asking, “Tara? Do you know the answer?”

Of course, I didn’t know the answer to the math question, but I thought I might know part of the answer of what I was meant to do in my life: be a writer. 

If you have been feeling stuck, wanting to become something that you are not today and wishing yourself in a new, freer situation that actually makes you feel good, then it’s time for you to ask yourself, “Do you know what would make you happy? Do you know how to define that dream?”

Far too often we simply wish ourselves out of a bad or stagnant situation, but have no idea what would actually make us happy.

In order to achieve your dreams, you need to know your dream in the first place. Here are three key questions to help you to do just that:

Question 1: What do you love to do?

Think about everything you do in your life now. What makes you feel the most joy? Maybe you love to cook for your family and friends. Perhaps you enjoy coaching your child’s soccer team. Maybe you love to help solve people’s problems. Whatever it is, list everything that makes you feel passionate about life. 

Question 2: What did you love to do as a child?

Remember when you were a kid, filled with joy, energy, and hope? What was it about that period in your life that made you truly happy? For some, you may have loved to write. For others, it might have been dance, sports, or just playing in the yard. Whatever it was, dream back to that time and write it all down. (If nothing else, you will feel a full-body smile just imagining the happy times of your youth.)

Question 3: What kind of life would allow you to feel this passion again?

The answer to this one will require both your imagination and a little research. Look at all the things that make you passionate, and imagine a life that allowed you to live with that same sense of joy. Is there a way to reintegrate some of those activities into your life? No, you might not play kickball as an adult, but you could learn another, similar activity. 

If you are seeking a new career that would bring you more joy, what kind of career would let you bring your passions to work?

The answer might come to you right off, or it might take some research. For instance, if you loved dance as a child, there are many ways to build a career around it - for instance, you could become a dance therapist, a NIA instructor, or an aerobics teacher. If you loved to write, you could become a freelance writer, a ghostwriter, or an author. Whatever it is that you love, get online and research the kinds of jobs that use that skill. You might be surprised what you find!

Then, imagine the life that would give you the freedom you desire. Close your eyes and smile, allowing a feeling of joy to flow down into your body and up into your brain. Then, just ask yourself, “How could I create a life that would bring me joy? What kind of life would that be?” Wait for the answers. If you are visual, you might actually see yourself moving to a new location or working at a new job. If you are auditory, you might “hear” in your mind some ways to move forward. 

If this is hard for you the first time, just stick with it. Do just 5 minutes of focused meditation on your “dream life” a day, writing down your observations after each session. 

By doing this, your dream life will become more defined and you will become more focused and joyful.   

What did you find from doing this exercise? And are you one of the lucky ones that has found your dream life? How did you do it? 

Blazing Your Own Trail: You Can Get to Where You Want to Go Any Way You Want To

Have you ever been going along, personal life plan in place, goals in mind, when someone tells you, “That’s not the way to do it! You should do it this way!”?

I should think that you have, as I am certain that it is not possible to be human and to escape this experience. 

As you set forth your goals and go about following your action plan to get them, it is good to be prepared for the so-called “authorities” that will tell you how you should do everything. It seems that each person you encounter will be the expert, telling you “from experience” that you must do it a certain way. Or, they might explain that they “tried everything” and this was the “only thing that worked” for them, to save you the trouble of even trying a new method. Most commonly, you might hear that you cannot accomplish your dreams, that “It’s impossible. It just can’t be done.” 

The next time that you are confronted with this kind of thinking, remember that this attitude would have left us in the stone ages hunting and gathering for our food and wearing fur (or less). 

Please believe me: there are countless ways to do anything. Things that have never been done before are just begging to be brought into being from the Source. I mean, can you imagine how many people told the Wright brothers that flying was impossible? Now it is an everyday occurrence, moving millions of people around the world at every moment. I imagine that Bill Gates had people who thought that he was crazy when he started Microsoft; now he is one of the most powerful and successful men on Earth. I cannot fathom how many people Oprah Winfrey must have encountered that told her that she would never be able to be what she is today. Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela, Gloria Steinam, and Martin Luther King changed the world because they believed that it could be done. They knew that they could do something that had never been done before, they ignored the naysayers, and they did it. 

The next time that someone tells you that you can’t do whatever it is that you are aiming to do, tell them that they are full of rubbish (in the kindest possible way, please). Go home, turn on the Biography Channel, and watch a few biographies on some famous people. If that is not possible, pick up some autobiographies from the local bookstore. Suddenly, you will see that bringing the seemingly impossible into being in a way that is authentic to you is the only sure path to take. 

For every person who is a successful actor, there are as many different paths that led them to that goal. For every successful entrepreneur, there are as many different ways to find success. For every person who has become President of the United States—not one of them took an identical path to the White House. 

The ways to get to your dreams and goals are as varied as the number of people on the planet. Your life is not identical to anyone else’s; no one else has lived life in the same way, made the same decisions, or taken exactly the same steps as you have. There is no one else in the world exactly like you—and there is never one true path that you must follow to lead you to the life of your dreams. 

Believe in yourself. Make choices that radiate the power inherent within you. Take all actions based on the frequencies matching what you desire to bring into being. Finally, believe that what you dream of is already in reality, because believing in the end result helps to bring it into reality. Stay steadfast in your personal belief and let this flow into being in your life, however it chooses to do so.  

*This article is an excerpt from The Flow: 40 Days to Total Life Transformation 

Tara's Questions for Positive Change:

1. Have you ever stopped going after a dream because of other’s opinions? How did that make you feel?
2. Have you tried to follow another’s path, only to find that it was not the right one for you? Is there a new path that you could take that would make you happy?
3. Do you ask many opinions before moving forward on a new project? What might happen if you simply listened to your own mind and gut instinct? Would you have the confidence to do that? How would it feel if you succeeded against the odds?

The Shift that Can Make Your Holidays Happier

I think I’ve finally figured something out: The holidays aren’t about love, although that’s certainly part of it. They aren’t about giving or getting something, although that’s a huge focus for people, too. They aren’t about who can put up the most lights, who gets the best presents, or whose dinner is the tastiest.

What are the holidays about, you ask?

They are about gratitude. 

Even better, when we focus on giving gratitude rather than just some material goods, the holidays get so much happier.

Think about it:

What you are really doing when you give a gift is saying, “I appreciate you.” When you share dinner with your families or friends, you are letting them know that they are important, that they mean something to you, that you want to be there with them.

When you spend time picking out that perfect gift for your mom, you are really recognizing that she sacrificed for you, that you are grateful for the little choices that she made throughout the years that have allowed you to be here, safe and sound.

When you get excited by finding something your dad will just love, what you are really saying is, “I know he will know that I noticed that he was always there for all the important stuff. I know he had to do things that he didn’t like very much in order to make sure that we had a good life.” 

Decorating the house just perfectly so that your kids will wake up Christmas morning and be greeted by the very best sights, sounds, and smells is really a way to show your children that you appreciate having them in your life. It’s a way—whether they’d be able to articulate it or not—to let them know there isn’t a day that goes by that doesn’t remind you how precious they are to you. 

When you pick out something from the heart for your spouse—or, perhaps even better, create something for him or her—you are actually symbolizing your gratitude for all of the times that he or she held you when you were sad, or cheered with you when you had a great day, or held your hand over the dinner table. 

Heck, even our pets deserve our gratitude; after all, is there a more loyal, loving being out there than your precious dog or cat? I went out and got a new dog bed for my beloved mutt. I am truly grateful beyond measure to have him in my life, and I think, somehow, he’ll know that when he sets paw into his plush new bed. (I’ve hidden it in the house so that he doesn’t see it before Christmas day! Yes, I am that crazy.)

Whatever you are grateful for this holiday season, stop yourself before you grab that easy-to-purchase gift card. Yes, they are a token of appreciation, but aren’t they really just saying, “Here’s some cash that you can use at a store I think you like?” I’m not sure that’s really in the spirit of the season. 

Instead, ask yourself: What could you buy, create, or do that would really honor all that person means to you? 

As I pondered all of this, I finally realized why I’ve never cared all that much about getting presents. What I really love is for someone that I care about to spend a little extra time with me—to go out to lunch together, to head out for a movie, to take a long drive and laugh and chat. If you want to make me happy, that’ll do it. 

I bet there are a lot of people that feel like that. Maybe, instead of exorbitant gifts, focus on being totally present with someone in your life. Perhaps an elderly grandparent could use someone to shovel their snow this winter; create a lovely certificate that offers to do just that. Maybe your spouse would really love if you arranged to have the kids at grandma’s for the weekend, while you reconnect at a cabin. 

So, this holiday season, focus on the gratitude you have for the people and animals you have in your life. Be grateful for life itself. Be grateful for the sun and the moon and the stars and all that is awesome and beautiful in this world.

What if we all started a tradition of simply living the entire holiday season in gratitude for all of it? It would be a very different energy for all of us, that is for sure! 

Let’s do it - let’s change the focus of the holidays this year from “I want” to “I have, and I am so grateful for it all.” 

And if you feel like it, give a gift that really keeps on giving. You can give a donation in a favorite person's name to a charity they love; my favorite is Heifer.org. Not only do you show that honor things that are important to your loved one, but you also give a gift that helps someone you don't even know.

I bet St. Nick would really be happy with that one! 

Do you have any Christmas traditions that are different from the norm? How about ideas for gifts that let people know that you love them? I'd love to hear them...