The 5 Worst Places for an Empath - and How to Survive Them All

Did you know that some everyday places can be a war zone for an Empath? It's true. When you are super-sensitive to all the subtle changes in an environment and are also a sponge for people's emotions, some very normal places can become overwhelming. Here are five:

1. Hospitals:

As an Empath, you soak in all the pain and suffering of the world, whether or not you are consciously aware of it. It stands to reason that a hospital—a veritable castle of suffering— would be a truly awful place for you to be.

When my husband had a total hip replacement, the hospital staff recommended that I stay with him in the room. I was more than happy to do this, but I didn't realize what a toll it would take on me. Not only was I not sleeping much because of worrying incessantly about him, hearing various beeps, and being woken by hourly nurse visits, but I was also soaking in all my husband's pain as well as the pain of everyone on the whole floor. 

By the third day, I walked outside to get some air and just burst into tears. Being inside the hospital constantly for over 72 hours was a serious mistake for me, as it would be for you, if you're an Empath. 

2. Planes, Trains, and Buses

Because you are so sensitive to both subtle shifts in your environment as well as other people's energy, any mode of transportation where you are crammed in with lots of other people in a space that is moving and you cannot get away is pretty awful. 

Add to that the fact that you will feel every shift in altitude, bump, and turn and hear every noise, and it’s kinda hellish for you. 

3. Group Therapy Sessions

Group therapy is great for a lot of things, but for an Empath, it can be debilitating. While others feel better talking things out, the Empath in the group will be absorbing all the pain of everyone there. And, because Empaths are such natural healers, it's a safe bet that the Empath in the group with be the one that everyone looks to for help and healing, even when the Empath is there for healing themselves. 

One caveat on this one: If you can find a support group for Empaths, that is good for you. With a true support group filled with others like you, you can be heard and supported as much as you offer healing and support. Better yet, you will know that there are others like you out there in the world, and that can be really healing. 

4. Violent or Traumatic Films

I don't go to violent or traumatic films. I learned a long time ago that they would totally blow me out energetically, and I would pay for it with a sick feeling in the gut, shakiness, or exhaustion for days afterward. it's just not worth it to me, and it shouldn't be to you, either. 

Not only will the extreme sound effects bother you more than a non-Empath, but you will go on the director's emotional roller coaster much more than anyone else. You will FEEL the movie and feel for the characters in a way that is vastly different from non-empaths, and it will wear you out. 

I'd avoid them. You are absorbing enough of the difficult energy of the world; you don't need to add to that. 

5. Angry Offices

I worked in an office where I could feel the boss's emotional state before I ever saw her. She was an angry and seriously unbalanced woman, and she purposely led in a way that made people afraid of her. She was a total control freak, and by making everyone fear her, she got total loyalty and total compliance, which fed her crazy need for attention. 

It was awful. You'd scurry around, hoping that she wouldn't single you out for humiliation during that day's meeting. You could hear her screaming at co-workers behind closed doors. 

I would walk out of that office shaking, exhausted, and seriously off-center. I felt like a shell of myself, and I rarely felt the kind of joyful inspiration that is my normal. 

Have to go to one of these places? Here's how you survive. 

1. Limit your time or take breaks. 

People think I am crazy because I opt to break up a long flight with a stop rather than take the direct flight. However, I know I will do better if I can get on the ground and get away from others for a bit. 

If you can't do this, go to the bathroom and clear your head. I know it sounds silly, but the bathroom is one of those places where you can guarantee that you will get some time and space to yourself! Go in there and take a few deep breaths to calm yourself and to detach from all the emotional energy around you.

2. Put your shield up.

An energetic shield is one of the most useful things for an Empath, and it is also super easy to do. To create a shield, you simply imagine that you have a bright light that emanates out from your stomach and all the way around you, front and back, top and bottom. Imagine that this light is whatever color you would associate with protection or safety. When you are done, it should look like you have a colorful Easter egg of light surrounding your body. 

3. Practice grounding. 

Grounding is also an easy but essential practice for anyone that is a highly sensitive person. there are many ways to ground yourself, but some of my favorites include taking off your shoes and standing barefoot on the ground, holding on to a tree, or visualizing that you have roots of light that shoot out through the bottom of your feet like roots from a tree. I like to imagine that any stress or negativity is flowing out the bottom of my feet into the ground. 

The main thing with grounding is to do whatever makes sense to you to feel like you are standing on a solid foundation and reducing the build up of energy. It’s a lot like touching a wall or a wood dresser when you feel like you’ve built up a static charge (something that is now a frequent experience for me living in Denver); when you ground yourself, you are releasing the build up of all the emotional energy you’ve picked up moving through the world. 

4. Listen to your body and respect yourself by setting clear boundaries. 

Finally, if you are in any of the above places (or you know you will be), make sure to pay attention to how your body is feeling. If you start to feel tension in your shoulders or stomach, or a sense of unease in your legs, it’s time to make sure you get away from the situation for a bit. 

In addition, before you go, make sure you set clear boundaries about the amount of time you can deal with the situation as well as how you are going to interact with others. For instance, it’s very common for the Empath in the family to be the one sitting with an ill relative all day and night, while everyone else heads out to get lunch or coffee. This is not good for the Empath, nor is it fair. Instead, make sure to communicate clearly how much time you can be in the hospital, and create a schedule with others to make sure the ill loved one is getting support at all times. 

Or, perhaps all your friends are pressuring you to go to a violent movie. For your own good, it’s okay to say, “No, you guys go ahead. I’ll meet you for drinks afterwards.” You do not have to make them understand your reasons for not going. A simple, “I’m just not interested in that film, but you guys have a good time.” is perfectly okay. 

I realize setting clear boundaries is easier said than done, but it is critical for any Empath in the above situations in order to keep from being overwhelmed and exhausted. 

Are there things you do to help yourself stay centered when you are in one of the above difficult places? Please share them - I’d love to hear about it. 

What’s in a Cold Shoulder? The Mind-Body Message Behind Frigid Sensations and Pain

I’ve been doing this mind-body work for years, but the varied ways the body speaks about what’s off in the mind, body, and life never ceases to amaze me. 

Case in point: This past weekend was the first class of my Body Language Master Class, where I teach others to understand the messages the body is sending them in the form of pain, discomfort, lumps, bumps, and rashes. 

As we were going through the various ways that pain speaks to us, I mentioned that when you figure out the message the body is trying to convey with the pain, the pain usually ceases. It’s like the body is the smart kid in class going “Oh! Oh! OH! I know!!” while waving her hand wildly in the air, trying to get the teacher’s attention so she can give the answer. Once the child is allowed to speak, she’s satisfied that someone listened to her, and calms back down into her seat. Pain is the same; listen to what it has to say, and it will settle down. 

At that moment, one of the students asked what a cold feeling on the shoulder might mean. As usual, I asked several questions to be able to hone in on the issue: 

“What side is it on?”

She rubbed her left shoulder.

I nodded. “Okay, what’s it feel like exactly? Describe it to me.” 

“It’s like this frigid chilly feeling.” 

“And when did it start?”

“Oh….” she drifted in to her own thoughts. “It’s been there for years and years…maybe almost my whole life.”  

This particular woman was really “getting” what I’d been teaching about translating the body’s language into a message you can understand, so she said, “Could it be that I’ve given the cold shoulder to others? Or had the cold shoulder given to me?” 

I responded, “Yes, it likely is. And, because it’s on the left, it’s likely a long-standing pattern with woman in your life.” 

She said, “Yeah, that makes sense. But how do I know if it’s because of me giving the cold shoulder or being given the cold shoulder?”

I pointed out that if she felt it had the possibility that it was both, then it was likely a pattern of not having supportive, safe relationships with women in her life, perhaps since childhood. Because of that, it was probably her giving the cold shoulder in self-defense or spite so she wouldn’t be hurt, AND it was likely that she was still hurt over the cold shoulder being given to her. I suggested that the best course of action was for her to journal about when in her life she experienced both those aspects and try to get it out of her. Then, she needed to start shifting that patterns with affirming statements that would retrain her mind to believe she deserved and could attract better women to her life. 

With the issue seemingly being solved, we went on to other subjects. 

About 20 minutes later, the same woman asked, “Uh, okay - so, the cold sensation is gone, but now I have a dull ache in that shoulder.” 

“Okay,” I said, “Has it moved at all?” 

She nodded. “Yes. It’s now more toward the back and going up the side of the neck.” 

I cannot tell you how often I see this pattern. Once the primary issue is solved, the body raises it’s hand again, seemingly saying, “Uh! Not done yet! Please take another look at this!”

In this case, the cold shoulder converting to a dull ache told me that it was a very deep, long-standing issue for her, and that there was a significant component of heartache from these encounters. In short, she was still very emotionally hurt by these issues.

In addition, the pain moving more to the back of the shoulder and up the neck was significant. It told me that the issue is very much around her not saying things she felt she wanted to say in those situations, and that she felt like she was stabbed in the back or that hurtful things were said behind her back. 

See how that works? Fascinating stuff. 

We talked that out and now she’s working on listening further and shifting those patterns. We’ll see in the next class if she’s been successful. 

Are you dealing with shoulder pain? Or pain anywhere in your body?

Join my course, Body Language: Deciphering Your Body’s Clues so You Can Heal today!

I am honestly so proud of this course - I take you through EVERY possible thing you might be dealing with - from lumps to bumps to rashes to pain to aches to itches to anything else - and I show you exactly how to translate the message behind all of it, including where it’s shown up in your body and when, to be able to understand exactly what your body is telling you about what’s off in your mind, body, and life.

And then, I take you through my proprietary method for creating a healing action plan that shifts everything into health and wellness. In this course, you’ll also learn how to break negative patterns and how to shift from negative habits (and why you have them).

If you don’t love it, just ask for a refund in 30 days and I’m happy to give it to you.

Check it out! There’s a reason you ended up here - and maybe, just maybe - your body was trying to tell you that this will finally empower you.

You get immediate access to all lessons, meditations, resources, and live calls with me. There’s no risk, and I hope there is a huge benefit to you of empowering your mind, body, and life with a skill you can use for the rest of your life!

Recent Interview on David Clarke's Show, with call-ins!

I had a blast being interviewed on David Clarke's terrific show. We had so many people call in for help that the show ran over! Listen in to hear my advice to several callers for their particular health issues. 

And - I've been asked back on the show for April! Stay tuned for the date! 

3 Ways to Know that You Are (Finally) Ready to Make a Change

Every person has had that moment where they have decided that they just cannot put up with a situation anymore and must make a change. However, getting to that point - or finally knowing that you are ready - can be challenging. How do you know that you are ready for change? These three signs will tell you:

1. You get angry at things you used to just put up with.

Day after day, you slog along in a job you hate, dealing with a boss you despise, and working with co-workers that drive you crazy. You put up with it, telling yourself that you need the job, that it’s not that bad, that it doesn’t actually crush your soul. One day, your boss sends you yet another request for the same information you have provided 10 times before. She’s done this hundreds of times, and hundreds of times, you have begrudgingly given her what she’s asked for. This time, you can’t stand it anymore and write a furious e-mail giving her a piece of your mind.  

Not only is this possibly a career-ending move, it also lets you know that you are finally ready to make a change. While many people see anger as a negative emotion, it is often the indicator that you are finally sick of putting up with your current situation you or relationship and are ready to move on. 

For me, I can distinctly remember the moment that I knew I had to end an engagement. My fiance was yelling about God-knows-what yet again, and I was raising my voice to yell back, “Shut UP!” It dawned on me that I don’t believe in resolving conflict by yelling, yet here I was, yelling to be heard. Right then and there, I knew I needed to make a change.

Going forward today, check in with yourself. Which long-standing situations in your life are finally making you angry? What about situations that have caused anger for a long time? Make note of these, and know that you are ready to make different choices. 

2. Instead of dreaming about a new life, you begin planning for it. 

I cannot tell you how many people I work with that tell me their life dreams and then qualify them, saying things like, “I have been dreaming of this my whole life.” or “I have always wanted to do this.” Of course, right after that usually comes, “But...”

Dreaming is a wonderful and definitely necessary part of moving forward authentically in life, but too many people get stuck there. Dreams without actions just don’t come true. 

Have you begun reading books about how to do the things you dream of? Have you signed up for classes or other experiences that would assist you on your path? Have you begun creating a list of things that you need in order to be successful? Then you have taken critical steps forward. You are ready to move from dreaming to acting.

If you are at this point, you will also notice a critical shift in the way you speak about your dreams. Instead of saying, “I need to,” “I’d like to,” or “I wish I could,” you will begin saying, “I have to,” “I am ready to,” or “I am.” Notice that one set of words are “dream” or “future” words, while the others are “action” or “immediate” words. 

When you finally shift from imagining yourself in a new life to actually planning for how you can make that dream happen and speaking about those actions in the present, you know you are ready to move forward.

3. The perceived pain of making a change seems far less than the pain of staying where you are.

For many people, the pain of leaving a bad relationship or job is so intense that they just stay for years. After all, they might be miserable, but it’s better to “deal with the devil you know.” right? 

For some, I suppose it is. However, there will come a time when you literally cannot take the situation you are in anymore. Perhaps you notice that you have aches and pains, or get sick more often or more seriously than you used to. Maybe you are completely drained of energy after being on the job or with the person in question, and do not have energy to do things you love to do.

It’s at that point that the scales have swung in favor of making a change. While every major life change comes with its challenges, when the pain and exhaustion of the situation you are in has become overwhelming, you are at the critical point. If you have said to yourself, “I have to end this,” “I cannot take it anymore,” or “I am over this,” you are ready to make a change. 

Take inventory of situations in your life that are draining you or making you sick. How much more do you think you can put up with? Have you hit that critical tipping point where making a change is more appealing than putting up with more of the same? If you are at the end of your rope and feel that change is more positive than staying stuck, you are ready to make a shift!

Are you in a situation now that you need to get out of? What is the situation? Do you think you are ready to change?